Hellobee Boards

@catomd00: Actually, I volunteered in the NICU at the hospital where my children were born. I'm extremely familiar with their hygiene protocol and I feel 100% confident that it's followed across the board.

@Truth Bombs: well I'm glad you're confident but I see the data from secret shoppers on a regular basis and I can assure you proper protocol is not followed nearly 100 percent of the time by 100 percent of staff. The numbers don't lie and this isn't an isolated problem. Do some research, plenty of other groups and well known researchers would agree this is a problem.

Not surprised to see such a debate --my own circle of friends feel strongly about this on each side!

I sent my daughter away bc I was anxious and couldn't sleep otherwise. Every noise made me need to check in, and I'm a super light sleeper. No nursery does not feel mom friendly to me.

Our nursery is lovely. Low lights, rocking chairs, and partners can visit. I asked for them to bring her to me if she cried, and since I am breastfeeding, she was never away more than 2 hours. The other major hospital in town is baby friendly, so no nursery.

I didn't read all of the comments, but it seems like people have some really strong opinions! I gave birth in New York City and in Austria. My NY hospital was certified baby friendly. I actually have no idea if there was a nursery or not, but the nurses took DS out of the room a few times to bathe him (at 2am?!?!), for heel sticks, to weigh him and the like. The rest of the time he was with us.
In Austria I gave birth at the nicest hospital. They didn't have a nursery, per se, but a large nurses station where you brought the baby to see the ped and they had a bathing area, lactation area and round the clock nurses to help you with anything at all. When I would bring my daughter in, I would often see babies parked in the station in their little beds. I left my daughter once for 20 minutes (out of our 4 night stay) to go down to the cafeteria for tea. So yeah.

I wouldn't judge a new mom for needing to leave her baby, whatever the reason.

@lamariniere: this sounds like the nursery at the hospital I just gave birth in - they had a kitchenette for bottles/sterilising, 4 wash basin/change areas, a room for pumping/feeding and an open area for babies in cots. to the rear of the room was the special care nursery section with a nurses desk and a private area for the humidicribs and a screened off area for emergencies.

Oh wow, I didn't even realize it was a thing to eliminate the nurseries! I delivered in two different hospitals and they both had them but it was not the style nurseries that you would see on TV. Both of my kids went to the nursery for short periods of time. With LO2 I was alone a lot because DH was with LO1 who was having a very hard time with me being gone. I sent him to the nursery so I could just take a shower and feel like a human. I think it's sad if the hospitals take away that option because some moms will really need the extra help. I could definitely have managed but I had a very "easy" labor and delivery and it was still nice to get an hour to myself. I can't even imagine how the women with really difficult deliveries or C-sections without a support person there all the time could manage in a hospital with only a minimal amount of help from the nurses.

@Anagram: totally agree. WHat is with the justification "oh I had a hard labor so I deserved to use the nursery"? I had a super easy labor with DD and I used the nursery with her. If a mom just wants a few hours to sleep by herself, or whatever the reason, I think that's fine. She'll have the rest of her life to be solely responsible for the baby, I think a few hours at the nursery is not a big deal.

@Mrs D: the other thing is...what about people that aren't lucky enough to have family around? or whose husbands/ significant others aren't fortunate enough to be able to take time off of work? how do they take a shower, etc?

@Mrs D: I've always said a happy mom = Happy baby. So, not sure how having a happy mom would not be baby friendly.

@looch: I think judging is normal behavior. In my child development classes, we learned about cool studies where infants identified with others who are like them. So we need to learn how to be open minded and also not to care so much what others think!

@2littlepumpkins: The hospital with the nursery strongly encourages rooming in, and all the birthing classes talk about the importance of that early bonding. I'm guessing that adds to the strong feelings I'm sorry you had to deal with that anxiety, but I'm glad the nursery was there to help you out!

@winniebee: My husband could be there, but I sent him away after the first night. Along with sending my baby away for a few hours at a time, sending my husband away at night also raised some eyebrows! There were lots of reasons for this: I figured it was good for one of us to be well rested, he could take care of our dog, he brought me good coffee from the outside, he didn't keep ME up with tossing and turning on that pitiful pullout couch.....we're still tightly bonded, too.

Sometimes I get lazy with these really long threads, but I've found all these responses to be interesting.

We didn't send DS1 to the nursery b/c he was a really easy baby and I'll admit that I didn't see why people felt the need to. My baby slept and ate and that's about it.

However I definitely changed my tune after DS2 was born. We definitely sent him to the nursery at night the first night. We were in a baby friendly hospital that didn't have a nursery during the day but they would take them at night, if necessary. However, they very much encouraged rooming in. But he swallowed a lot of amniotic fluid during birth. Not enough to be concerning but enough that he kept spitting up all the time. I was super concerned that he would choke while I was sleeping. So in order to make sure that my new baby didn't, you know, die, you're damn right I'm glad that I had that option and had the support from some amazing nurses.

