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Resting Bitch Face is Anti-Woman

  1. LaughLines

    clementine / 880 posts

    @travellingbee: agreed.

  2. plantains

    grapefruit / 4671 posts

    @travellingbee: such a good point. That the sexism is coming from women doesn't make it any better. Judging Kristen Stewart and Victoria Beckham for looking 'angry' while never finding it strange that a man might have the same expression is baffling.

  3. LaughLines

    clementine / 880 posts

    Though I guess i don't know where i stand on teh term RBF. I think some general awareness that "hey, this is how my face looks, back-off" is good. People should realize the "resting" face DOESN'T have to be a smile and THAT'S OKAY!

    But i do agree that the term bitch is meant to have a female-specific negative connotation. As if a women who isn't smiling is a bitch and not fulfilling societies standards for what a woman should look like. It's too negative of a term i think.

    If it were "resting serious face" that isn't directly negative, it's just descriptive (i dont' think serious is negative). It's just describing that some people don't always smile all the time and that's a normal condition without being a negative condition

  4. plantains

    grapefruit / 4671 posts

    @2PeasinaPod: hahahahaha. I see this starting to happen to my 3 year old DD too and it makes me so mad. But of course because she is a preschooler with no filter, her responses are great.

    Random guy to my kid : Smile kid it isn't that bad
    Lara to random guy: No I don't want to. Don't talk to me, I'm just walking with my mom.

    I could learn a thing or two from my child.

  5. blackbird

    wonderful grape / 20453 posts

    This article feels an awful lot like people looking for things to be bitchy about, lol. Guys get called douchey. Women don't. *shrug* I totally have a resting bitch face. I don't care. I usually respond "I'm thinking".

    I think women also care more about what others say to them and what they think about them than men do, so topics like this tend to blow up a bit.

  6. TrailRunner

    kiwi / 585 posts

    @.twist.: Add me to the RBF club with your husband bc I have it too! I always look pissed off even if I'm just daydreaming. People tell me all the time that they find me very offputting when they meet me, but after they get to know me they realize how sweet I am. I try to make an effort to smile more and generally appear "happy", and when I do I notice that people are a lot more receptive and nicer to me.

  7. nana87

    cantaloupe / 6171 posts

    I didn't read the article, but I don't find the term offensive, mostly because the only people I've actually heard use the phrase are saying it about themselves in a sort of empowering, like in a "yes this is my face, I'm owning it so back off and mind your own business" kind of way

  8. littlejoy

    pomegranate / 3375 posts

    Meh. The article is junk. I agree with PP that it's grasping ... My husband and I joke about RBF (which I totally have), but we also joke about Resting Asshole Face. There's a video online if you want to have a laugh. We live in a sexist society (against both sexes), and that's not changing anytime soon. I chalk this saying up to a funny observation, and that's about it.

  9. Mae

    papaya / 10343 posts

    @blackbird: all of that.

    Also I've never had some random person tell me to smile. Maybe because when I make eye contact with people, even strangers, I generally smile. Because it doesn't cost anything to be pleasant. (not because my uterus commands me to be pleasant I just think it's a nice way to be..?). But even if people do randomly tell women to smile more than men.... man I can just think of so many more important things to be pissed off about. lol

  10. 2PeasinaPod

    pomelo / 5524 posts

    @plantains: This is the best response ever!

    @Mae: I wasn't making eye contact with my co-worker when he just told me to smile a few hours ago. And maybe it's pregnancy hormones raging, but he would never say something like that to a man...why does he get to randomly say it to me when I'm not even looking at him? Why do I have to be happy and smiling all the time?

  11. Mrs.KMM

    grapefruit / 4355 posts

    @.twist.: "Personally, I think it's because men are like "I don't give a fuck" and women are all like "OMG, YOU JUST CALLED ME A WHAAAAT?""

    I completely agree with this (and most everything you've said on this thread). I find that women like to create drama and turn things into an issue, where no issue really exists. I don't take any issue with the B word and find that most times when I hear people referring to RBF, they are saying it about themselves jokingly.

