Really struggling over here- I need some recommendations for a book on how to properly discipline a toddler and lessen tantrums. Looking for ways to avoid tantrums, communicate while tantruming, stop hiting/biting, and how to get LO to listen better.
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We have the Happiest Toddler on the Block book and also Positive Disciple for the First Three Years. Both have been helpful but we still struggle on a regular basis (DS is 21 months). Sorry you're having a difficult time! hugs
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I was thinking I needed to do the same. We have started doing a timeout that works sometimes, but not always. I know it's often due to lack of communication so we are trying to really push words more - it's tough! They get frustrated so easily!!
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I'm interested, we are doing timeouts but they don't really seem to be working. She says she's sorry, gives a hug, but then goes right back to do what she got in trouble for. It's very frustrating because she's increasingly defiant and stubborn right now. Getting her into the car seat is a 50/50 chance of a complete meltdown...always in public.
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@bushelandapeck: thanks!! I will check both those suggestions out!
@hellobeeboston: so tough! and getting M to use her words once she is already in a frustrated/tantrumy state- it's like words don't exist and only yelling/screaming does!
@LuLu Mom: ugh, same here! I will repeatedly and sternly tell LO to get off the couch (she likes to stand up on the top of the back of the couch and the window is right there- scared she'd going to fall out!!) but she just will not listen and keep doing it. It's like she purposefully tries to do the exact opposite of what I tell her to do, lol.
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Happiest Toddler on the Block is very effective with us. We learned how to talk to a toddler who has his own language as well as English at 20-21 months old.
We do straight out timeouts in his crib for a minute or two. It's usually when he's tired that the tantrums show up. We're no tolerance on hitting which is starting with him. He gets an instant timeout when he does that.
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@NovBaby1112: In the scenario you mentioned, do you say something like "Does LO like the window?" Get a response, then redirect. If nothing happens, start the 1-2-3 countdown or say "Do you want a timeout?" If nothing happens or is redirected, then timeout.
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@cascademom: thanks!! going to order that book on Amazon now. I've never tried timeouts before because I wasnt sure where to put her....I don't want her to hate her crib, maybe a pack and play? she wouldnt just stay put in a corner or anything...
In that scenario I mentioned, I usually just say "No M, we do NOT climb on the couch- dangerous, boo boo. Down". I then take her off the couch, she throws herself to the ground, then proceeds to climb back up laughing. I repeat again but usually getting frustrated and raising my voice. I feel like redirection doesnt work with her for things like this. I am going to try a 1-2-3 countdown and hope she will get down on her own, mabe that will help? I'm hoping the book will help!
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I don't have any book recommendations ( I personally found happies toddler on the block did not work for us when I tried it) but for situations like that--like LO likes to stand on an ottoman and he's not allowed--I will usually tell him no and then swoop in and grab him and tickle him as I take him off, and then redirect immediately. He usually does go up on there a few more times immediately, because he thinks it's a game, but I keep swooping him off and keep it light and fun, and then he's happy to run off and do something else. Just an idea, although I'm sure you've tried everything
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@NovBaby1112: we do a pack n play for time out. Our pediatrician was adamant that we not use her crib.
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@NovBaby1112: Yeah we were told no crib/bed for timeout too, we have a chair she sits in. We have enough issues with her hating bed/nap time in her bed that I don't' want to add a negative light to her room.
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i also have Positive Discipline for the First Three Years. i haven't read the whole thing, but the main message is that most kids under 3 year olds don't understand time-outs and don't have a strong impulse control, so the best thing is to be gentle yet firm, use distraction, explain transitions ahead of time, offer choices, etc. i mostly use distraction. and letting LO run around like a wild animal because i am not good at dealing calmly with the tantrum that will ensue when i stop him from doing something. so don't listen to me.
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@NovBaby1112: I put J on the first step for timeout - he actually sits there (most of the time) until i go back - took some time for him to get that he had to sit there quietly and not move, but he did. I also don't stand near him - part of the punishment is that r has to be alone.
