We've joked on here about RBF syndrome and this article makes the argument RBF and other "bitch" description of women are no laughing matter. DI you use the terms in the articles? Fun or Foul?
EDIT: correct link
http://www.cnn.com/2015/08/10/opinions/drexler-rbf/
nectarine / 2115 posts
That's not a real link, so not sure what the article says, but I agree that it's derogatory to women. It really bothers me when I see those terms used.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
@travellingbee: @mrsrain: @Alivoo01: My apologies about the pop up link. The actual article I read is now up.
pineapple / 12802 posts
I haven't read the full article yet, but I came across a bit that stuck out at me so far. I have never, EVER, heard a man comment on a women's "resting bitch face" or even a lack of smiling. I find other women comment on it, and usually it's a women saying it about herself. I don't know about other circles, but in mine, this is the case.
ETA: MEH. I feel like the article is a bunch of fluff. Written to start drama. Maybe I have a different understanding of RBF. I always thought it was a look SOME women had when they weren't smiling that made them look kind of perturbed, annoyed or angry. Not just "resting face". I don't have a resting bitch face. Even when I'm absent-mindedly thinking and not smiling. I do know of women who do look angry just resting their face, and that's where I thought the term came from.
Maybe I'm just not offended that easily, but the big bad B-word doesn't make me feel disrespected or demeaned. I try not to let people's words hold that much weight on my feelings.
ETA: ALSO, male equivalents: asshole, alpha-male, prick. They may not seem like an "equivalent" but why not? Personally, I think it's because men are like "I don't give a fuck" and women are all like "OMG, YOU JUST CALLED ME A WHAAAAT?"
honeydew / 7504 posts
I don't know. To me, RBF isn't just the face you make when you're not making a face, as the article implies. I don't think my "expression-less expression" is bitchy. I think I look bored, ha ha. But someone like Kristin Stewart has RBF - she just constantly looks pissed off!
I think we as a society need to stop taking ourselves so seriously. To me, RBF is a joke. I'm not saying Kristin Stewart IS a bitch, just that she looks a little bitchy. Renee Zellweger's resting face looks like she's sucking on a lemon, even though I'm quite certain that she's not, in fact, sucking on a lemon.
I realize that the term "bitch" has all kinds of negative connotations. But let's be honest - how many of you have called your girlfriend a bitch purely out of humor? I'm not offended by the term.
squash / 13208 posts
@.twist.: totally agree - men I know have never even heard the term "resting bitch face"
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
I agree with the article. The B-word is derogatory to women and there doesn't appear to be a male equivalent. I remember with a previous boyfriend, we used to get into ridiculous fights and he'd call me the B-word and I'd get so frustrated that there wasn't something I could call him that was equally as insulting.
I think we all need to stop using the B-word, men and women alike.
pineapple / 12802 posts
@Adira: I feel like words become offensive when they become off limits. Take the power out of their vocabulary. Make it a useless word. Not one to fuel the fire.
hostess / papaya / 10219 posts
Read the article and yes I totally agree with it. All those phrases are demeaning and have no male equivalent. I'm always being told to smile because I look prettier that way. It's rude and sexist. No one tells men to smile so they look more handsome. No one tells a serious looking man that they look like a bastard. They are just serious and thoughtful. But a woman is a B. 
pomelo / 5257 posts
I don't really like the term because it essentially comes from the same place as those guys on the street who say, "aw, come on, give me a smile! It's not that bad!" as if a woman walking down the street without a ridiculous grin on her face has some kind of problem. So my issue isn't so much from the the words used as the connotation behind them.
grapefruit / 4089 posts
@.twist.: "Maybe I'm just not offended that easily, but the big bad B-word doesn't make me feel disrespected or demeaned." -- Agreed!
@littlebug: I agree with you completely.
My SIL and I were just talking about how we both have RBF, and it was all in good fun. The article says, "But you don't have to be famous to have people (mainly men) call you out for not having a smile painted on at all times"... I've never heard a man use the term RBF before, and in my circle of family and friends, we are just as likely to tell a guy to smile as we are to tell a woman (mostly in a, "cheer up" kinda way).
I can't bother getting worked up about stuff like this, which is exactly what the author of that article is trying to get people to do.
honeydew / 7504 posts
@.twist.: Exactly. "Fear of the name only increases fear of the thing itself." Not to be a total nerd and quote Harry Potter, but that's one of many lines in those books that has always stood out to me. You stop using the word, you give it too much power.
grapefruit / 4671 posts
I think the article has some good points but unfortunately they are masked by a lot of other fluff and crap. The issues with men constantly telling women to smile are real, it happens to me at least once a day and it makes me furious. I think that people who live in an urban environment and thus walk a lot more will have had more experience with this than those that mainly travel by car.
