Hello. I’m pregnant with my first, and after a complicated pregnancy my water broke yesterday at 34+0. Based on emerging literature, my OB agreed to let me wait in the hospital so that I could let baby cook as long as possible with close monitoring and not induce until 35 weeks. So baby is going to be a minimum of 5 weeks premature and we’ve been prepared that she’ll probably need some time in the NICU—anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. If you’ve had a baby in the NICU what kept you sane/allowed you to bond with baby in the time (s)he was in the hospital especially after you had gone home?
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@karenbme: Oh my goodness!!! How scary!! Are you allowed to spend the night in the NICU? That helped a lot for me the first few days until I felt okay to not be there. Also, someone told me something that really helped when I felt bad about leaving.... "Baby knows when you are there, but they aren't developed enough to realize you are gone when you aren't there". That seriously helped so much.
Keep us posted!!!
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@karenbme: sending you so much love. You are an amazing mama already and you will get through this
My baby was in the nicu for 5 days, it was a short stay compared to many other mamas on here who can offer their advice but it was still very difficult and heart wrenching.
It was a surprise for us because she was bedside with me for the first two days and literally moments before we were to be discharged home they decided her jaundice was too high in addition to some breathing issues and she needed to stay.... and I had to be discharged. So I am glad for you that you have a little bit of time to mentally prepare. It was a huge shock for me as my first child was very healthy at birth.
The nicu nurses were amazing and helped me so much - even when I was irrationally angry at them for keeping my baby. Once baby is stable skin to skin/kangaroo time helped so much in terms of bonding. I was so stressed about our bond being affected but in the long run I can tell you the baby will know and love you regardless.
If you plan on breastfeeding, I also got a hands free pumping bra so I could pump easily while I was there. They should have hospital grade pump for you to use while you are there. I pumped every few hours the first few nights I was home. The lactation consultant was great at the hospital as well.
Also transportation to and from the hospital once you are discharged is something to consider.
I’ll have to look up my old post and share it with you here. Keep us updated, I’m so excited for you to meet your sweet baby soon, and I hope they cook as long as possible
Eta: here’s my nicu post https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nicu-moms-and-pumpingsupply
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For what it’s worth, I have a good friend who just had a baby - her water broke at 33 weeks and she spent three weeks in the hospital before being induced, and baby didn’t need any time in the NICU. Fingers crossed!
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FWIW my SIL had my niece at 35 weeks and no NICU stay. And she’s a hefty baby
Good luck!
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Our first son was born at 35 weeks on the dot and no nicu time! Of course every situation is different, but just wanted to give you that info.
DW had PPROM at 34+5. Same thing, they kept her on hospital bed rest with the intent on keeping him in as long as they could without risking infection. She started having irregular contractions the next evening so decision was made to induce the following morning. Induction went super well and began at 11 am, he was born just before 9pm on 35+0 and 4lbs 13oz. I took him to the special care nursery for observation right after he was born and he spent that night there with us going back and forth for feeding. No issues with breathing but he had a heated water bed for that night ha. He was discharged to regular rooming in by the next morning and we stayed 2 more nights. So really, just 1 extra night.
Main issues were feeding/gaining weight and keeping him at good temperature. We had to supplement with formula because he was so tiny so the hospital LC’s went through a lot with us to get a system going: nurse first, formula bottle while DW pumped. Then we moved to BM bottles once her milk came in and gradually were able to phase out that system. One bonus was he took a bottle super well and anyone could feed him right from birth (we did this with our second son as well) We had to wake him for feedings every 2-3 hours for the first 5-6 weeks which was killer but he gained weight really well so there were no other issues.
He’s almost 5yo now and happy and healthy! He’s still a little peanut and has hovered at the 5-10th percentile his whole life, unlike little brother who was born 40+4 and is 90th percentile! He did have major speech issues (apraxia) and conductive hearing loss which we had tube surgery for, but I’m not sure if that had to do with him being a preemie or not. He had trouble with his newborn hearing tests because his canals were so tiny. But he’s past all that and doing awesome in school.
Hope all goes well for you and baby! I remember it was definitely scary before we had him and not knowing how it would turn out. I don’t want to minimize it because any premature birth is serious, but our hospital team reassured us a lot that 35 weeks is ‘easy’ compared to any earlier.
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Just wanted to send good thoughts! I hope she's able to stay cooking for a little longer!