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I'm so glad you asked this. My BFF brought her 18 month old over on Saturday for a barbeque at ours and, oh my God, he was a whirlwind. He didn't listen to a single word either of his parents said but at that age is it disobedience? I don't even know!! I just said to my MIL this morning that I need to buy some books about toddler behavior quick before DD gets to that age!
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@hilsy85: actually, i havent tried doing it that way...i felt like i had to be more stern because it is a safety issue (we live on second and third floor and our couch butts right up to the window- i'm always nervous she's going to fall out! but i doubt that's likely when the window is closed) anyways, i can give that a try....maybe do that and take her to another room so she forgets about climbing the dang couch
@MamaMoose: ok, good to know. looks like we are bringing the pack n play out!
@hellobeeboston: wow, that is awesome that he sits there and listens to you! he needs to come over and teach M some time out rules
I'm going to start trying to give her some small time-outs, everyone around me thought I was insane for thinking about giving an 18 month old a time out and that she was too young!@LuLu Mom: haha, same here!
@edelweiss: haha, thanks! i ordered that book too, so we'll see how it works!
@Cherrybee: hahah, yes...stock up on books now!!
on wine too! it's such a FUN age, but also such a patience trying time! at least for me it is, my LO has such a stubborn head on her shoulders!
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@NovBaby1112: yeah I only tried it when I was at my wits end because he was climbing up there all the time and laughing at me. So I tried something different and it actually worked! Also do your windows have guards? That at least makes me feel better that if he's testing limits he's not actually going to fall out the window!
I sometimes feel like if I let him test a limit and push boundaries a bit, he's then more likely to listen when I tell him it's time to stop, versus just shutting him down immediately. Of course, when it comes to safety stuff it's tough because keeping them safe is most important.
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@NovBaby1112: Going through lots of tantrums with my almost 20 month old right now. Whew! It's rough, huh? I'm having trouble with the time-out's (he doesn't seem to get it/doesn't want to stay put, etc.) but I keep trying. I use them for when he hits me. When he throws tantrums and doesn't stop after a minute or so, I'll tell him that I'm going to leave the room and I do. I go around the corner (out of sight) and he goes right back to playing and then I come back after another few minutes. For some reason this works for us.
He realizes that tantrums won't get him what he wants. (this doesn't always work, but probably 80% of the time) I like the book Magic 123 which I'm reading now!
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@hilsy85: we do not have window guards yet- we def need to buy some soon! where did you get yours?
@Jenn23: never heard of that book before- looking into it now, thank you!
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@NovBaby1112: I love the book. Had so many recommend it. It says it is for 2 years and up, though. So I'm not sure if I can use the method yet (if my son will get it, yet) but I'm going to try anyway. I really like it. I got it from the library. Hope you find some books that help.
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@NovBaby1112: ah ok...it's illegal here in NY for there not to be window guards in a residence where there is a child under 10...our windows don't open more than 3 inches, so it's impossible for a child to fall out. Other buildings have steel bars; not sure where to purchase them though! Do you have a managing agent for your building or anything?
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@Jenn23: awesome, thank you so much! i'm willing to read anything that might help haha
@hilsy85: oooohhh that makes sense....we are the owners (its a 2-family home and we live on the 2nd and third floors)...soooo I guess I need to get on DH about this!!
I'll look on Amazon, they sell everything!
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ok I just wanted to thank some of you for recommending the Positive Discipline for first 3 years book!!! Omg it has made SUCH a difference in my attitude and what to expect of LO, and has given me lots of good ways to deal with tantrums and preventing them. so thank you! I can't remember the last time we had a major epic tantrum since reading this book (although I am sure we aren't 100% out of the woods yet, but things are definitely better!)
I'm going to start trying to give her some small time-outs, everyone around me thought I was insane for thinking about giving an 18 month old a time out and that she was too young!Reply
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