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@lemondrop: Wow. I'm so sorry you went through this. Thank you for the perspective. I just talked with our vet, and she said the same thing "your dogs just can't rationalize certain situations". She also explained that even though we think things haven't changed that much, our dog's view is probably much different. No more being in our bed. No more free reign. Not as many walks. She suggested what worked for you: keeping them totally separated.
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@besitos: My husband is a vet (in the shelter system too, it's SO common) and I'm a vet tech, so it hit us extra hard. We both cried for the next few days after until we figured out that total separation could work out for us. The big thing is that we have not relaxed our separation of them and once our youngest got mobile, the same rules applied.
It's easy to say that you would do X or Y if your pet ever hurt your kid- until you are faced with that very situation. Thanks for getting in contact with your vet, they get that question quite often, I assure you.
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I think, if you're able to do it, separating them is the perfect solution. Some dogs just don't deal very well with someone getting into their personal space, but it's possible to both train them to react more calmly, and to teach your son to be more sensitive of that (when he's a bit older).
My dog had really strong boundaries about not biting. He'd even let me take food out if his mouth (which I had to do often enough because he ate some very inappropriate things). He still nipped a few people if they got in his space. It was after they'd dive bomb him in the street screaming "how cute!" and grabbing his ears/sticking their hands in his face. I just had to keep him close and warn people not to jump on him, because it's not like he could say "go away, you're so rude!"...
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I am a complete animal lover, but seem to have a different opinion than most. If your dog has growled at your baby on multiple occasions before he bit your baby, it does not seem like an isolated incident. It just escalated to biting this one time so far.
I would either keep complete separation from the dog and baby at all times (which does not seem fair to the dog, and is stressful to all) or I would rehome the dog.
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Our dog has nipped our kids twice, I think? Both times when they were being too rough with her, and I take full blame for not being more on top of it and letting our toddlers attack our dog. Ours is little, so less chance of severe damage but it is worrisome. We moved her bed so it's a safe space where they can't get it and just try to be hyper aware, saying 'Gentle', etc...I'm sorry this happened but I am confident it can be resolved!
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I think you have received some amazing advice. I am a total dog lover too, so I understand your distress over this
Your dog definitely does not deserve to be put down over this, so I'm glad you're trying not to consider that an option. If it were me, I'd move the dog's bed somewhere that your LO cannot get to it, so there is a safe, childfree space. I'd also likely put up gates and keep them separated almost all of the time... They can be together when your dog is on a leash for a walk or when they are heavily supervised. Your pup can have free rein when your LO is asleep or out of the house. I think this is the only way I'd be comfortable for a while! I'm sorry you're going through this... So tough!
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@Coffee-lover I'm also an animal lover but have to say I agree with you completely.
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I think you've already gotten great advice from everyone else but I just wanted to say I'm so glad you're being so thoughtful about this. Babies are so hard on our pets. I hope you find a solution you're comfortable with.
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So sorry that you have to deal with this.
I also think you've gotten a lot of good advice already. We have a grouchy and quirky rescue dog, so we've faced a similar issue. We've been able to keep toddler and dog separate for the most part and we've figured out the dog's main triggers so we can mostly live in peace. Now that LO is 22 months, it's less of an issue because he understands that he has to be calm around the dog and give it space.I hope you're able to find a solution that works.
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@besitos: You mentioned that the separation is making your dog seem depressed, and I wanted to ask where you're keeping him? We set up a space for our dog using a big metal puppy play pen in the corner of the family room so she could see out very easily and actually sit next to me when I'm on the sofa. I put her favorite bed in there with her cuddly blankets and found that even when she has her freedom she's perfectly happy to hang out in her space.
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I haven't gotten a chance to read through the other responses yet - but I wanted to say that I've been there and I'm so, so sorry that you're in this position.
We had our pup for 5 years before our son came along. While she is VERY high energy and was always a little skiddish around small children, she was SO good with him when we brought him home from the hospital. She would have licked his little feet 24/7, if we had let her. Everything seemed to be going well until he started to move. Once he began crawling and walking, not long after, all bets were off. She would often growl at him whenever he came near her.
When he was maybe about 9m old, she nipped at him and got him right below his eye. There was no real damage, but I was horrified and, honestly, my relationship with her just changed. We held on for about another year, mostly because my husband refused to consider other options. In the end, it became very clear that she was becoming depressed over the whole situation (not enough time/energy for her, and her anxiety over him) and I was finally able to convince my husband that it was best for HER to find a new home.We were very lucky that my mom is completely in love with her and was able to take her into her home. It is still very hard on my husband and I think he resents me for it, but I honestly believe it was the best choice for everyone - especially her. My mom dotes and spoils her beyond belief (which is one of my husband's issues with the whole situation) and also makes sure she gets to go on walks 3 times a day....things I couldn't reasonably offer her - that I still feel guilty about.
I hope you're able to make the very difficult choice that is best for everyone, but most especially your toddler and your pet.
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I love animals, and have always had them in my home, but I know they can be dangerous, and for me, the moment one of our cats lunged and scratched at LO's eye, he was out permanently. He lives in our garage/ outside, and is no longer allowed in our house. As sad as it is, I believe it's just too risky to allow an animal, who hurt my child unprovoked, to be in our home.