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@karenbme: hi, my daughter was born at 34 weeks and spent 4 weeks in the NICU. We could visit 22 hours/day but there was no place to sleep, so my husband and I usually took shifts and then left her overnight. As hard as that is, NICU nurses are amazing. My practical tips are to bring a cozy warm cardigan or wrap (temps can be crazy and your body will be going crazy as well); a long cell phone charger, and a good water bottle. If you end up with a c-section, stay ahead of your pain medication and walk around often. Even if you feel ok in the moment, sitting in a chair all day will make you incredibly uncomfortable by the end of the day. Also hospitals have amazing pumps - take advantage! The one benefit to time in the NICU was that I had so so much time to pump because I was just sitting there all day, so I had a rocking supply by the time we left. Good luck!
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sending lots of love and positive thoughts to you and the little lady!!!
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I had PPROM at 27 weeks with my first who was then born at 30 weeks. He was in the NICU for 29 days. I spent days in the NICU and left to have dinner and sleep at home. Pumping and kangaroo care helped with feeling connected. So did doing as much of the care, diapers, etc, as possible. Chat with the nurses, bring books and water and snacks.
And consider a push to get the lung steroids. My cousin had three late term preemies and sometimes they don't give the lung developing steroids after 34 weeks because the research suggests it doesn't matter. Her experience with her babies that got them versus didn't was that it was quite significant.
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Thinking of you! I read to my babies in the nicu. It helped me to have something to focus on. We read the same 4-5 books and he still loves them now. I hope you won’t need NICU time, but if you do we are here for you!
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Thank you all for the support and tips. Two days down, hopefully at least 5 more to go. We had a kind of eventful day today, did an ultrasound for growth and to see how much fluid was left (next to none, but they’re not worried about it). I am a little concerned because at 20 weeks she was measuring around the 75th percentile, and today she was only barely 25th. They also took us for a NICU tour right after and I kind of broke down. Full disclosure, this is our first baby but our fourth pregnancy in the past two years and it’s hard not to go to the worst case scenario.
@Ms. RV: We can be in the NICU 24/7, but we’re not allowed to sleep there. Thankfully we live about 3 minutes from the hospital so it would be easy to be back and forth to sleep for a few hours.
@magnolia: Thanks for the tip on feeding. I’ve been leaking colostrum in the shower since 32 weeks, so I’m hoping I’ll have decent supply when I need it, and I have a freemie at home and just ordered two more sets of hoses and cups from Amazon to hopefully hook up to the hospital pumps. But I did buy a hands free pumping bra as a back up.
@Becky: @muffinsmuffins: @erinbaderin: We’re pushing for 35 weeks because it’s the point where it really is supposed to be easier, but the nurse said today that every day she cooks is ~2 days less NICU time, which makes sense because biology works in hills not cliffs.
@muffinsmuffins: Thanks for sharing your experience. Sounds a lot like what we’re dealing with. On the ultrasound they estimated baby at 4lbs 14oz, which seems so tiny, but good to know it can be fine. Her head was still 50th percentile but she’s skinny right now.
@Madison43: Good to hear you were able to establish a supply during your NICU time, that’s a big fear for me, that if we don’t have that breastfeeding relationship from the start it’ll be a losing battle and I’ll never be able to.
@MrsSRS: They started me on steroids right when I got here, so I’ve had both doses at this point, thankfully.
@Chuckles: @nwm: Thanks, ladies. Looks like I’m going to beat @Ms. RV: to be the first to deliver on the Nov. board.
@jhd: Thank you! I hope we won’t, too, but she’ll go automatically if I deliver before Friday so 🤞
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I know nicu time is scary but take comfort in knowing they have a bed ready for you and your kiddo. Although 34 and 34 feels super early, in the nicu world it seems almost term! (My 7 yo
Was born at 25 weeks and I spent 17 days in Hospital before that.) Although it’s difficult to go home. Resting and knowing you little one is well taken care of by experts is really helpful in the healing process. Best wishes and I hope your stay is short!!! -
@karenbme: those freemie cups are awesome!!! If they have medela pump in the hospital it should be compatible. The round the clock pumping helped a lot with my supply as well!
I totally broke down multiple times a day. My mom brought me a huge box of tissues and face wipes...Especially the first few days. I did end up meeting some other parents which was a sad but sweet bond. I tear up still just thinking about all the sweet babies in there. Just know that you are not alone
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@karenbme: Yes to the freemies if you have them. I didn't have them with our NICU/hospital stay and it killed me not to be able to snuggle with LO because snuggling just doesn't work with bottles hanging from you.