  12. plantains

    grapefruit / 4671 posts

    @Mae: I think that is easy for you to say because it is not your experience in life. I don't equate smiling with being pleasant nor do I feel the need to communicate whether I am a nice person or not to people that I neither know nor am I interacting with. I smile when I want to not because some person thinks that they have the power to instruct me to do so. I'm not a puppet here for their entertainment. If you look at me and don't like what you see, look the other way. I can honestly say that after living in NYC for 10 years, I have been told to smile pretty much every day of my life. It has happened in Philly, Chicago and LA too.

    It really is harassment and I find it ridiculously demeaning. Like for real who are you little 17 year old boy on the corner to tell me to smile? Eff off.

  13. Mrs.KMM

    grapefruit / 4355 posts

    @Mae: "Maybe because when I make eye contact with people, even strangers, I generally smile. Because it doesn't cost anything to be pleasant. (not because my uterus commands me to be pleasant I just think it's a nice way to be..?)."

    This is completely me as well! Maybe it's because I grew up in the Midwest and now live in the South where I've found that people are typically generally more pleasant towards strangers they see on the street and in the shops around them.

  14. Mae

    papaya / 10343 posts

    @plantains: Maybe it's the Ohio in me that I tend to think smiling = being pleasant

    Regardless I feel like there are a lot of things to be pissed off about in life and the idea of this happening just doesn't get me worked up.

  15. Mae

    papaya / 10343 posts

    @Mrs.KMM: lol jinx on the midwestern thing. I don't know I also just sometimes like talking to strangers..? Maybe that is weird but if I'm out running around it is sort of boring and snippets of interaction keep things interesting. I find that a lot of times if I smile at some random person they open a door for me or make some other nice comment and we chat a minute and it's just nice. It makes me feel like I live in more of a community and like most people are good/nice people.

  16. Mrs. Lemon-Lime

    wonderful pea / 17279 posts

    @plantains: my experience is very similar to yours. Telling women to smile is a form of cat calling IMO. All of a sudden a woman hears a voice with a request. The attention is startling and definitely unwanted.

    With regards to BRF and Basic Bs (my idea is different than the article) I view these as funny sayings using the reclaimed "bitch." I don't generally use these terms yet I can appreciate the humor. There's nothing wrong with women not smiling and having other expressions. A non-smiling woman is not the opposite of BRF IMO, it's just a woman with a mean mug as her most of the time face.

  17. plantains

    grapefruit / 4671 posts

    @Mae: meh I talk to strangers a lot. On the subway, while I am picking up at daycare etc. I just don't like men telling me to smile, and it really is just men doing it. Women don't tell you to smile, if they want to say hi, they say hi. There is a pretty big difference between striking up conversation and instructing someone to smile, but on this issue like so many others, your mileage may vary.

  18. Mrs.KMM

    grapefruit / 4355 posts

    @Mae: completely agree! I have random little mini chats with strangers while out and about all the time and love that I live where people are receptive to that. I lived in LA for a bit and people looked at me like I had two heads when I tried to chat there.

  19. agold

    grapefruit / 4045 posts

    @Mae: I tend to agree with all of what you are saying.

    Also, I think there are two separate issues here. Random men telling a girl to smile is pretty horrible. But RBF is more than just a girl who isn't smiling. Some people put off a total B aura about themselves. I work with a lady who has major RBF and acts as if she is miserable and disgusted all day long to be at the office. really, even a smile won't help her. But if she were to smile, i wouldn't appreciate it for my own viewing pleasure, but maybe just for the office morale. That being said, she at the front of the office, not wholed away in her own office. RFB away in your own office. I could personally care less if someone smiles!

  20. mrbee

    admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts

    I didn't think this stuff was a big deal, but then I heard on This American Life that people have been complaining that NPR's female hosts have "vocal fry":

    << Listeners have always complained about young women reporting on our show. They used to complain about reporters using the word like and about upspeak, which is when you put a question mark at the end of a sentence and talk like this. But we don't get many emails like that anymore. People who don't like listening to young women on the radio have moved on to vocal fry. >>

    http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/545/transcript

    I do think that women are held to a higher standard than men on a range of things... realizing that changed how I think about RBF and vocal fry.

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