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No More Nurseries at my Hospital?!

  1. jape14

    pear / 1586 posts

    Our hospital had a nursery and we used it for a few hours on the second night there. The nurses encouraged it and BFing was going fine so I took them up on it. I fractured my tailbone during delivery and needed help to get out of bed so it was nice for DH to get an hour or two of uninterrupted sleep while the nurses brought DS to me to BF. I barely slept while he was gone bc I kept waking up thinking I could hear him crying. Anyway, I think it's a good option to have for lots of reasons previously mentioned and judgment over using a hospital resource to get a small amount of rest for two people (mom + partner) who are about to go home and get no sleep for possibly months on end is, quite frankly, ridiculous. Sure people can survive without it just fine, but I can also survive without a smartphone -- it's still a nice luxury that I won't turn down, you know?

  2. littlebug

    honeydew / 7504 posts

    @Littlebit: Seriously.

  3. Mrs D

    grapefruit / 4545 posts

    @Littlebit: sad...people always judging...

  4. Foodnerd81

    wonderful cherry / 21504 posts

    @erinbaderin: yeah most hospitals in the U.S. Give you loads of stuff- diapers for baby, gigantic pads for moms, disposable underwear, nursing pads... And you are encouraged to take all the extras home. And your insurance is charged accordingly so you may as well use / take it!

    They used to always offer formula too, from what I've heard, but are moving away from that unless you request it.

  5. BandDmommy

    pomelo / 5660 posts

    @Mrs D: I don't think there is anything wrong with using a nursery. I certainly would not judge someone for using one or not using on. Who cares???

  6. Tanjowen

    nectarine / 2521 posts

    This is interesting to read because our hospital drilled into us no nursery unless problems with the baby. And then after delivery they took LO for over 4 hours and wouldn't bring him back because they said they were monitoring his blood sugar levels...it was the worst room in failure ever and I wanted him with me. I was so anxious to have him back I didn't sleep anyways, but that's most likely a 1st time mommy thing and the next one I'll be wishing for that nursery, ha!

  7. coopsmama

    cantaloupe / 6059 posts

    I guess I don't really see a lot of judgment in this thread?! I just see people saying what they are comfortable with or stating what their experience was like at their hospital.

    We don't have a nursery at our local hospital. The baby sleeps in the room with mom. With my second, a nurse came in and asked if she could hold her for an hour or two so we could get sleep so she did (was a quiet night for them) and it was nice to get an hour or two of solid sleep.

  8. Mamasig

    pomegranate / 3565 posts

    @Littlebit: You could also read the blog post on Elf on the Shelf and its comments if you want more judging. Everyone is always going to judge about something. Can't we all be perfect mommies in our own non perfect ways?!

  9. MoonMoon

    pomegranate / 3392 posts

    It seems like the move away from nurseries goes along with other outmoded practices toward ones that foster bonding, breastfeeding, etc. Like many others in this thread said, I couldn't imagine being away from my baby when he was born. Whenever he was taken for a test one of us would follow along to keep an eye on him. When he was there for his heel prick, I was standing outside bawling like an idiot. The hospital where I delivered was converting much of its nursery when I delivered in 2013, but I don't know if they've eliminated it by now or if it's still an option.

  10. ldh112

    kiwi / 556 posts

    @littlebug: My thoughts exactly - while maybe not intentional, it's easy to read the comment thread (as a mom that ended up asking for help with my newborn overnight) and think I thwarted bonding and ruined my BF relationship by having someone watch her so I could get a small amount of rest...

  11. MoonMoon

    pomegranate / 3392 posts

    @Littlebit: there's no judgment from me. I'm studying public health, and many of the measures such as nurseries vs rooming in are public health issues. People can talk about individual preferences, but ON THE WHOLE, if mom and baby are healthy, rooming in is preferable. Same with skin to skin, delayed cord clamping, no routine episiotomies, encouraging breastfeeding, putting to sleep on the back, discouraging smoking, etc. So my comment is from an overall perspective on general trends and best practices. And even if a hospital has no routine nursery option, I'm sure that there are still nurses trained, ready, and willing to help moms out.