At any rate, I find it appalling that people think that you have to smile all the time and look happy and excited as though you are an object there for their viewing pleasure. I have never once in my life heard someone ask a male colleague to smile. STOP TELLING WOMEN TO SMILE!!! Ha.
pineapple / 12802 posts
@travellingbee: I know this is one case, but I tell my husband all the time to smile. He has a wonderful smile and I genuinely want to see more of it, why can't a man think the same of a women? He has a RBF! He doesn't mean to do it, but he always looks angry. We joke about it. So, I know it's one anecdote, but I'm sure there are others too.
watermelon / 14467 posts
I don't think we need to stop using the word "bitch." What we as a society need to do is stop using it as a derogatory term toward women. There isn't a male equivalent. It has negative connotations.
I'm someone who has been told I have RBF, and not in a nice way. I just don't smile a lot unless I'm laughing, taking a picture, or generally having fun. It's weird to me to be walking down the street and have a smile plastered on my face just because.
grapefruit / 4671 posts
@.twist.: He is your husband though right? Not some random dude your are walking past on the street. I find it extremely insulting when the security guard who works the door in my building feels that he can tell me to smile when I walk in. He would never dare say that to a man.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@.twist.: @littlebug: I don't agree with this argument. If not using a word gives it too much power, does that mean other offensive words should come back into play? Like racial slurs? Some words are just offensive and shouldn't be used.
pomelo / 5257 posts
@travellingbee: @plantains: exactly, definitely never heard of a man being told to "smile!" When I told my husband about that lovely phenomenon he was like, "wtf? That is so weird." Like the concept was foreign to him. Not so much to me, I got it all the time when I lived in NYC! And I was mostly just trying to avoid eye contact...
pineapple / 12802 posts
@plantains: I suppose not and I see your point. My boss constantly tells me to smile, and it IS annoying. I've never associated it with him wanting to "see my pretty face" though... maybe I need to reassess his comments. LOL. I find it more irritating than offensive though.
pineapple / 12802 posts
@Adira: I do realise it's probably an unpopular opinion, but I do think that about all words, yes.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@.twist.: We'll just have to agree to disagree, but I appreciate that you're opinion is for all words and not just specific ones. 
pineapple / 12802 posts
@Adira: haha agreed. It's an argument for ... well, not the internet.
honeydew / 7504 posts
@Adira: Racial slurs were institutionally used to demoralize an entire culture of people.
An interesting POV here: http://clarebayley.com/2011/06/bitch-a-history/
In 1968, women owned the term Bitch. And yet somehow we've let it become an insult again? That doesn't sit right with me.
grapefruit / 4045 posts
@avivoca: There is a male equivalent! Resting d*ck face.
I've only ever heard girls using RFB and RDF. No one I know is offended by it and two of my own friends have RBF in a major way.
clementine / 880 posts
I have a very serious looking face when 'resting" and i get told to smile a LOT. It started when i was a waitress in highschool... men would constantly tell me i'd get better tips if i'd smile... which felt sort of awkward, like if i flirted i'd get money. I'm not comfortable with that. And it has continued through out my life. A guy who worked at my company cafeteria would always tell me to smile.. every day! Sorry, dude, i'm just making my salad here and getting back to work, i don't need to have a perma-smile on, i'm not a cheerleader!
I'm perfectly comfortable wtih my serious face, if YOU (random men i don't know) think i need to smile that is only to benefit YOU, not me. YOUR comfort is not more important than mine - I do not have to smile for you.
clementine / 880 posts
@plantains: can you tell i've thought about this a lot? It comes up too often
grapefruit / 4671 posts
@LaughLines: I think about it often too! It drives me nuts and I really have to restrain myself to snapping at everyone who tells me to smile.
pomegranate / 3231 posts
I don't especially care about the "b" word, but I really want to punch people -- let's face it, it's always men -- who tell me to smile.
I really can't stand the notion that a woman is supposed to fulfill some sort of aesthetic purpose/role for a man.
clementine / 880 posts
@plantains: oh i've snapped. I did at the guy at my work cafeteria, haha. I wish it were eloquent but it's usually something like "you know it's rude to ask someone to smile" but really i don't' think that helps much because they obviously don't know that it's rude or WHY it's rude or they wouldn't do it. If you have a better come-back let me know!
pomelo / 5524 posts
@plantains: Can I just tell you that I'm sitting at my desk and was concentrating on something, and a male coworker just walked by and told me to smile? I wanted to punch him.
clementine / 880 posts
@2PeasinaPod: WHO just smiles all the time?! i don't get it. Like, oh i'm just analyzing these spreadsheets with a wide teeth-showing smile? No. Never.
hostess / papaya / 10219 posts
@LaughLines: @2PeasinaPod: well exactly... Because society still hasn't gotten over the idea that men are the real movers and shakers and women should look pretty. If we look too serious, that's not cool.
Oh and back to RBF, so men will tell you to smile but women, who have also internalized that crap message, just silently judge the serious face as the woman looks pissed or bitchy.
pomegranate / 3231 posts
@travellingbee: What on earth could you possibly be worrying your pretty little head about?
pomelo / 5524 posts
@LaughLines: Exactly...I just gave him a dirty look. No I will not smile because you told me to. Jerk.
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