We have a sleep problem in our house ya'll. HELP! Maybe you guys can diagnose what we are doing wrong. My daughter is 11 weeks old, and I know that her sleep is not supposed to be perfect or routine at this age. I get this. However, when I read about other babies her age kind of falling into some sort of schedule/routine, it is making me anxious and feel like I am setting her and ourselves up for sleep failure. So.....after around 5:00 pm, this is when everything seems to go bad. She can really only be awake for 45-55 minutes. When she shows me her sleepy cues, I swaddle her, blinds closed, white noise, etc. and she naps. But, after 5:00, all bets are off. She's tired, but will only nap for around 20-30 min. max. I know 5-11 is kind of the "witching hours", but I guess I just thought she would be growing out of this by now? I mean, what time should we be starting her night time routine? We try to stick to the EASY routine during the day. What was your babies schedule/routine like at 11 weeks? I know every baby is different, but last night she didn't fall asleep until almost 2 am and this sucks. We started her bedtime routine at 8:30 (we have tried earlier and she was not having it) and she was awake (minus a 23 minute "nap"-which we thought was going to be her bedtime) until 2 am. And she mostly only naps 45 minutes at a time. I am sure she's overtired. Or something. WHO KNOWS. Anyways, if you guys could show me what your babies were going around 11 weeks, it would be awesome. Thanks.
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We had NO schedule at 11 weeks. R was 9 months, 2 naps, before we got on a schedule.
At 11 weeks she didn't go to bed till 9ish at night. Then it moved up to 8 when she started day care. Her naps at that age were 35-45 mins and always on me.
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Xander definitely didn't have a schedule at that age and he was a huge catnapper. During the day, he generally slept 30-40 minutes at a time, and after 5:00, he would cluster feed. I think at 11 weeks, he was going to sleep between 7:00 and 8:00, but then would wake up around 9:00 to eat again before sleeping ~6 hours. Some nights he would just be up from 5:00-9:00 straight before falling asleep, but other nights he'd fall asleep for an hour or so in between.
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We didn't have any kind of sleep normalcy until about a month ago at 7 months! Please don't put pressure on yourself or compare your family and sleep to people on the internet. I think at 11 weeks we were still kind of in survival mode. And yeah, those witching hours suck. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but it's perfectly normal and it sounds like you're doing all the right things (following sleep cues, swaddle, white noise, dark room, etc.). That's all you can do. I promise it will get better!
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It was a long time ago, but I'll do my best to share my two cents.
I know I followed EASY but I also used the 12 hour rule too. If she got up for the day around 7:30 (meaning staying awake for more than to nurse), I'd try to get her in bed by 7:30. I did a long bedtime routine. Bath every single night, even just a soak in warm water, lotion, the same lullabye CD on while I got her dressed into pajamas, nursed, swaddled and put her down.
DD was also sleeping in her own crib by then which I really think helped because she wasn't woken up by us moving around.
Is there anything that she will sleep in (swing, snug a bunny, etc) just to establish longer patterns of sleep and hit the reset button so that she's not overtired. That seemed to work for us. I was always worried about creating a habit I couldn't break but that never happened. -
we didn't have a schedule at 11 weeks, but we did follow awake times and fed on demand, sort of like EAESY. At 11 weeks, she was having around 4 naps per day, anywhere from 45 minutes to 1 1/2 hours. When you say she finally goes to bed at 2am, what time does she wake up at? If she is sleeping from like 2am until noon or so, you might need to re-adjust her schedule, so she's waking up around 7/8am, naps during day when you notice sleepy cues, and then bedtime around 8.
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All I can think of is a bit more stimulation during the day. Honestly though, I wouldn't worry much at this stage. It seems like many babies don't follow the "normal" sleep patterns. Mine was the opposite of yours -- she was an absolute beast to get to sleep for a nap during the day, but fell into a good nighttime sleep pattern pretty early on. I worried myself to death wondering why my daughter wouldn't nap like a normal baby. They're all just different...
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At 11 weeks, all bets were off. So many articles/people talk about getting your baby into a routine, etc, but there was NO schedule at our house.