  12. looch

    wonderful pear / 26210 posts

    @MoonMoon: It would seem to me though, that a hospital would need some kind of secure place to take a baby when the mother needs some increased level of intervention though. If there's no nursery, is the nurses station an appropriate solution? The NICU? I don't really have an answer.

  13. mrswin

    nectarine / 2433 posts

    My (Canadian) hospital doesn't offer a traditional nursery but there is a small "pod" behind the nurses station with space for up to 6 bassinets that the nurses use at their judgment. When I had my DD there were a couple babies who were under the lights there and we took my DD over one morning for about an hour because she needed a specific test but they couldn't bring that machine into my room.

    All other tests and what not, including the bath, were done in our room.

  14. gingerbebe

    cantaloupe / 6131 posts

    I support rooming in and BFing and everything and I gave birth in a baby friendly hospital and thought it was all a no brainer. Baby friendly right?

    UNTIL I had a 36 hour failed induction and emergency CSection my husband said looked like a massacre bc I bled so profusely I sprayed the doctor and nurses in some horrific gory scene. The baby was with us and I did not have a fold down bassinet so I had to get up and pick him up every 5 seconds. My milk didn't come in for a week and I'm not sure I even made colostrum so my son was just nursing and nursing and screaming and I was falling asleep holding him while doped up on pain meds. Between my section and DS' jaundice I was in hospital a week. My husband finally asked for help DS' second night after we'd been awake for about 4 days straight and they brought him back less than 90 mins later because he wouldn't stop screaming and "needed to eat and be with his mother." He screamed and screamed the entire time we were there and they told me to pump to encourage milk so I'd try to nursing him for an hour, then pump for 30 and then DS would need to try and eat again. His bili levels skyrocketed bc he wasn't eating enough to flush it out so he landed in NICU and my baby friendly nurses and NICU nurses started a turf war bc NICU wanted formula supplementation to help while the LD nurses told me not to fall for it, whatever that meant. I then had to walk myself from my floor to NICU every 90 minutes to feed my son via breast for 30 minutes , then pace feed supplementation, then walk back to my room and pump 30 minutes. I had 20 minutes to pee, eat, and sleep before getting back to NICU. BUT I was still grateful I got 20 minutes of silence while my son was safely in NICU to shower. By the time we got home a week later I hadn't slept more than an hour that whole time and we had a screaming infant who with colic and reflux then didn't sleep much at all for 3.5 months.

    Do I want a nursery option? You bet your ass I do. My husband and I thought we were going to die when we got home, we were so exhausted, and the baby friendly policies nearly killed me! DH is so angry about it all to this day.

  15. T.H.O.U.

    wonderful clementine / 24134 posts

    @gingerbebe: That sounds terrible. It also sounds like more of an issue of a hospital pushing BFing beyond the normal safe limits and less of an issue of being a nursery or not.

  16. gingerbebe

    cantaloupe / 6131 posts

    @T.H.O.U.: I think the two are linked. I think a staffed nursery would have been helpful especially if they could offer formula while the mother takes a break if she consents to it, but BF hospitals don't do that. They just brought him back to me because he was screaming and wouldn't settle down for him because duh he was starving and I was nagged for falling asleep holding him.

  17. wheres_c

    pomelo / 5789 posts

    So thankful that my hospital had a nursery.
    After a near death experience I was no shape to care for a baby for the first day.

  18. 2littlepumpkins

    grapefruit / 4455 posts

    All I can say is even if some people don't think they would be comfortable without baby with them or want it, it's a very different thing when you have a very long or difficult labor and a screaming unsoothable baby. Never say never! I've had both experiences.

  19. T.H.O.U.

    wonderful clementine / 24134 posts

    I think if I had my choice in an ideal world, there would be some kind of care for the extreme circumstances where the mom needed a break or where maybe a nurse could come help do diaper changes etc. But to just offer it as a babysitting service I can see how it could get abused.

