For me, it's how scary it feels to love my child so much. Whoever said becoming a parent is like living with your heart outside your body (or something like that) was spot on... I've never felt this vulnerable in my life. Every day I fall more in love and every day I struggle with at least some anxiety about something happening to her. I do trust the caregivers at her daycare, but it's HARD entrusting your whole world to relative strangers! Anyway, I guess that is both the best and most difficult thing for me. What about for you?
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I feel exactly the same as that, it's like I've become scared of the world all of a sudden and all the bad things in it. The hardest thing for me I think is trying to find some me time. A needs me, DH needs me, and I just want an hour to chill but apparently that's impossible. No idea what the answer is!
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@78h2o: yes! That quote is sooo true! I get emotional and cry a little when I really stop and think about how much I love her and so worried about things already!
The hardest part of taking care of her is just maintaining energy to be fully responsible for someone 24/7! I'm SAH and even when she's sleeping or I should rest or relax, it's hard to turn the switch off. Even when DH or grandparents tell me they "got it", I want to know when she cries, poops, or needs to eat. Even though im so exhausted, I can't rest my mind and worries. -
The hardest? There were so many things for me that were hard in the NB stage!
In order (with number 1 being the hardest):
1) sleep deprivation / insomnia
2) questioning everything and feeling like I hadn't the slightest clue of what I was doing
3) breastfeeding -
@shopaholic: I hear ya!
I think the hardest for me right now is balance. Balancing her needs with mine & my husband's. I'm exhausted, but when she's sleeping I feel like I should be cleaning, giving my husband attention, or taking care of household/family things. I'm stretched thin, and juggling it all is much harder than I imagined. I could sleep for 3 days at this point.
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Definitely questioning everything I'm doing or deciding. I can try and recreate the way we did a nap put down or a day schedule or whatever and have polar opposite results from day to day. It is humbling and baffling.
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Wondering if I am doing it right. So scared I am going to mess her up.
Lack of sleep
When she just cries and I have no idea why
Breast feeding -
For me, the baby stuff seemed pretty smooth...it was managing my expectations of DH and the impact the baby has had on our relationship that have been the hardest.
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I think struggling with my new identity as a mom, especially since I'm now a SAHM, so I'm trying to figure that out. I also still kind of feel like I'm faking it...like I don't feel like a "mom"--even though I love LO to bits and would do anything for him, I have a hard time with the idea that I am a mom and have a kid! Maybe it'll be easier as he gets older.
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I am not a the mom of a newborn anymore, but I still consider myself a new mom in the sense that everything we're going through with our son is for the first time since he's our first kid. I hope that makes sense!
The most difficult thing for me is not second guessing myself in the decisions we make. I don't think that will ever change though.
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@78h2o: That was me (heart outside your body).
The hardest thing for me is the constant change . . . what worked one minute doesn't work the next, and I think that feeds into the insecurity I feel about my *new* identity as a mom/parent and my ability to make good decisions. It's getting better every day . . . I just remind myself that when it comes to LO that *I* am the expert and that I really do know her best. And I *have* to have faith in myself!
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@MsLipGloss: Yes! The constant change has me constantly second guessing myself and my abilities. I think when things are in flux with LO, my insecurities bleed into other areas of my life.
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The hardest thing for me is trying to find balance and sorting out the difference between what I want to do and what I need to do. There aren't enough hours in the day as a working mama and I have a hard time giving myself permission to not be perfect at everything.
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@travelgirl1: It's rough, because you sort of have to imagine the bad things that could happen (i.e., falls, getting kidnapped, drowning, etc.) in order to protect them... but you can't let it make you crazy, either. Once you've done your best to protect them, you sort of have to let go, forget about those scary things, and have faith that things will be okay.
It IS hard to find "me" time - my "me" time is sometimes my commute to work, lol. However, my in-laws usually offer to watch J when they visit and I do take advantage of it, if only to go shop for 45 minutes. I think it's important if you can swing it, even if it's taking time to paint your toes while the LO is napping.
@shopaholic: Yep, I hear ya! It's gotten easier for me to relinquish control to my inlaws and sitters in recent weeks, but it's really hard not to be on alert.
@dagret: definitely!
@MsLipGloss: so true, the constant changes are tough! I agree that faith in ourselves (and sometimes in others) is challenging, but so important!
@scg00387: @looch: For the most part, I've been lucky to feel confident in my abilities as a parent and to trust my decisions, but I think if my LO cried more, or if I had less experience with babies, I'd feel differently. The one exception is daycare... I hate that she keeps getting sick and I do keep second guessing that decision. I think most new parents feel similarly and we just have to trust that we know our LOs best and as long as we make the best decisions for them that we can... well, that's all we can do and we should feel good.
ETA: I did make a rule to never call myself a "bad mom" - no matter what. Even if I screw up. It seems almost like a cultural norm for moms to beat themselves up and never be good enough and it drives me nuts! We're all trying our best (at least I think all of the moms on this site) and nobody is be perfect. I think having that rule has helped me avoid a lot of needless guilt.
@mamabolt: I think I stopped trying awhile ago!
I hear you though!
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