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I have sort of a different perspective on this. My son is 16 months and we're expecting #2 in May, so he's not going to be the only for much longer, but I work in an office and industry where having 1 child late in life is the norm and watching my coworkers made me realize the challenges of raising 1 are really very unique. Not saying this is what you are dealing with at all, but it was just really interesting for me to observe.

Oddly, the challenges in my office seemed to have less to do with the kids, because it wasn't that my coworkers' children are spoiled brats. Far from it, they are some of the brightest, most well-behaved and courteous children you'll ever meet. (Win for the parents). Its really more how that single child affected the parents and grandparents that surprised me. Because this is their only child or grandchild and because all the adults are older, usually with more means, SO much time, energy, and resources goes to this one kid. Their lives completely revolve around this one person and I know several who have chosen not to have a second child because they felt it was patently unfair to the oldest to take away a lifestyle to which they had become accustomed. Because the adults were doing the absolute maximum for the eldest child, they could not fathom doing twice that work for a younger one. Private schools, lessons and activities galore, staying up all night finishing their kid's school projects, amazing vacations, fancy birthday parties, over the top holidays - it was REALLY important to the parents to do all this, even if the kid never knew the difference. Particularly since the other friends and parents the kids associate with are going to be similar. The kids themselves then don't feel weird about asking for an iPhone 6s when they are 10 because their parents gave them an iPad when they were 5. And why should they?

But it was concerning to me what this would do to the parent's marriages in the long run (the child was priority #1, always) and how their child's successes and failures would make the parents feel about themselves (since their identities were so wrapped up in that one child). I've seen people pissed that a spouse couldn't get a raise or promotion because how were they going to afford X for their kid now? (Its okay, Grandma is going to pony up the summer horse camp money, so we can still go on the 3 week trek through Nepal). One lady in my office told me she honestly has no idea what she'll do when she's an empty nester (the hope is that she can delay this by having her kid live at home while at college).

As for the kid, I also worry about the pressure they might feel in all this, how helicopter parenting will affect them in the long run, and how they will perceive marriage and family growing up in that context. And logistically, having to be the only one in charge of the care of aging parents would suck, especially when SO much of the parental resources went into raising the kid. I have aging parents I have to deal with now and I'm SO happy I have a brother and future SIL to share this burden with.

I had my son at 33 after 3 years of serious health issues, so there was a high probability that DS could have been an only child (at least naturally). (DS #2 was a complete surprise). So we really did consider strongly how to "manage" having only one child given what we saw happening to the COUPLES with only children. DH and I agreed we'd likely adopt a second child if we couldn't have one naturally or if that wasn't available because of my health, we would extensively plan for how to "help" our marriage and our child through the challenges of being a single child family. For one, we are ridiculously insured up to the hilt for long-term disability, life insurance, etc. and my husband is constantly working on strategies to manage our retirement and care in old age so that we are not a burden on our kids. We make it a point to put our marriage first, we are on board with parents-only vacations and regular dates, we work hard to create an environment where its clear to our son that Mommy and Daddy were a family already and you joined the party, as opposed to YOU are the purpose our family exists, we do not buy our son exorbitant gifts and ask relatives not buy them either (instead we ask for college contributions), and we ration and rotate his toys so much so that he still has unopened presents from his birthday in September and Christmas. And again, this is more for US psychologically, as opposed to our son, because he doesn't know anything other than what we model and show him.

Now granted, similar concerns are also there for families with more than one child too, particularly if you have means (I know families who chose 2 over 3 kids for similar reasons), but as we mentally prepare for the strain having a second child, it does shift our concerns to other areas (how to SHARE attention between 2 kids while maintaining our marriage, how to provide adequately for 2 kids, etc.)

Anyways, super long ramble, but its just something DH and I talked about for a long time and something I've had lots of in-depth discussions with my coworkers about (who are totally frank and open about the realities that I've outlined).

@gingerbebe: wow, you seem to have a lot of experience with only children. Through your co-workers. Sounds like your co-workers are very wealthy and do spoil their kids. I'm not sure how that helps the OP?

@SugarplumsMom: responding to your response - I think a lot of this lies in how we treat our child and how they see us treating other people. If we bring them up to be responsible human beings, we can keep them from being spoiled. When Grandma gives gifts, we send thank you cards. We make sure when we talk to Grandma that we recognize the gift we sent. In my mind, being spoiled comes from not being appreciative. As long as we show our kids how to properly handle the things they are given and how to be a good person, they will be less likely to grow up spoiled.

@SugarplumsMom: I saw this article today and found it pretty fitting to this conversation. I've always felt spoiled and entitled went hand in hand. http://www.today.com/parents/entitled-kids-these-parenting-tips-can-change-behavior-t32201

My first son was the first grandson of both sides. He was mayor of Spoiled City! Haha.

I had another and that has somewhat helps but he’s still very spoiled along with his baby brother because they are still the only grandkids of both sides (our brothers / their uncles really need to get a move on making kids). I worry about this a lot! Probably overly so.

I want to just say that you worrying about this is probably a good sign your LO won’t be spoiled!

I think you got some good advice in this thread but just remember you can only do your best sometimes things are just out of your hands. You are doing great!

It's on my radar, but not a huge concern. DH and I both WOH and LO is in daycare, so she's sharing everything there, learning about taking turns, etc. She's also the youngest of 14 grandchildren (at the moment), and we don't live close to many family members so she's not getting a ton of extra there either. My husband grew up a middle child of 7, and he always felt like there wasn't enough time/energy/money to go around so he enjoys making sure LO has everything she needs, and some things she wants. I agree with @rachiecakes: "spoiling" a child is more about attitudes/manners than things.

I feel like my kid is spoiled - but I'm sure if I had more children, it'd be the same. He has so many toys... but I've never met families who have more kids that have fewer toys as a result, you know?

The biggest thing I do to avoid spoiling is more about not letting him believe my world revolves around him. He knows that I need my time alone, he knows that my gym time is important to me. He's whined before when I buy a special food for myself and won't share - I tell him that some things belong to mommy, just like some things belong to him. It is my choice not to share, and he can't always get what he's wants. Sometimes if I'm working on something important and he's trying to get my attention, I tell him he needs to wait because there are others things I need to do too. I feel like he's finally starting to get it. But it's definitely hard.

@rachiecakes: Yes this! Thank you, you said that perfectly. I was an only child and I always resented the idea that onlies automatically equaled spoiled because they had more "things." People would tell me growing up that I didn't act like an only child, and frankly, "things" had nothing to do with it -- I had A LOT of things, but so did a lot of other people. I didn't "act like an only child" because my parents raised me with all those things you mentioned: discipline, manners, a sense of gratitude, etc.

following because I am not quite sure about more than 1 at this time... @jaguar: I agree that the stereotype is not fair! My brother and I were pretty spoiled (even without much material wealth, we pretty much got what we wanted). As others have said here, I think parenting has a lot to do with it. In some ways, I love the idea of my daughter being my one parental focus. Either way, it all goes back to the parents- i.e. If I felt like extended family gift giving/attention was detrimental in anyway, maybe that's a conversation you have with extended family.

@SugarplumsMom: No worries, I didn't take offense to your original post at all! I was just trying to make you feel better that I don't think you need to worry that quantity of "things" makes kids spoiled, as long as you instill discipline, manners, gratitude, humility, etc. there is no more chance your kid is going to come out spoiled just because they're an only.