She went to bed between 10-11:30, and often ended up sleeping in our bed. We transferred her to her own crib at 16 weeks. Really, until she hit about 6 months and we sleep trained, there wasn't much of a schedule. We would do a bedtime routine, but that was no guarantee that she would fall asleep/stay asleep. -
@Tidybee: yes to this! forgot about the longer bedtime routine. make it longer and a little different than naps.
also, do you keep house brighter during day? I would start shutting off all lights and dimming things as night time approached, like 7pm (although it's summer now so that would be more difficult..) and keep things brighter and louder during the day.
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Well, I guess the problem is that she doesn't go to sleep any night before 11:30 pm, and that is a good night.
@DigAPony: Yeah, I need to stop doing that, I know all babies are different and she will fall into a routine when she's ready.
@Adira: Yeah, cat nap central over here. I just wish she would fall asleep at 9ish.
@Smurfette: Yeah, her naps are that length too.....so I guess its normal. Just wish she would fall asleep earlier. Instead of staying awake from 8-12 or 1 in the morning.
@Tidybee: We try to do the same bedtime routine every night. Maybe I will try the 12 hour rule too. Haven't tried that yet. She definitely doesn't sleep in her crib yet, she sleeps in the swing, which is another annoyance, but one thing at a time. But, I will cut myself a break on that one, because she was just diagnosed with reflux, so we are trying to get that under control. Thanks for the advice. -
@ellewoods84: What time does she wake up for the day?
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At 11 weeks, DS was up every night cluster feeding from 10-3. And most days would wake again between 4 and 5 to feed. So, if you're stuck on comparisons, well, it could be worse.
But really, there are naturally good sleepers and...not. It sucks, and there are definitely things you can do (and it sounds like you are doing many of them), but comparison will rob you of all joy.
Good luck tired Mama!
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@ellewoods84: She is definitely over tired if she is awake from 5 to 230 at night. Try putting her down at 6 or 630 and see if that helps.
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@ellewoods84: I can't really remember what her days looked like at that age, but I know age 2.5-3.5 months was just not good for us. She was refusing naps, took forever to fall asleep, woke up multiple times a night. And if course I was so f-ing exhausted it was even harder to deal with. It sounds like your dd is a lot like C was at that age, both with the gas/fussiness and the sleep.
We eventually did CIO for falling asleep at bedtime at around 3.5 months- it seemed too young but nursing to sleep and rocking to sleep were taking longer and involving more crying than CIO did. After she hit 3.5 months things just gradually got better.
I drove myself insane reading sleep advice, sure I was just doing something wrong and that's why she didn't sleep like other babies. Then I reminded myself that if there was a "right way" there wouldn't be hundreds of sleep books on the market.
Fwiw c started STTN all on her own at 9 months. So there's hope.
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@NovBaby1112: well last night she fell asleep at 2 am and woke up at 745 this morning. She nursed, changed her diaper, and she fell asleep again at 820. She slept from 820-1050. And when she wakes up, I open blinds, talk to her and let her know it's daytime. And we keep it pretty dim at night but not starting at 7. I will try that tonight. @skibobrown: yes they are different! I try to stimulate her during the day....maybe not enough though!
@Mrs. Oatmeal: well I guess it's normal not to have a schedule/routine! I am seeing this now.
@Adira: it depends on when she went to sleep but usually anywhere from 7-8 am.
@Jess1483: eeek, and I know I need to stop comparing. Every baby is different. I guess I am just jealous of good sleeping babies! -
We had no schedule then! Things got much better for us at 3 months. (And then worse again, but that's another story.). At 11 weeks, I would just keep trying new things to see what works - swing, babywearing, rocking, whatever. We went thru a brief period (2 weeks maybe) where we had to take her on a short drive each evening to get her to settle and sleep. It will get better!
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We def had no schedule at that age- some babies sleep and some don't. It's not helpful I'm sure but the faster I realized I couldn't *make* my kid sleep and stopped reading about what he wS supposed to be doing, the happier we all were when he was that young!
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@Smurfette: Yeah, I know she's getting overtired. But, I try and try to get to her to sleep and she just won't. It's so aggravating. Because she's tired, she won't sleep, gets overtired....grrr.