Does your NICU have warmers or just incubators? Push for a warmer if possible. They feel so much less clinical.
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@karenbme: Oh and one more thing! The newer Medela Symphony's have this special mode for establishing supply that I loved. It was called "Initiate" mode and you used it for the first three or five days.
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@karenbme: DS1 was our first baby too after 7 IUIs and ultimately a successful IVF. I’m sorry it’s been a long and difficult road for you and now adding this is super stressful. I swore up and down I couldn’t go through it all again for a second because even the pregnancy seemed to have so many hurdles: low placenta, too much fluid, an umbilical cord issue (that didn’t end up being what it was) and then finally the PPROM and preemie birth. Just take it one day at a time and know that you’re in the best place you can be for care of you and baby. That made me feel better knowing at least DW was in the hospital being monitored if something went awry. I struggle with health anxiety and I swear those few days aged me like 10 years! But looking back almost 5 years it seems like a distant memory. FWIW as well, DW was able to have a great breastfeeding relationship with him and BF til she weaned by choice to go back to work at 12 months. All the hugs to you, we are all supporting you! Keep us posted
One more thing: get your DH or someone to start shopping around for preemie baby clothes. We found Carters had the best options but even newborn size is absolutely massive when they’re 5lbs. Layers, fleece, and little hats to keep them warm with those skinny chicken legs!
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@muffinsmuffins: oh good call! And I liked jammies with snaps for the NICU but zippers for home because you need snaps for nurse access but they're a pain to do up at 2am
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@Ms. RV: the decision of warmer vs incubator is more of a clinical decision. Warner’s are not great for longer term use, they really dry the babies out because they use radiant heat while incubators control humidity so their skin is more protected. The decision which to use is based on gestation, size, and initial clinical presentation. It’s a bit of a learning curve but the nurses can help you learn how to access either (I am an NICU nurse of 13 years)
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@MsMini: I never knew that! The NICU where DS was born only had incubators, but the one he was transferred to had both. He was only expected to be in there for like 10 days max before he was transferred to another ICU so I guess maybe that wasn't long term? He also wasn't a preemie, just needed surgery so that probably had something to do with it. But my niece spent time in the first NICU but, according to the staff, did not need to be in the incubator but that's all they had for her.
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@Mrs Green Grass: Thank you, and I know in the long run she's going to be OK and there are a lot of babies that need more care/longer stays than what our girl will need.
@magnolia: Surprisingly, another couple that was in our birth class last weekend and was due right around our same time delivered on Thursday, and we've run into them a few times in the halls. Their LO is doing really well in the NICU, which has been helpful for us in thinking about outcomes and if/when we need to go they may still be there.
@Ms. RV: When we did the NICU tour they had a warmer set up for her, and said they'd see when she got there what she needed. Most of the babies that were there were in incubators, though.
@muffinsmuffins: Thanks for the tip, I sent DH out to get some preemie sized things today and wash and bring all the newborn/preemie stuff. Their weight estimate is just under 5lbs as of yesterday, so she's going to be tiny when she comes. Did you wind up having a second? I've been really thinking about/struggling with that today. I've wanted 2, and with the losses and now so many complications in this pregnancy (hemorrhage at 14 weeks, short cervical length/cerclage at 19 weeks which is probably directly related to the PPROM and would likely recur in another pregnancy) I just don't know if I can do it again.
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@karenbme: we did end up having a second, he’s 13 months now. It was totally different with him. Relatively easy pregnancy and he was born at 40+4 totally healthy. We were prepared for another preemie but ended up waiting in the end! I will say by the time our first was 18 months I started getting baby fever even though I swore for the first 6-12 months never again...so stressful. We always wanted 2 with a larger gap so it ended up how we planned.
I remember talking with my mom when I was so stressed out saying ‘it will be so much easier when he’s born and healthy I can see him and I won’t have to worry’ and she gently told me that the stress and worry never ends, which turned out to be very true. It’s always something, no matter if you’re pregnant, having a preemie, they’re toddlers, preschoolers, etc.
