I received a 1st bday invitation from our friends and they had requested no gifts but requested money instead. Anyone else come across this kind of request before? If so, did you honor it or buy a gift?
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We usually bring a small book.
eta: didn't see the request for money! That's a new one for me.
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I've heard of requesting no gifts...seems weird to say bring money, though. Did it say it was going to a college fund or anything?
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Do you mind sharing the exact invitation wording?
"no gifts" is becoming common, but requesting money is bizarre. Guess they don't want people substituting store gift cards stuffed in cards for gifts.
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@katiew92081: @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: it was worded, "no gifts but cards appreciated"
I called the mom and said, "no gifts?! Really? You want a card instead?" She responded by saying the cards imply money.
Without slamming them to the ground, this couple is extremely cheap and its known within our circle of friends. Their LO has literally no toys, books, etc., because their philosophy is, "why buy it when you have it" which they have said on numerous occasions and they ask for hand-me-downs constantly. They are NOT poor but professional students with 7 degrees between them and never had a job. So I can assume, they need the money.
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@umlo: That's weird. how about giving a gift card to a store that would only be good for kid stuff? Like Child's Place or something? It's still money...but you know it would be used for the kid.
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We were thinking of requesting that in lieu of gifts people put $$ in her college account we set up for her but I figured no one would listen and buy her things anyway. She already has so many clothes and toys so we really wanted to invest in her future instead.
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@umlo: In that situation, I would feel bad for the kid and would probably by them a toy anyway.
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No gifts is common, but asking for money is odd. In my opinion, unless they are going to specifically use the money for their child, it's just wrong. It's not their birthday. I'd go with no gift or a children's store specific gift card. Like Toys R Us.
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We asked for money as a donation to my nephew's cancer hospital. It was a Peter Pan party. But not just money for us.
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that's definitely odd. they should just return things if they don't like it. odd as it is, if i were going to the party, i'd just honor it and give her money or gift card.
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Edit: warning, heavy sarcasm... @umlo: *eye roll* to your friend. The wording is not clear. The no gifts trend is meant to not burden guests with having to bring anything...gifts, cards, potluck or byob. Guests typically feel uncomfortable showing up empty handed and will at least bring a card- maybe/ maybe not filled with a little something something. If they want to instruct people on what to bring how about just saying "gift cards and money cards?" Otherwise a guest may be inclined to just bring a greeting card. These are your friends, so you may as well comply with their child support plea.
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Ick. Honestly, I'm no etiquette stickler, but ick. I would probably go the gift card route.
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Thanks everyone for your input!
Gift cards!! For some reason I didn't think of that (guess I was too shocked at the implied request!) but that's what we will do.
@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: yeah, I did lots of eye rolling and yelling about this for years. These friends were acquired in marriage and it took me years to try to understand them and to eventually give to them cheerfully. They're in their mid30s and still living off their parents (both sides). They pay for their mortgage, car, education, cell phone bills, etc. Very privileged and enabled children.
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@umlo: i would not have assumed that "cards imply money." i can't believe she actually said that out loud.
except now that you asked her directly and you know what she meant, you kind of have to give them some money in whatever form you feel comfortable with.
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Wow that's crazy! So tacky. Maybe give them a card with a gift card to Barnes and noble!
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Based on the wording you provided I wouldn't say they are fishing for money in those cards.
We politely requested no gifts for our daughter's 1st birthday mostly because it was large and we didn't actually have the space (or desire) for 40 gifts. Both sets of her grandparents got her a nice gift and we did too, but most people came with cards or something really small.
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@LittleGBee: I have no problem if that was the case of why they didn't want gifts but my friend told me she wrote it to imply money.
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Sorry, i think that's pretty tacky!
I've only given money at big dohl parties that are held at restaurants, usually to cover the cost of our meals. It's usually *known* at certain parties that money is preferred, but i would never ever write on an invitation that gift cards (i.e., money) is preferred. Ugh! I agree, gift card is probably the way to go.
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@umlo: Oops. Totally missed that. Sorry! In that case, I think it's pretty tacky. I'd go with a gift card like others have suggested.
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I agree with @Sweet T: I would still buy a gift then.
I know you're suppose to honor parents' request but come on, it's the kids BIRTHDAY. They deserve gifts. Do you think the kids will say, please, no toys.
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that's RIDICULOUS. seriously ridiculous.
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@LittleGBee: no problem.
I agree, it's pretty tacky, considering its their kid's 1st birthday. I could understand if they needed the money to offset the costs of the party but the party is being paid for by their parents, so they aren't paying anything out of pocket.
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I've been to a couple of "toonie parties". (Toonies are two dollar coins) so you bring two toonies and one goes into a jar to buy the kid a present, and the other goes in a jar for charity. The kid picks the charity, which is pretty cute. I did feel a bit bad only bringing $4, but at least they get a gift they really want?
I think saying "card implies money" is odd and asking for misunderstandings.
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