I've been thinking about how a few of us in my circle have kids now, and how already our relationships have changed. It's obviously a lot harder to make time to get together, and when we do get together the kids are usually around. I LOVE children, but chasing around a couple toddlers and tending to the needs of infants is a little distracting to say the least, and makes it difficult to have any sort of adult conversation. I always said before I had children that I would be a mother first, but would still be a wife, friend, daughter etc, and that I would still take time for myself. I try to maintain a balance, and so far it's working out well for me. I just wish my friends would make more of an effort. Obviously family comes first, but I believe friendship is important too. How do you deal with this?
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When we just had Charlie it was so easy. My social life didn't decrease too much. I just went out while Mr. Bee stayed home and vice versa.
It's harder now with two kids and since I'm still nursing. But I still go out twice a month to a concert/dinner/etc. Often I'm so tired and I don't want to get ready and go out. But I always do, and I never regret it. It is good for me and good for my friendships. I just make plans that I can't back out of like concerts, and only for after 8pm when Olive is asleep!
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I've been having a hard time balancing with a newborn- I have friends that I used to spend tons of time with that I barely talk to now because I get so busy and loose track of how long it's been
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I haven't found a great way of dealing with it, unfortunately. Most of my friends don't have kids and I just don't get invites anymore - I think they just assume that I'm too busy with the baby. And part of it was just the timing, because my two best friends moved in together like a week before I gave birth. No one thinks to invite the girl that lives half an hour away when there's someone else whose always right there in the same house as you ready to hang out. It sucks.
On the other extreme end, my one friend who has a baby wants to hang out allllll the time. Like up to 4 times a week, usually without the babies - and that just doesn't work for me, I need more time than that with my DH. But we've worked out a compromise where we go to a fun class together one night a week plus the occasional girl's night, and that's always nice!
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I'm lucky in that I have a couple of other SAHM friends, so we can get together during the day, with babies. But like you said, it's still not the same when you are tending to the baby while also hanging out-- especially once they are mobile. C is at a good age where she will play by herself for a bit but can't move much from where I put her
My friend with a toddler spends half the time chasing after her, but it's still nice to do that with a friend vs alone, you know?And I am trying to make an effort to make plans for after C goes to sleep. I feed her around 7-7:30 and after that, either DH or I can put her to bed, so it's easy enough to make plans after that and have a night out (still getting home before 10 because I'll be up between 1 or 2 to feed her again!). Now that she has a predictable bedtime I'm trying to do that more.
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I think I actually go out more now that I am a mom. I feel like you need that break and time with your girlfriends. And DH is supportive and stays with the kids!
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Not as much as I would like. It's really hard to try to juggle it all. Most of my friends live at least 40 minutes away, and with a baby it's just harder to figure out getting together. Plans made way in advance fall through due to sickness, crankiness, whatever. Phone calls are fewer and farther between. Nursing on demand was particularly difficult until she slept through the night.
This is something that I really want to work on in the new year. Luckily many of my friends also have small children and understand the demands. It's the ones that don't that are harder to keep up with, I think.
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Not as much getting together as often as I'd like, but in every other sense of the word - yep!
I still speak to my BFFs regularly on the phone (per usual life pre-baby), I just got back from a bach night out this weekend, standing up in a wedding next wknd, still plan cpls' trips, gnos, send bday cards/gifts, etc. While a l ot of my friends aren't moms, every on eo f them adores A so I usually bring him to brunches/dates at their house, etc.
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I try hard to make plans and follow through with them. I find it really easy if it's after bedtime and DH can stay home with L. Even if I'm tired, I still do it and no regrets! Luckily, my friends, even childless ones, make an effort to come see me or invite me out still!
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@Mrs. Bee: You make a good point. I'm sure it's so much harder with two kids! And I agree that sometimes getting the energy to get out the door is half the battle, but once I'm out I'm so happy I did it!
@wonderstruck: I'm sorry that you've stopped getting invites.
It stinks when people just assume that you're too busy for them. That would really hurt my feelings. It's nice that you have that other girlfriend who is eager to hang out with you though. @Foodnerd81: I agree! I would much rather chase after kids with friends than alone.
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I still meet up with my friends
And i make it a point to not blab about my kid all night.
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No, I really don't make it a priority unless I can do it by phone, text, or FB, or combine it with a kid activity. I already feel like I'm spread thin enough as it is with my kid, trying to be a supportive wife, and keeping up with a large, random workload. I had to let something go, and regular get togethers was it. I felt like it wasn't worth the time I tried to put into it since I was just a tired zombie anyway- I could be sleeping.
I enjoy the occasional nights out, but they just aren't as important to me anymore.
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My friends are the ones who deserve the credit! They bend over backwards to work around our schedule and they always come to us. It's really hard with a baby since I work during the week adn never see him - the last thing I want to do is spend 8 hours on a Saturday away from him. And it's really expensive hiring sitters since we are already paying for a nanny. But my friends are super understanding and never make me feel bad if I can't make it to something. And I basically name the time and place and they are there!
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@blackbird: oh me too! Unless they ask, but I usually try to make it short and sweet so as not to get all mom crazy on them! Plus it's nice to talk about adult things every once in a while!
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yes!
it's not as easy now as it was, I usually need a sitter (DH works nights) but I definitely make the effort. I love my friends. -
We only have 1 right now and he's 4.5 months old, but we bring him to EVERYTHING! Fortunately, my friends love kids so it's not a biggie, but we don't have family here and I don't want to hire a babysitter yet since he's still young so he goes whereever I go. I'm also glad he's so easy going so my friends don't mind holding/playing with him!
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My friends a a huge priority to me, as most of htem are like fmaily to me. I have lost track with some who may be at a different stage in life but my core group of friends I make plans with often. We do a dinner night and DH keeps LO, we do play dates with the kids, we do special things to get together even if just for a couple horus.
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@Modern Daisy: I work part time so I'm still with DS quite a bit during the week, but if I worked Mon-Fri like you I wouldn't want to leave him either.
@LuLu Mom: Sounds like you have a perfect balance!
My friend with a toddler spends half the time chasing after her, but it's still nice to do that with a friend vs alone, you know?
It stinks when people just assume that you're too busy for them. That would really hurt my feelings. It's nice that you have that other girlfriend who is eager to hang out with you though. 
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