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@muffinsmuffins: I spent most of my first and second trimester thinking I couldn't do it again, but I was also doing too much at that point, working full time, taking 2 grad classes in anticipation of missing the fall term and managing the special kind of stress that is pregnancy after multiple losses. I tried to remind myself at that point that I never would have to do that again, because if we lost this pregnancy too that was going to be the end of our road and if it did work out a) we would know that we could have a successful pregnancy and b) we would probably wait until I'm done with my second masters (Dec. 2020). Obviously it's not a decision we need to make now, but it's good to hear that one preemie doesn't guarantee a second.
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@karenbme: my PPROM had no risk factors for future pregnancies. I had a second baby. She came after her due date.
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@karenbme: a few things. I know you have been through soooo much and I ache for you throughout all this. There is nothing on this planet more all-consuming than worrying about our babies. I hope you're doing ok. I know you can lose your goddamn mind in the hospital room but SOON it will be over!!
Research has shown female babies do much better than males so that's a great start. 35 will be early but she will probably do just fine!! I know quite a few preemies (30 week twins even) who have little or no issues! The girls especially did well.
If you're thinking of next pregnancy, they will probably put you on Makena progesterone injections. They're super common and very effective at preventing preterm birth, and are the norm if you delivered under 37 weeks. I was 36w with ds1 and 40w2d with son2 after the shots! You can look through my posts later onThinking of you. Reach out for anything.. xoxo
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I’m due in November and have been following the November 2019 board even though I haven’t posted. I don’t have any NICU experience/advice, but just wanted to say that I will be thinking of you and your baby girl over the next few days/weeks, hoping for the best possible outcome.
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@karenbme: Thinking of you!
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@karenbme: how is it going? thinking of you!
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@MrsSRS: Thanks, my situation is a little different because I have a short cervix and needed a cerclage, which is often linked to PPROM and preterm labor, and I’ll likely need again if I do get pregnant again.
@pachamama: Thank you for all the encouragement.
I know in my logical brain that she is going to be ok long term, but in my emotional brain I’m still grieving the idea of an easy birth and a healthy baby that would be with us from day 1. I also worry a lot about needing to send her to daycare when she’s developmentally a month or more behind where she should be. I was on vaginal progesterone for most of my pregnancy due to short cervix. The MFM doctor described it as essentially the same as the shots. I’m not sure if the plan would change next time.
@MLE81: @bees_knees: Thank you!
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@nwm: Still pregnant. Baby seems happy and cozy even with the pool drained, although her kicks are a lot sharper without padding. I will say I’m really thankful that my OB practice is the team that it is. Some practices would have seen me at 34 weeks, gotten steroids on board and then induced, but they’re saying they’d keep me pregnant as long as 37 weeks if she’s still happy in there.
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@Ms. RV: my NICU has a few different types of beds, regular warmers, traditional incubators and we have a few where they are convertible between a warmer and incubator (those are thebomb.com). Plus there are options for heated water mattresses in traditional baby cots in many NICUs. There is a lot into decision making of which is best, the nurses are usually the ones deciding which to use, but sometimes you rub out if one type of bed and end up using a less ideal one unfortunately. I wish we had a full load of the convertible beds but they cost almost twice as much as the other options.
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@karenbme: I’m thinking of you. I know you’ve had a rough go of it.
One of my best friends delivered her first at 33 weeks due to pre-eclampsia, and although she was tiny, she didn’t require a NICU stay and did really well. She’s a healthy six year old now.
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@karenbme: so glad to hear that & glad you are happy with your doctors' approach. i can only imagine how those kicks feel--i definitely feel like the little guy is trying to jail break sometimes! hope the time is passing for you OK in the hospital, as well.
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@LemonJack: Thanks. My hospital automatically admits any babies born before 35 weeks to the NICU, and we had a talk with a social worker yesterday that made it sound like even at 35 weeks she would expect 4 or 5 days of NICU time, so we’ll see. In the long run I know 4 or 5 days is nothing, but in the short run 5 days can be an eternity.
@nwm: Thanks, time is passing alright—trying to get as many work projects wrapped up as I can. I’m thankful that I’m able to work remotely from the hospital because I was not in a place where work would have been fine if I had delivered Friday.
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@karenbme: it's funny that you mention the automatic admission to NICU before 35 weeks. My friend was on hospital bed rest and the day before she would have hit 35 weeks, her doc was like "well, I'm on call today, so do you just want to do the c-section today?" and she did, and it cost her THOUSANDS of dollars because of that 1 day and the 35 week rule. It shouldn't be the deciding factor, but after all was said and done, she was kind of kicking herself for not realizing that cost.
