I'm really leaning toward one child. DH doesn't want to make any decisions about family size because he's very much a life brings what life brings kinda guy.
What are some of the pros/cons? What factored into your decision to have one or more than one?
I wouldn't get my tubes tied or anything like that, so I could always change my mind.
pineapple / 12526 posts
Pros:
-More resources to spend on the family/less financial strain
-Need less room in your living space
-Can drive a smaller car
-No need to spend on new gear for 2nd child
-Only have to do the newborn phase, sleepless nights, terrible twos, potty training, etc. once.
-Wont have to gain/lose baby weight again
-It's easier and cheaper to travel and do things with only 1 kid.
-Only have to pay for college once
-Cheaper childcare
-No sibling rivalry
-Dont have to split your attention between more than one child
-Quieter house
Cons:
-Kid could be lonely/no sibling companionship
-Risk being "spoiled"
-No sibling to share the workload as parents get older
-Kids learn from each other (which could be a pro and a con, lol)
-Child could have issues with sharing
Honestly, we are very much considering C being our only baby.
coconut / 8279 posts
I used to swear I was 'one and done' but now I'm not sure! I find myself fantasizing about a sibling for DS all the time.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
ditto all the Pros @zippylef: mentioned.
I agree with the "spoiled" con in the sense an only child will get more of their wants than a child with siblings. I know several only kids and yes they had tons of clothes and the latest toys/gear, but they were not spoiled or came off entitled. They are considerate, have very meaninful friendships, are driven and have a great work ethic.
DH and I have discussed this too and the only con he can come up with is the only child being a dissappointment and not having another child to be proud of. Example, your only kid becomes addicted to meth.
grapefruit / 4311 posts
I would prefer to have one, but my biggest pull for two is my own childhood - I have 3 siblings but the are 9-16 years older. I was more of an only child in reality and am a little envious of the close bonds some of my friends have with siblings 1-3 years apart in age.
GOLD / pear / 1845 posts
Having two is more work and more money (but not twice as much) but I'm do glad that my girls will have each other growing up. And they do keep each other company, which means it's less on us to keep them amused.
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
We thought about one, but ultimately our experience with siblings was too much of a pull to pass up. We do have friends that are one and done, and for them it really feels like the right decision. I don't feel like their babies are missing out.
nectarine / 2504 posts
I was an only child and I longed for siblings growing up. I definitely want my LO to experience growing up with a brother and/or sister around.
pomelo / 5628 posts
We are one and done. We discussed it before even getting engaged. I would like to have another, but I'm ok with our compromise.
I think one child can potentially become lonely, but our DS will have a male cousin nearby who is just 3 months older than him so hopefully his cousin will be like a brother.
persimmon / 1081 posts
I have a sister who is a year and a half younger. I never thought I'd have only one child, even in the throes of newborn colic hell. Only children also mean no cousins. DH and I have 38 first cousins between us. DD doesn't need that many of course but I'd hate for her and her children to miss out on a big extended family.
GOLD / papaya / 10206 posts
I'm so close to my sister that I can't imagine not giving that opportunity to LO. But then there are times I just can't imagine having any love left in my heart for anyone else because I love her SO SO SO much. I don't want to love her less because she has a sibling.
pomelo / 5093 posts
I was an only child and desperately wanted a sibling. I eventually got step siblings, who are just like 'real' siblings, but I always wanted that biological connection. For that reason we'll be having another child, in addition to all the other good reasons.
pomegranate / 3388 posts
DH was also an only child, and we both come from small families, so we have decided that DD should have a sibling.
Of course, after learning what a challenge parenting is, I am honestly very tempted to be one and done. But we will get back on the baby-making wagon eventually. It might be a few years though...
nectarine / 2127 posts
I think if we have a second, it'd be once LO is in kindergarten, so I'm a little worried that 4-5 years apart wouldn't be conducive to a strong sibling bond.
hostess / watermelon / 14932 posts
@prettylizy: I'm worried about the same!
@septemberlove: my brother & I are 4.5 years apart (I was in kindergarten when he was born!) and we played well together. We're good friends now at 20 & 24.