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Just a side note to keep in mind- a few people have mentioned that it might be okay to have LO around the dog when he's on a leash, and that's probably true for most dogs, but be sure you know your dog's personality. Our younger dog is actually significantly more aggressive when on a leash. I expect we'll specifically have to keep LO away from him when he's on a leash. Some dogs just have leash aggression.
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@Coffee-lover: I definitely respect your view. I will say though that I feel like separation has worked really well in our situation and hasn't been unfair or stressful. Maybe it's easier since our dog is small, but separation hasn't meant crating or excluding our dog (though our dog is crated when we are away from home). She is only completely separated from the family when my husband or I can't be there to have a hand on her or LO... she is mainly put on the other side of the fence (where she has full run of the upstairs, living room, and dining room) when I am cooking or when we we are eating. We sometimes throw a stuffed kong or something to the other side to give her something to do and she likes sitting by the window watching people walk by. If LO is playing with toys in the family room, the dog sits in one of our laps and gets a belly rub. We've also made an effort to take the dog on more walks so that she doesn't feel left out. I feel like the worst is behind us now that LO really understands she needs to be gentle.
We are now allowing them to interact more since there haven't been any incidents in a long time...but again, they are VERY closely supervised. LO now pets the dog ever so gently and our dog runs to lick/greet her, brings her a ball to play fetch, etc. I think DD is still too young to be trusted completely with the dog, but our dog seems a lot more relaxed around her.
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@Torchwood: I agree; many dogs are more fearful/aggressive on a leash.
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My parents' dog bit me in the face (didn't break skin, I think) and my mom was pregnant at the time. They re-homed the dog immediately. I'm not much of an animal person and I would not tolerate that.
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@Torchwood: agreed. My dogs go into protect mode when on leash.
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Honestly, that sounds like a rehoming situation. My daughter is very close to one of my big dogs, and he's great with her. If she gets too rough with him, he'll make a very quiet rumble, and she knows to immediately disengage. I wouldn't feel comfortable with any thing other than that level of interaction.
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I agree with poster who said rehoming the dog may be best. If your dog has growled at LO before, it doesn't seem like an isolated situation.
I suppose you could try complete separation, though for a big dog and one used to having free Rome I do see the potential for stress, but it's worth trying.I love animals. But my fears would have started when the dog first started growling, and I don't know that I would truly ever be comfortable with that.
I'm sorry OP! What a crummy situation.
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@besitos: So sorry you're having a tough time! We've had a couple of friends with dogs who did not deal well with their new crawling baby and separation worked for all of them. And lots and lots of reinforcing that when the dog is in their bed, they are not to be approached at all. But we even kept that as a rule in my house with our lab who had never shown aggression towards DS. They deserve their own space to relax, just like anyone. I don't think you need to rehome if you're willing to keep them apart for a while. I know our dog became much more loving towards our son after he started walking. Maybe crawling is just confusing to them?
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Thanks to everyone for the responses and advice.
I've now spoken with a dog behavior specialist (who worked as a director for the humane society for years, and specializes in aggressive home situations), and have a bit more information to use on my end.
@Coffee-lover: @MrsADS: @sarac: The behaviorist did explain the difference between a snarling growl and a "this is me telling you I don't like this" growl. Our dog has never snarled or shown any other physical signs of an attack (like ears, raised hair, etc.). She said this is a good sign. Most dogs are able to be vocal when they are not happy, and it's not a sign of an aggression problem.
But, he nipped at the baby.
She's convinced this is "resource guarding". And, now we don't know if the resource is the dog's bed. Or food and the bed. Or food, toys, and the bed. We aren't going to experiment to find out, and that's where the danger is. Dogs cannot be trained to not respond to their resource. This will likely always be an issue.
The specialist said that we should keep them completely separated for a week. This isn't too hard to do. We will just keep the dog back in the kitchen and dining room with his bed. It's more than enough room, and he can go down to the basement if he wants (there's a couch).
She then said a semi-permanent separation is best indefinitely. Basically, anytime we are not on the floor with baby, or he's not in our arms, the dog needs to be separated. We still have at least a year before our LO knows how to open a baby gate, so it can work. We can still do walks each day. Dog is fine when his bed isn't involved. Plus, LO is usually in a carrier or a stroller.
At the point where E can open the baby gate, re-homing might be needed. This part really struck me: "While you think of Charlie as one of your children, you must remember that he is a dog, and he will never understand logic. I've seen the worst of the worst, and know what a dog can do to a small child." She went on to tell me she recently re-homed a dog. She begged and begged the dog to just change, to stop fighting. She cried and cried, and finally just realized a different home was the best solution.
We are not there yet, thankfully. But, her words really helped me. I love our dog so much, and we're committed to giving him an amazing life in our home. If it looks a little different than we planned, that's okay. Thanks again for all of the support and encouragement. I really, really appreciate it.
I'll still update once we've visited the vet. The underlying issue is likely not an injury or pain, but it needs to be investigated.
Your dog definitely does not deserve to be put down over this, so I'm glad you're trying not to consider that an option. If it were me, I'd move the dog's bed somewhere that your LO cannot get to it, so there is a safe, childfree space. I'd also likely put up gates and keep them separated almost all of the time... They can be together when your dog is on a leash for a walk or when they are heavily supervised. Your pup can have free rein when your LO is asleep or out of the house. I think this is the only way I'd be comfortable for a while! I'm sorry you're going through this... So tough!
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