@Foodnerd81: yeah, it sounds like they could be twins! I guess it is just also exhausting because she requires sooo much help to get to sleep so when she finally does fall asleep and then wakes up only 20 minutes later (for nighttime sleep, not naps), and we have to start all over.....and it goes on for sometimes 4-5 hours. ugh. I am sure we will have to do some sort of CIO with her eventually when she gets older because she hates to sleep. Crazy girl. I need to stop reading about sleep, seriously. I do this on all my free time, trying to figure out what to do and why won't she sleep, etc...I guess I just need to go with the flow and accept that she's a crappy sleeper. Thanks for the advice.
@Zbug: I guess I am not really looking for a schedule, but more or less, what time what your baby going to sleep at night and how were you getting that to happen. But, we will just keep doing what we are doing and hope she falls into her own pattern eventually.
@scg00387: Yeah, I think thats my biggest problem. I think she should be sleeping, I am obsessing over why she won't sleep and then I am just frustrated. And yes, I definitely cannot make her sleep so I should just stop obsessing! Thanks for the advice!I guess I don't really expect her to be on a schedule yet; I just wonder how people get their baby to sleep from 9 or 10 pm until 4. But, maybe their babies are just different than mine and I need to accept that and move on! I think that would make everyone in our house happier.
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@ellewoods84: I know it is so frustrating. How does she go to sleep now? In your arms? Do you wait a good 20-30 mins before you put her down?
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@ellewoods84: If they really are twins you only have a few weeks of this left, since C really did get so much better soon after this age. But yeah, I hear you on the frustration of spending a really, really long time actively trying to get baby to sleep (for us, if it wasn't nursing, it was bouncing hard on the exercise ball)... only for her to wake up after less than half the time it took to fall asleep. Just infuriating.
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Looks like I'm one of the few that had a schedule, LO would get tired around 9 and sleep until around 6. (she was a freak of nature and slept thru the night from very early on.) She was (and still is) a horrible napper, so all bets were off during the day. She would start getting sleepy around 8 pm and took an hour to get her all the way asleep.
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@Smurfette: Lol, thanks for understanding my frustration. My post was half advice wanted/half just listen to me complain about my non-sleeping child. She falls asleep 3 ways. 1) During the day, since we stick to EASY, once I notice her sleepy cues, I swaddle her and then the only way she will fall asleep is with me bouncing on the yoga ball and shhh shhh shhh continuously. That usually takes about 10 minutes. After 5 minutes of sleep, I put her into the swing (she won't sleep in her crib). I can usually get about 45 minutes of nap. 2) At night, I will nurse her and that may or may not put her to sleep. 3) If the nursing doesn't put her to sleep, we just put her in the swing and that may or may not work...depends on her mood. Plus at her 2 month check up, her dr. was stressing the drowsy, but awake thing. So, we are kind of trying to do that at night.
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@Foodnerd81: lol, YES THIS. She too has to be bounced on the ball. And then put into the swing. I mean, really. I hope they are twins because oooh weeee. I am ready for this phase to pass. And so is my body because my back and knees are killing me from the continuous bouncing.
@LuLu Mom: you lucky, lucky lady. lol. I guess I should be semi-happy with her 45 minutes of napping and take her sleep for what it is. -
@ellewoods84: OH! I have one thing that might actually help- I noticed that when C would fall asleep nursing, but then wake up when we moved her, it actually made it much harder for her to fall asleep, I think because she got a second wind from the tiny cat nap nursing. So I would nurse her in the evening in the living room with the lights on and DH talking, to help her stay awake for the full nursing session. That was when we decided nursing to sleep just wasn't working. We also held her asleep on our chest or wherever for at least 10-15 minutes after she first fell asleep, to let her get into a deeper sleep before putting her down.
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@ellewoods84: at 11 weeks I wouldn't worry about the drowsy but awake yet. Do whatever works!!
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@Foodnerd81: We had to do the same thing. Once R fell asleep, nursing or not, we had to hold her for 20-30 mins till she was dead to the world before we could put her down.
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@ellewoods84: Our Dr. stressed drowsy but awake and we thought we were geniuses when he did, for a while, then he didn't. Honestly I think it's a developmental thing. I read sooo many sleep threads on HB and overwhelmingly folks seemed to find around 5.5 or 6 months, it got better naturally or sleep training clicked. We did no cry sleep solution around then and it worked so well.