To the original question, I agree the no-nursery thing is total BS! I really despise the "baby-friendly" term in general because it implies that breastfeeding is the primary way to be a good parent when that is not true (in the developed world at least) and is guilt/depression-inducing for many people.

Regarding this debate, I think it's sad that so many people are sanctimonious based on their own personal experience. It's like, "I stared adoringly at my beautiful baby after 50 hours without sleep, and crocheted a blanket while she slept. It's such a magical time, why would anyone want to be apart?" Please. Clearly the question was about women having the option, not whether you personally would or wouldn't use it.

It would be like someone saying "Well I was ready to go back to work after 6 weeks so I don't see why companies should offer more," or "Well I stay at home and can't imagine strangers raising my baby so I don't think affordable childcare is necessary."

@Mrs D: I really hope that by the time you deliver, the nurses have training. A good nurse makes all the difference. And I think you're smart for planning ahead with a support person.

@winniebee: for what it's worth, the nursery at the hospital I delivered in was small, cramped with both babies and adults, and very noisy. It was secured and had big windows, but that was about it. It seemed like a hole in the wall, not the nice way I would have imagined even a small nursery to be.

@Happygal: oh goodness, I sent my husband away, too. He's miserable when he's tired, and he needed sleep for MY sanity

@mrsjazz: so I never thought about that-having a roommate. I delivered in one of the hospitals that only had single rooms, but most around here don't have all private rooms. So even if you want rest, there's no guarantee you'll get it. Personally, I never found hospitals relaxing, baby in the room or not. I was much better when I could be home and put the baby in bed with me.

I've read through this whole thread, and while I thought I knew how I felt at the beginning, I'm not as sure now. I want to try to write it out so that I can sort it out in my own mind.

I send DD for a bit on the first night, when I had been up for over 36 hours and was so delirious with sleep deprivation that I could hardly think. I fell asleep for 2ish hours when they brought this screaming child back and said, "she needs to eat." I literally could not comprehend what the nurse was saying, because she had woken me out of a very deep sleep. I honestly don't know if I felt better afterwards or not, because I was so out of it. All I could think was, "and you want me to do what about that, exactly???? Can't you fix it???" I decided in that minute that the cruelest part of L&D is that they then expect you to care for this small thing right away. And I'm not talking that the hospitals are cruel. Biology is cruel. I did not feel rested after I sent her at all. In fact, I might have felt worse, because the sleep was far less than I needed. I did send her sometime during the day the next day for a good 3 hours, and I got an amazing bit of sleep. It was freaking glorious, and it made me feel so much better. DH was at home, getting things ready, so it was great to have someone look after her.

On the other hand, as I said above, our nursery was depressing, and I found the nurses super pushy, like they were the experts on my baby. OK, you may be experts on babies in general, but that doesn't make me, even as a first time mom, an idiot. I would like you to help me learn how to take care of this child, not insist that you know what you're doing, and I don't. The baby nurses came around to our rooms all the time, and I really, really hated it. One of them gave DD formula after telling me, "she needs it, I'm going to get it," then coming back in and giving it to her without so much of a word from me. I felt powerless to say no, so I didn't. DD was also a very sleepy nurser, and so I would undress her and do skin-to-skin while we nursed. One nurse in particular hated that I did that, claiming that I was making her too cold and that she needed to take her back to the nursery to get warm again, etc. And because I kept doing that, it seemed like they watched me more, to make sure I wasn't hurting DD. Meanwhile, all I really wanted was to be able to nurse her lying down and take a nap, but of course, you're not supposed to co-sleep in the hospital. And they seemed to think that I wanted to stay around for the full 48 hours after I delivered, when I couldn't wait to get out of there. I had to beg them to let me go home in the morning of the second day that I was there.

Moral of the story: for those that need them, great. In some ways, the nursery was a gift. But my postpartum baby care experience is one reason I am seriously considering a home birth or a birthing center birth next time. I hated it. I felt judged for trying to be active in her care, judged because I wanted to be up and moving around as much as I could, and judged because I wanted OUT. In my experience, the entire PP experience was not designed to help me rest, recover, or get to know my newborn. I think recovery units should be designed to do that as much as possible. If that means a nursery, great. If there's a better solution, great. But what we've got now in the U.S.?? Broken as heck.

@Happygal: ooh, the baby cuddlers. The hospital I delivered at didn't have one, but that's what I needed: some sweet old grandma to say, here honey, I will hold her, you rest. Now you can sign me up for that!!!

@looch: THANK YOU, re:tone

@LovelyPlum: so you should have your next baby (if that's the plan) in Virginia. Sweet grandmas and beautiful mountain views await you!

Our baby-friendly hospital does not have pacifiers, but every baby does get a HALO sleep swaddler. That's nice.

@Happygal: that is the plan, and you make VA sound tempting. I knew plenty of sweet old grandmas when I lived there. I'll have to get on the whole baby cuddler thing for next time