  20. wonderstruck

    pomegranate / 3791 posts

    @Littlebit: I you

  21. cookiemomster

    kiwi / 714 posts

    When you say things like "it's weird to me that people would want that" or "one of the reasons I chose to deliver there was they don't have a nursery" or "why would I have a baby just to send it away" you are judging and being snarky. If you want to say that kind of stuff, own it.

    No one on the other side is saying "no one should ever room in". you can do you, but more choices for moms is never a bad thing.

  22. T.H.O.U.

    wonderful clementine / 24134 posts

    @cookiemomster: Since you've quoted my post, I will respond since I'm assuming you are directing this at me. If you read my second post you will see that I'm not saying "no one should ever use a nursery". If you're going to call someone out why dont you own it.

  23. BandDmommy

    pomelo / 5660 posts

    Just a FYI, you aren't sending your baby away for days at a nursery. Usually it's 1 - 2 hours so you can get some sleep. I don't think this is traumatizing to any relationship. Maybe the parents need a break? Maybe there is a medical reason? Personally, I would never say "I would never send my child away" or "my new baby would never leave my sight" because maybe you don't have a choice. DS was in the NICU for 11 days and yes, I was away from him so I could go home and sleep. We STILL had an amazing BF relationship. And no, he did not get switched at birth because he left my sight for a moment. Each child is given an ID band and strictly monitored, there is also a tag on them so they can not be removed from the hospital.

  24. MoonMoon

    pomegranate / 3392 posts

    @looch: I totally agree, that's an important consideration.

  25. twodoghouse

    honeydew / 7230 posts

    I delivered at a baby friendly certified hospital, but they were pretty relaxed about the nursery. my twins roomed in with me (even DS who was in his little "incubator" enclosed warming bed), but it wasn't a happy, warm cozy time. We all went through a traumatic birth (one twin delivered vaginally with vacuum and then an emergency c section for twin B), then we were separated for a couple hours due to complications. DD was an angry, alert baby with a lot of feelings and told us about it from minute 1. I didn't get to see an LC for about 30 hrs after they were born (thanks baby friendly hospital!) and girlfriend was hungry and nursing was just not working. She screamed all night the first night and her poor brother was just so dazed and confused that he had to be stuck sharing his food source with her. I begged the nurses to take her the 2nd night, but they brought her back after 10 min because they couldn't help her either. It was still a nice 10 min break. I'm extremely bonded to my kids. I loved them and felt attached from moment one (despite the screaming). I've nursed them both for 19 months and counting. But there have been times I've needed a mental health break in the last 19 months, and the first time occurred on night 2. I don't think there's anything wrong with saying I love my kids, but sometimes I need a break. Being able to admit that has made me a happier, healthier mom, I think.

  26. Truth Bombs

    grapefruit / 4321 posts

    @Littlebit: Preach!

    I used the nursery with both my kids. I was so anxious I would never have slept with them in the room because I would be constantly checking them. Thank God my son did go to the nursery because he aspirated on spit up in the middle of the night and the nurses had to give him oxygen.

  27. MaisyMay

    GOLD / cantaloupe / 6703 posts

    The hospital that I delivered LO1 in encouraged rooming in but had a nursery. My induction started Saturday night and I had lo just before noon Monday. I just couldn't sleep during that time. The first night LO was with me, but the second afternoon, I appreciated the nurse offering to take her to the nursery for a few hours so I could nap. DH was with me, but he had been awake almost as much as I had.
    While I don't plan on using the nursery for this LO due in April, if circumstances are similar, i will, especially since DH will need to be home with LO1 at least some of the time.

  28. cookiemomster

    kiwi / 714 posts

    @T.H.O.U.: there are three or four people I'm talking about, and I'm not sure how I'm not owning it. Making people feel shitty for wanting to use a nursery is snarky, and it rubbed me the wrong way.