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@BUNBUN: Yeah, I wish I knew what the evidence behind it was. Another couple from our birthing class had their son at 33 weeks on Wednesday, and they said he's doing fine, but will be in the NICU "even if he's crawling by then" until 35 weeks. It's not a cost issue for us directly because we've hit all our maxes for the year on our insurance, but (without knowing what's behind it) it seems really arbitrary. @MsMini: Thoughts?
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@karenbme: I'd love to hear what insight @msMini can offer. That seems crazy about the "fine" baby in the NICU for 2 more weeks.
FYI, because it stung me: You may have hit your deductible, but baby gets her own deductible. (You may have hit your family max, but idk if you have to pay 20% from there or not, depends on your plan)
It's such an emotional roller coaster already, I hate that we have to be rationally thinking about costs at that time as well. I wonder if the social worker could speak to the estimated costs (of their policies), since that would certainly create more stress for your family. -
@karenbme: Chiming in. I had PPROM at 34 and 4, and he was born the next day (they didn't try to keep me from delivering). My DS1 was in the NICU for 13 days. I won't lie - it was the hardest thing I've ever done to leave him there at night after I was discharged. The hospital set us up on a schedule with him so he was able to be out of the incubator and held, fed, snuggled every 3 hours. In between I would go to a private room to pump, rest, watch TV etc. My husband and I were there from 5 AM (DH shift), I would go from 8 AM to 11 PM and DH would join me at 5 PM, 8 PM and 11 PM after work. Then we would go home to sleep for a few hours. They also gave me a pump and freezer space so I didn't have to haul it around and could establish supply. Ways to stay sane... I made sure to get some fresh air, go get non-hospital food, and try to sleep as much as I could.
The emotional side of losing your ideal birth plan is very hard to cope with. If you need anything, I recommend Hand to Hold - they match you with a NICU veteran mom who can be there for you and help you along the way. Don't be afraid to see a counselor afterward too, PTSD can be very real from traumatic birth experiences.
Let me know if I can help you in any way.
Edited to add - I did have another baby. I was monitored more and took makenna but he was born right on time at 39 and 5, no NICU.
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Hi! I’m sorry I missed this. Sorry to hear about the stress of this pregnancy I have been thinking about you.
I have had two prem babies both pprom both vaginal precipitous delivery (first at 35wk and second at 34). The second had IUGR as well and was in NICU for 2-3 weeks (I can’t remember when we stepped down to peds) but we were released at equivalent of 38ish.Both my kids caught up quickly and are at or above their peers in terms of athletic and academic ability. The only issue my little one has (34 wker) is severe asthma which might be partly related to her prematurity but also possibly just genetic as my husband has it also.
Any questions let me know but you are at a gestational age that has such a great prognosis. Hugs mama!
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@BUNBUN: Yeah, but there's also a difference between what "fine" to an acquaintance in a hallway is vs. thriving, so benefit of the doubt there. They were saying he was able to breastfeed right off, though, which is really great for a baby that young. In terms of costs this pregnancy has been complicated enough that I hit our (family) deductible in week 16 and our annual out of pocket max in week 19. I'm also very confident it's for the whole family because DH's back PT has been totally free since the summer, too. And I asked the benefits administrator at work if a family plan would change that vs. a me+1 plan, and she said no because the limits are the same. So I'm thankful that that at least is one thing that isn't going to be a factor in our decisions about care/how to proceed, which is rare in the US.
@psw27: Thank you for sharing. I'm 34+5 today and if I were to go into labor they wouldn't stop it, but my body's shown no signs other than a few tiny contractions that I couldn't even feel the day we got here. Inpatient has been really stressful and if I were to ask for an induction they would give it to me, and DH suggested that today, but I can feel what you're saying about leaving her in my heart already. Even the idea of having her taken away after birth already makes me ache let alone leaving her here overnight. I do hear you on the fresh air. I've been trying to get outside at least half an hour per day since I've been in inpatient because it helps so much, especially when the sun is shining.
@fuzzypeaches: Thanks for sharing. I do worry about size, because even though she isn't technically IUGR at 25th percentile, both DH and I are tall and at 20 weeks she was over 50% on all the measurements so seeing her be so tiny is scary. It's great to hear that your kiddos don't have any real cognitive or physical challenges aside from asthma. I know that's the most likely scenario at this point, but I also know that the longer she can stay in the better her chances will be.
Good luck!
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