What symptoms did you have that led you to think you had ppd?
I'm miserable. 
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@Ash: I'm sorry that you're going through this. The first step is recognizing that you aren't feeling like yourself. Have you talked to anyone else aside from mentioning this on HB?
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@2PeasinaPod: I was seeing a counselor but stopped a month or so ago because she wasn't helping. I've called around to different offices but nobody is accepting new patients.
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I didn't have full blown PPD but did have some anxiety. I was anxious all the time, cried, felt horrible, etc. I told my doctor and got on lexapro. I weaned myself off of it after about 6 months. I have a history of anxiety/depression so I could feel it coming and new that medication would help.
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️ you know my story, but just wanted to say I'm here if you ever need to talk.
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If you feel like you have PPD, especially if it is “hitting hard” please call your OB/GYN *right now*. They can prescribe anti-depressants and medication that will help. Coupling medication with counseling is (I think) ideal, and it definitely helped me, but bottom line is that the medication is what saved me.
PPD isn’t about “being sad”, it’s a chemical imbalance in your body. It isn’t your fault, and there are lots of treatment options available. I would also call your OB and ask about counselors they recommend – mine had several recommendations for counselors who specialize only in PPD/PPA – I wouldn’t have found these people on my own.
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I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I experienced PPD and PPA, mostly PPA. I was so overwhelmed and felt hopeless. I'm happy to share my story if it helps. But I agree that you should call your OB to see if they can refer you to someone. I didn't end up on meds, and I didn't even think my counseling sessions helped (at the time)- but somehow I pulled out of it. In retrospect, the counseling probably did help! I don't have a history of anxiety or depression, so my experience threw me for a huge loop. Hugs to you.
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@Ash: I'm sorry that the original counselor didn't help. Please keep trying. Can you give your OB a call for a recommendation? Even if the last counselor was a recommendation from them, ask for another one if they have one. I work in our benefits department at our company, and I can also try to help you find one. I'm going in for my RCS on Monday, but feel free to PM me, and I'll send you my email address.
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@yoursilverlining: Totally agree with this. Keep making calls and do not take no for an answer. You need to be evaluated and have the opportunity to get on medication ASAP. The day I decided I was suffering from PPD/PPA I plunged into every resource I could get my hands on, and within four days I had seen a psychiatrist and had a bottle of Zoloft in my hand. I started feeling better in just a few weeks. I did not want to feel like that for one second longer than I had to.
My symptoms included intense fear of being alone with LO, heart palpitations and dry mouth when she napped (in anticipation of when she was going to wake), total misery when DH left in the morning (I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from begging him to take sick days and stay home with us), complete loss of appetite to the point that I had to choke food down, fear of leaving the house with LO, etc. More anxiety symptoms than depression symptoms but fortunately Zoloft treats both, and is fine to take while breastfeeding.
I really am feeling 100% better now and things are wonderful with me and LO. I can't imagine what life would be like now if I hadn't gotten treatment. Good luck.
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@yoursilverlining: I have some leftover zoloft from last year so I'm gonna take that but call my ob to get a refill. I hate this feeling. I'm just not myself.
@lilteacherbee:
@BabyTsMom: thank you! The counseling hasn't done anything... I've seen 2 different ones in the past 1.5yrs without noticing a change.
@2PeasinaPod: thank you!
@PawPrints: I've seen a SW and LMHC - both of which haven't done anything. I was thinking I needed a psychiatrist but they're the ones that won't see me unless I'm referred from an inpatient unit sooooo, that's why I've had to see the people I have. My mom recommended someone for me to call. I started taking my zoloft again tonight so hopefully that will help too. It won't hurt, that's for sure. Thank you!
This sucks. I would never wish these feelings on anyone.
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Looking back I think I had some PPD/PPA. I was just talking about this with some other moms tonight - I didn't feel like myself at all, but I just thought, "This is my new normal. This is how it has to be."
2 years later, I'm still getting back to myself, though it got a lot better a lot quicker than I thought it would. I had a really good support system though. I'm glad you are trying to get the help you need
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@Ash: What convinced me was a nurse telling me it was not normal to be thinking about getting hit by a bus. What tipped me off otherwise, I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't eating, I was terrified of being alone with lo and every time lo would need to be fed or changed or basically every time she wasn't sleeping, then when she was sleeping I just waited fearing her waking up and crying, I was shakey and anxious.. It was more than being "not myself" or having baby blues. It colored absolutely every moment of my days. I thought lo would be better off adopted. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Keep pushing and find the right people, and take all the help you can get.
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@Ash: I think all the previous posters have given you great advice. Talk to your OB, and let them know what's going on even if it feels embarrassing or dumb.
I want to say this gently and without judgement- but when I was in the depths of my PPA it was really really hard to see how counseling was helping. It was an hour out of my week plus driving and arranging childcare and it was overwhelming. And I didn't feel better when I started. But after going back on medication and working to find what the right medication was (Zoloft quit being effective and it took a while to find something else) the therapy started to sink in. It wasn't like the meds- those I knew were working within two weeks of taking them. But I over a few months I gained skills and coping techniques that were helpful with the ppd and ppa and they also help me be a better parent, even when my anxiety and depression isn't acting up. Your counselor might not be the right one for you, or maybe therapy isn't what's going to do it for you right now and that's ok too. But, could you keep your T until you have a better support system in place? A good therapist should be helping you tap your resources for medication and additional help and they should be receptive to hearing that you don't feel like what they're doing is working.
Sorry for the endless sentences and paragraphs. I stink at typing on my phone.
Most importantly, you're not alone. Your PPD is not about you and your skills as a mother. It's a hormonal imbalance that makes you feel this way. You deserve to be supported and loved on.
It will get better. I'd be happy to share what my experience was like if you'd like. I haven't gone into detail here since I remember reading other people's experiences and finding new things to obsess over. If it would make you feel less alone though I'm happy to share.
Be gentle with yourself. This will get easier and it will get better.
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@Ash: How are you feeling today? Definitely keep up trying to see someone and don't be afraid to let them know that you feel as if you need to have some sort of medication therapy - maybe the Zoloft isn't what's right for your imbalance.
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@Ash: I haven't had PPD (yet), but I've dealt with depression, anxiety, and self-harm for most of my adult life. I know how badly it can suck, so I just wanted to extend some hugs and warm wishes.
Glad to hear you're being proactive about getting some help, it's a huge first step!ETA: Therapy (with a psychiatrist) has been absolutely key for my stability, but it took a looong time to find the right match. Unfortunately, there are a lot of crappy therapists out there.
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