I want one more in addition to LO but my husband has recanted his wanting 3 and saying he only wants her. It's a huge issue right now 
cantaloupe / 6397 posts
@septemberlove: my sister and I are 4 years apart and she's my best friend!
coconut / 8498 posts
I'm an only child, and I grew up envious of friends with siblings. I'm close to my cousins, but "like a sister" isn't really the same thing.
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
@septemberlove: my sister is four years older than me, five in school, and she is my absolute best friend. Age didn't matter.
The biggest reason I want more than one is my own relationships with my siblings. My sisters are my best friends and I really really hope my kids live each other that much when they are older. I can see lots of pros for both but that is the biggest one for me.
But no need to decide anything now! Just stay on bc until a change if heart or not.
pear / 1672 posts
We're on the fence re: one vs. two. I was an only child and loved my experience. I almost never longed for a sibling, and I don't now. I was never spoiled with material things, since my mother had no money to spoil me. She did make me into a big time hugger though. 
That said, I know that I am a particular person and that my first child might not feel the same way. We'll continue to think about this, but many aspects of who DH and I are as people would make having one an easier and better choice for us.
At the same time, I think if you've got the resources and love to give, why not have more than one?
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
@sorrycharlie: give him time. That's what Mr Jacks said to. Then all of a sudden one day it was like a light switched and he wanted a second. I think it helped him that I never pushed.
GOLD / pineapple / 12662 posts
@SorryCharlie: I just wanted to send you ((hugs)), and to add that I think @MrsJacks is spot on.
I am really on the fence about a second (I feel very similarly to @PrettyLizy), and am currently leaning toward just one. It also doesn't help that if we were to have a second that I would want to do it before I turn 40, and that is not that far away (I am 37). And after a difficult pregnancy and an even more difficult (unplanned) induction, I don't know if my body is ready for such a quick turn around. But that feeling may change as I get further away from the delivery and start feeling more like myself again.
If DH decided that he wanted a second, I would be on board, although my worry is that there were so many issues with this pregnancy that he won't want to go though it again.
clementine / 943 posts
My mom was an only child, and she always talks about how lonely she was growing up.
DH had a brother, but he was born with a neurological defect and died young, so in a sense he was raised VERY much like an only child, and he equates his childhood with that of an only child. Now that we're older, he says he wishes he had siblings so that LO would have cousins to play with. Also, his parents are way crazy when it comes to DH because he's their only child.
From my viewing of DH's experience, it seems like a lot of pressure can be put on the only child.
pear / 1664 posts
we're one and done.
I was an only child myself. I'm totally cool with it. Sure, as kid I was jealous of my friends who have siblings. But now, it's really all i've ever known and it doesn't bother me at all. Looking back i can see that I had a great childhood, and a lot of it was because of being an Only. 
I also didn't have any cousins close to me physically or close in age. I guess I was just a loner and I think it's just fine.
Reason we're done after 1 is that I hate pregnancy with a firey passion and I am absolutely 100% not doing it again. 'Amnesia' or not.
eggplant / 11824 posts
I don’t really see any cons to having one child; but maybe that’s because we’re one and done. I have a younger brother and sure we played as kids and were buddies; but I also played with the other kids in the neighborhood and my friends. We never had any cousins our age that lived in the same state we lived in; so having more than 1 doesn’t guarantee they will have tons of cousins to play with either. You also can’t count on your kids taking care of you when you’re older; or that if you have more than 1, all your kids will step by equally to help care for you.
I also have nooooooooooo desire to be pregnant again or to deal with the newborn stage again.
hostess / watermelon / 14932 posts
@Mrs. Jacks: @MsLipGloss: thanks guys! I'm really hoping he'll change his tune, that's what I've heard from many people (that their husbands got more into it as the child got older). I wasn't going to really bring it up until she was older, but my husband kept making comments in front of my family that I found upsetting and inappropriate (about her not having any siblings, not wanting another, etc) so I had to confront him 
GOLD / wonderful pea / 17697 posts
@sorrycharlie: We're sort of in a similar position...except we both went from wanting two to just wanting one, but now I *think* I want two again! I'm in no rush, though, so I'm just going to wait and see.
I'm barely on speaking terms with my siblings, so I don't think that having one guarantees a life-long best friend.
cherry / 123 posts
My best friend is an only child. She thought it was fine growing up, but one of the things that makes her sad now as an adult is that her children won't have any aunts, uncles or cousins on her side of the family.
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