We have a nearly 12 year old Newfoundland dog that was recently found to have cancer that is quite advanced. He really doesn’t have long. We haven’t told our 3 and 6 year olds yet. We are telling them about the cancer tonight and if it naturally leads to the topic of euthanasia we will discuss that with them as well. I know there are a handful of books out there that address pet loss but I am wondering if anyone has one that they recommend in particular.
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I don’t have any advice, but I’m so sorry - losing a pet is so so hard.
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I don't have any book recommendations, but I'll share what we just went through.
We just had to put our beloved 7 year old dog down a couple of weeks ago. We thought he just had a leg injury from running around, turns out he had advanced bone cancer and had fractured it and was filled with cancer. We had no idea and had to make the decision quickly. Our daughter (2.5 year old) never really got to say goodbye, but is young enough to have taken it in stride. We have told her "Rover" had cancer and died. And we miss him a lot. And I'm sad because I miss him. She has parroted it a lot, "I'm sad too. I miss Rover". That's pretty much where we are. She asked a few times, "Where's Rover" and we just say, remember Rover died. We miss him. And she says "I miss him too" and then she keeps playing.
Good luck navigating the future. It's so hard saying goodbye.
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I have an almost 3 yo and we just lost our cat very unexpectedly during a procedure at the vet. We told DS that Marty died and that means he can’t breathe or play anymore. He’s not alive and he can’t come back. We said that we are very sad and miss him. We also said that we can talk about Marty and remember him whenever we want to. DS replied “ but I love my Marty cat and I don’t want him to be gone”. So we just said it’s ok to be sad, etc. We went to the vets office to say goodbye and asked ds if he wanted to go in. We explained again that he would not be breathing or moving and he said he wanted to. I was crying and he hugged my neck and said “it’s ok mama, I’m here with you”. The Vet came in and she was crying too bc it was very unexpected. He told her “it’s ok to be sad and mad too”. He said goodbye and cried as we walked out. Now that a few weeks have passed, he brings Marty up maybe every couple of days. He has asked when he’s coming back and would yell, HE WILL COME BACK! when we would say oh bud, Marty died and can’t come back. Yesterday we were reading a book with a black cat and he said “that looks like Marty! I know he’s gone, but I like to talk about him”, so I think he is getting it now. We watched Daniel Tigers Blue Fish episode which helped and there’s also a book. We also read Todd Parr’s The Goodbye Book and Mr, Rogers When a Pet Dies. I like these books because they are age appropriate, factual and don’t mention heaven or any other religious ideas, all of which were important to us. I’m so sorry for your family.
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@TemperanceBrennan: Exactly this. We just put our 16.5 year old JRT to sleep because of advanced kidney failure but we only knew for about a week before making the decision. Our 2.5 year old, just like yours, occasionally asks where she is but we just say, she was old. She died. We still love her and can still talk to her. And he says oh yeah, she died, we still love her! And that is that.
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@peaches1038:
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@wrkbrk: same to you
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@peaches1038: thank you for the recommendations. I am an atheist so I don’t really want to get into the religious/heaven talk as well. I’m sorry about the sudden loss of your cat, I signed a DNR when our dog went under sedation and it was so tough.
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@TemperanceBrennan: I’m sorry for your loss, the sudden part would be so hard. I am a bit less worried about our 3 (almost 4) year old, our 6 year old undstands so much though
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It’s super hard. We don’t really know how long we will have and the cancer he has (spleen) could rupture suddenly and hemorrhage and rapid death, so we are toeing a line between giving us time with him and making sure he doesn’t meet a traumatic end. The vet recommended we take a bit of time and euthanize him before that can happen - even if he still seems pretty happy and well. It sucks.
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@MsMini: sorry to hear this about your Newfie
for what it's worth, vets (and doctors) can be very very wrong about diagnosing. Maybe not the case but I definitely have stories about fatal diagnoses and the freaking cat/dog living quite a while longer, like years in some cases. -
@MsMini: I am so sorry to hear about this. This is not exactly the same (as it mostly talks about the loss of a person) but this is a Sesame Street website with grief resources:
https://sesamestreetformilitaryfamilies.org/topic/grief/?ytid=a2VpflpbOmkIf I recall correctly it is not religious. But there are videos and activities and ways to frame things for young children that you could tweak I think to fit your situation. I will be thinking of you during this difficult time.
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@MsMini: It sounds so unthinkAble but that was what we did. My spouse did not want to have to put her down In the middle of an emergency medical situation. We chose
To go ahead when she could have had 2-4 more weeks before it was absolutely** necessary. But we felt so strongly about not waiting until
It was past time if that makes sense. -
@wrkbrk: That totally makes sense to me. It is something that has been on my mind non stop since I saw the images of his cancer. The vet said this cancer is one that will cause a dog to suddenly drop dead with little to no warning, we are actually "lucky" we found it because it usually has such subtle symptoms if any at all. My husband really wants him to make it until his 12th birthday in another month. I don't think we have that long. I'm meeting with the vet and the company that they contract pet cremation to tomorrow to pre-arrange some stuff so we just have to call in with the date we want. It's all just so freaking weird and sad.
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@MsMini:
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I’m so sorry. Losing a pet is so hard! They are a part of the family.
We had to put our cat down when DD was nearly 3. We told her that he had died and explained it as simply as we could. We also bought her a stuffed cat that looks a lot like our pet. We told her he knew she would miss him, so he left this stuffed animal for her to hug anytime she missed him. It’s her absolute favorite stuffed animal, and he goes everywhere with her. She still talks about our cat pretty regularly, and it’s been almost a year and a half.
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I’m sorry about your dog.
I have never actually read it, but there is a book called The Tenth Good Thing About Barney. It’s about a boy whose cat dies.
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I don't have any book suggestions but just wanted to mention my kids are similar ages and my almost 4 year old was WAY more distraught over my mom's dog passing (they were super close to her and we don't have any of our own pets) than my almost 6 year old was. It was the first time either of them really understood that someone/something they knew and loved died and wasn't coming back, there were SO many tears and big emotions, and it took a solid few days for him to be okay. It happened almost 6 months ago and my 3 year old still asks questions about her at least once a week, and says he misses her. It's a tough situation, hugs to you and yours!
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