I know it's way easier to say now - but there just might not *be* a 'right answer'. It sucks. It is a phase. It will get better and worse. None of this helps, I know, I was exactly in your shoes! But honestly once it's not sleep, it will be rolling. Then crawling. then walking then talking that your LO isnt' doing what you think they ought to be doing, or they're doing it too much.
I hope you all get more sleep soon though!
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@Foodnerd81: Yes, this happens to us also! She nurses, we swaddle her, and then she will usually want to nurse some more. So, she does fall asleep and then upon transfer, as soon as we lay her down, wide eyes and smiling....um, no. go to sleep. So, maybe tonight I will try nursing her with the lights on and see if that helps. Because nursing to sleep hasn't worked for a couple weeks.
@Smurfette: yeah, thats what my mom said when I told her I was trying that out. She was like, do you really think that is going to work? when did you start to work on drowsy, but awake? -
@scg00387: Yeah, I guess I am just having a hard time accepting this phase! But, I need to get over it, obviously. And what I am now realizing is that every baby is different. I guess I just wondering if we were doing something wrong and that was why she wasn't sleeping well. And thanks for the sleep wishes!
Maybe we aren't holding her long enough once she falls asleep and thats why she wakes up so quickly once we transfer her to bed. Some new things to try tonight! It can't hurt.
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@ellewoods84: at 4 months when we sleep trained. I was at a breaking point, back at work, DH was about to start traveling again, and R was up every 30-90 mins all night. I would nurse her in the nursery, with the lights dimmed but still on. Then rock her a little but then put her down in the crib.
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This thread makes me feel SO MUCH BETTER. My baby was a decent sleeper in a good routine from 2-8 weeks, but the last five have been a total nightmare. She screams every night , and she is so overtired that she can't sleep. Two nights ago, it tool me 3 hours to get her to sleep, and when she did fall asleep, it was for 45 minutes
Last night, it was an hour and a half of routine at 6:30, she fell asleep, I put her in her crib, and she woke up screaming 15 minutes later. That is NOT a good return on investment! Once she's asleep, though, she will sleep for 6 hours, then wake up to eat and sleep for another 3.I seriously thought I was doing something wrong. Thanks for making my experience feel normal!!!
@ellewoods84: hang in there, Mama!!
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@LovelyPlum: isn't it nice to not feel like you are the only one having such a hard time? Not that I am happy that either one of us is having to deal with this, but I completely understand. That happens to us ALL.THE.TIME. It will take hours upon hours to get her to sleep and then she only sleeps for 20 minutes....no. Stop. And we will typically get a good stretch after that just like you. I guess our babies aren't so abnormal after all. Good luck to you also!!!
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I wish I had really great advice but I don't! I do have encouragement that my daughter's sleep was still all over the map at 11 weeks and she eventually settled into a routine at 5 months, partly naturally and partly because we did a little sleep training with the Ferber method.
When she was being a horrible sleeper around the age your LO is now what helped us was sort of counter-intuitive - we put her to sleep REALLY early. Like 5:30 pm. At that point she was still waking up to eat two or three times a night and we are an early rising family, so it seemed like putting her to bed super early helped her get the sleep she needed. She would usually be ready for her first "middle of the night" feeding around the time we went to bed so it worked out pretty well.
Around 4 months we started keeping her up a little later gradually. Now she goes to bed at 7:00.
I don't know if this would work for you but I just wanted to throw it out there as another possibility! Good luck - you will get through this!
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My LO had a really late bedtime at that age. What helped me was giving in to the late bedtime, and then gradually moving it earlier. I established a midnight bedtime, and gradually moved it earlier. What also helped was me taking a "nap" in the evening, which made me feel calmer and less desperate, which helped. I would go to bed at 9, and DH would watch LO. LO was extremely fussy during this time. DH would wake me at 11:30, and I would go through the bedtime routine. I would not worry about putting your LO down awake at that age. And I certainly would not worry about a nap schedule.
Last night, it was an hour and a half of routine at 6:30, she fell asleep, I put her in her crib, and she woke up screaming 15 minutes later. That is NOT a good return on investment! Once she's asleep, though, she will sleep for 6 hours, then wake up to eat and sleep for another 3.
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