When DD is getting angry with me, or just feeling naughty, she often pretends to hit me. Like she'll swing her hand in the air near me but doesn't actually hit me. Or she'll pretend to throw something. I'm always a little torn on how to handle it. In all honesty, it pisses me off and I want to discipline it. But the rule is "no hitting" and she's not really hitting. How would you handle this situation?
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See, the actual rule behind the "no hitting" rule, and every other rule in your household, is:
You will not disrespect your mommy and daddy.
Her actions are disrespectful and defiant. The intent is the same as if she actually hit you. She's just pushing you to the very farthest she thinks she can before you'll snap.
It actually reminds me of Cesar Milan's commentary on dogs who do the same thing. The dogs lunge and act as if they are going to bite, but they don't actually do it. The owners usually are quick to say, "Oh, but he's never actually bitten us!" Cesar then tells them that nevertheless, this is a "red zone" case and that it is a sign the dog is in a mindset that is emotionally unhealthy (and one day, when your back is turned, the dog probably will bite the neighbor). Humans are pack animals just like dogs, and I think the same psychology can be applied. Maybe she won't hit you, because she realizes that it's a bridge too far. But she might hit the cat, or a play mate, or a sibling, if she thinks she can get away with it. After all, she's been practicing hitting all this time, following through will be easy.
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Discipline.
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LO used to do that when she was younger. We very firmly told her we do not hit and it hurts mommy.
I definitely would not ignore but wouldn't discipline to Toth extent of if she actually hit you.
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@Skadi: Great advice. I learned some things from this post to use with my own toddler. Thanks!
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@Skadi: yep, this. That is the umbrella rule.
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Hmm see I don't think the main point is respect necessarily but that we do not hurt people. It sounds to me like she knows she doesn't want to hurt you, but she wants attention (even negative attention) from you.
When my kid does that I usually just put him down and say "please do not hit me." I try to be pretty non-chalant about it. I don't want to teach him threatening violence is a way to garner attention and a reaction. It's usually a sign though that he has some pent up energy or emotions that he needs to get out in healthier ways.
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6 comments