Warning: word vomit. Probably circular. I'm trying to sort out my thoughts and feelings on this and I can't quite articulate it the way I want to.

Last night I had a rather intense discussion with D. It started when I was venting my frustrations about how difficult it was to find a baby BOY doll with certain features that I wanted (I had wanted a wet doll that was a little more toddler-like, that could be undressed, and was anatomically correct--I wanted something that we could put on the potty to pee--and I didn't want it to be outrageously expensive. Apparently it doesn't yet exist. My mom bought him a boy bath doll.)

My bigger frustration is that there are SO MANY dolls that are marketed to girls. Even the little boy dolls are still marketed to girls. When I tried to sort Amazon results by gender there was something like 2500 "girl" dolls to 300 "boy" dolls, and the "boy" dolls were still marketed towards girls--the description of the boy dolls still talked about how they were for little girls to be mommies.

D's response was to shrug, and express ambivalence about E getting a doll at all. Now D is a total dude's dude, but he's also one of the biggest feminists I know. He told me that he was concerned E would be made fun of mercilessly in school if the other boys knew he played with a doll, even as a toddler, and felt that it was our job as his parents to make his life as easy as possible, and the way to do that would be to encourage more boy-like things.

I was honestly shocked. I'll admit that I have no plans to fill E's room with toys traditionally marketed towards girls, because for one thing, boy does LOVE anything with wheels, but I certainly don't want to limit his options and continue perpetrating the marketing stereotype that only girls can play with dolls and boys with trucks. Except that it's not just a marketing stereotype, it's a life stereotype, one that I'm not comfortable with.

D's a great, caring dad, and he admittedly got there without having a doll to love on, but I can't see the problem with encouraging a little boy to care for dolls as he might someday care for his children the same we we encourage girls to do so. But at the same time I don't want to make E's life any harder (by possibly getting teased about it when he's older.)

I pointed out to him that there's a double standard there, because if we had a daughter I know he'd be encouraging her to play with trucks and balls and Lego's and whatnot. He'd be wanting her to bust through gender stereotypes, but is unwilling to foster the same ideas with a son. But it's unfair to E, and we're doing nothing but helping to perpetuate it.

So after talking ourselves in circles about it D came to the conclusion that I was right, and that:
A) It was silly to be uncomfortable with the idea of E getting even one doll, whether or not he even likes playing with it
B) It was unfair to E to not allow him even the *chance* to challenge traditional gender roles (even by simply adding a doll into his toy box) but that
C) It still doesn't change the fact that those stereotypes are still firmly in place, especially when it comes to boys, so
D) It's our responsibility as his parents to raise a well-rounded son who is confident in his life choices (and can cook well )

TL; DR: Gender stereotypes suck, but they are there...is it better to set your child up for an easier life or challenge the limitations that are currently in place?

What are your thoughts about gender toys and stereotypes?