    Eta: I just went back and read your posts to make sure I didn't miss something. I'm sorry but even in your second post you are implying it's a babysitting service for some people, which implies women are just shucking their responsibilities off on someone else needlessly. Liking the idea of a couple hours of rest after giving birth or major abdominal surgery doesn't make any woman less of a mother.

    You can't just say whatever you want and add "no judgement" to the end of it and it's okay. It's still snarky and judgmental.

  29. pwnstar

    pear / 1718 posts

    @Littlebit: @cookiemomster: two thumbs way, way up for your posts.

  30. Mrs.KMM

    grapefruit / 4355 posts

    @gingerbebe: While that sounds like a completely awful experience, I think that is more of a hospital staff issue then an issue of not having a nursery. I gave birth at a "baby friendly" hospital and they were more than happy to provide me with as much formula as we wanted/needed when breast-feeding was not working well for us. I agree with @T.H.O.U.: that they really just seem too focused on pushing EBF (even when that isn't the best option).

  31. catomd00

    grapefruit / 4418 posts

    @coopsmama: because apparently now dissenting opinion = judgement and judgement = bad

  32. Ginabean3

    pomegranate / 3401 posts

    My first birth experience, the hospital had a nursery but DD went straight to NICU. My second experience, the hospital did NOT have a nursery and DD2 roomed in with me and DH. The nurses were pretty good though and would step in and actually come hold/comfort DD2 to give DH and I a break. I think there was a low census at the hospital at that time so they had some extra time on their hands.

  33. catomd00

    grapefruit / 4418 posts

    @cookiemomster: totally disagree. Judging is saying you're a horrible mother and undeserving of Kids because you chose to send your baby to the nursery. Saying you aren't comfortable with it or don't understand it is not. People need to grow a pair if anything on this thread is considering judging.

  34. meredithNYC

    pomegranate / 3314 posts

    @Littlebit: Word.

  35. T.H.O.U.

    wonderful clementine / 24134 posts

    @cookiemomster: yes I am saying that people are using health care professionals as baby sitters. And that's not appropriate. I have heard of and spoken with women who treat it as a week long vacation and try to avoid discharge. All at the cost of health care premiums.

    Now I will agree that's not the majority but it does happen frequently enough that the economies of the business have deemed it not profitable or wise or healthy to offer to everyone unless there is a demonstrated need.

  36. cookiemomster

    kiwi / 714 posts

    @catomd00: Right, judgement is never more subtle or nuanced.

  37. Charm54

    cantaloupe / 6885 posts

    If you don't want to use the nursery, great. But I just think it's sad that as women we can't understand that there are many others who do not have the fortunate supports or birth experiences that making rooming in such a magical thing. It all sounds very entitled and unaware of others to say things like "I can't imagine why anyone would want that". Why can't we offer women what they feel they need during what is arguably one of the most life altering moments on their lives?

  38. meredithNYC

    pomegranate / 3314 posts

    @cookiemomster: you are awesome.

    @T.H.O.U.: no one here is talking about treating the nursery like a week long vacation. And seriously, what? Unless things are extremely different where you are, I am used to the American standard of 2 days in hospital for vaginal deliver, 4 for a section. I'm not even sure how you would go about angling for a week long stay without extenuating circumstances.

  39. winniebee

    hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts

    I used the nursery both times. No shame. Both kids had to do 3 hour car seat tests because of their size. And I made sure it was done at night lol. I didn't use the nursery as a babysitting service but certainly used it at night to get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. There nurse brought me my babies every 2-3 hours to nurse. I had plenty of skin to skin. All day every day. I'm still EBF my 12 month old. I love my kids fiercely and sending them to the nursery for a few hours doesn't take away from that.

    Women used to give birth and have their moms and aunts and grandmas around to care for the baby and their other children while they healed. It used to take a village. That's not how it is anymore and instead there's very little help for us and instead judgment for leaning on medical professionals while we are in the hospital. Why can't we just give ourselves a break?!

  40. meredithNYC

    pomegranate / 3314 posts

    @winniebee: because if you give yourself a break, how can you feel superior to other mothers? /sarcasm

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