I was wondering if there are any sahm or dad's who don't drive or don't have a car? I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes with a 5 month old and no where to go. I can't drive.
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I don't really drive but I live in a city with great public transportation and a lot withing walking distance...I think I would feel isolated otherwise
do you have buses/trains nearby?
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My coworker's wife was a WOHM who only took public transportation! She recently took classes and started driving more, after their son turned 2. Not impossible!
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I don't drive but same as @hilsy85 I live in a city that relies on public transit.
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We have a car, but dh takes it to work.
Being home with two is easy enough with transit, but we live downtown so there's tons to do. I couldn't survive in the burbs carless. -
@hilsy85: I live in a fairly rural area. We have a bus but it runs so infrequently that I'm always scared of missing naps. I do walk! Of course I also like in one of the wettest places in the U.S.
Is it hard taking babies on buses? I never really thought to try, sometimes it feels easier to make excuses, but I'm going a little stir crazy.
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@msplatypus: can you learn to drive? being without a car in a rural area sounds rough.
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I would also be worried about safety. Can you get to a hospital an in emergency?
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@hotchildinthecity: I was in an accident about 10 years ago that scared me pretty bad, my husband really wants me to learn. It's probably time.
@Truth Bombs: uhh, nope. I'm suprised with all my anxiety this has never come up. I have neighbors that are very close by so if it was a real emergency we'd manage
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@msplatypus: I'm exactly like you! We live in the burbs and I don't drive. Thankfully it's a very walkable neighborhood and there's a park nearby. So that's how we get out of the house. The sucky part is not being able to take my girls to the library or activities. But I'm home because I'm unemployed so there's no money for activities anyway!
We plan to make a big push for me to learn this spring and summer. Hopefully family can watch the kids here and there so we can get some practice in.
If there was a life threatening emergency I'll call 911 anyway. If it's a Urgent care visit scenario we can wait for DH to get home. Not ideal but no different than someone in a big city without a car imo.
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I can drive but don't like to drive (I'm not confident due to lack of practice) without another adult in the car to navigate. We live in a big city though, and don't own a car, so the only time I really HAVE to drive is when we rent one for road trips and I take a turn to give DH a break.
FWIW, if you are taking lessons, also try to get in some practice with another adult in the car plus your baby in the backseat...kids are a big distraction; I'm trying to learn how to tune mine out if they get upset in a place where I can't pull over and help them immediately. That's what I think makes me more nervous than the actual driving itself.
ETA: regarding the emergency care question, I can walk to both the pediatrician and the ER most likely faster than someone could get two kids in car seats and drive there - both are within 7 blocks of my apartment. I can call a car service that gets there in 5 minutes if I can't walk.
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@PinkElephant: yeah in a city I wouldn't worry but OP said she was rural. For me, I could get LO to a hospital faster than waiting for an ambulance, so not having access to car would worry me from that perspective.
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I'm 32 and I only just got my license in August last year. I realise now how reliant I was on others, and I know I missed out on many opportunities and events because I couldn't physically get to them. I relied on walking/public transport quite a bit, but I live in the suburbs and it takes time to get to where you need to be.
I started driving more frequently as a learner with hubby, and as I got more confident I booked 8 lessons with an instructor in advance so I couldnt get out of them! He was an amazing teacher, and encouraged me to book my test in advance and get in as many hours driving as possible - I was amazed that I actually passed my test considering I was a nervous wreck.
The most important thing is getting on the road, I never ever believed I could actually get my license, but since I did I have been constantly on the road taking DD to play dates, going grocery shopping any time of the day! I should have done it 15 years ago
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I grew up with a SAHM who did not drive until she was 34! By that time she had three little ones under the age of 7. Oh and my mom was an immigrant and did not know much English. She took us on lots of buses, we walked, and it worked. It actually makes me really proud of her to think back that she did this....all by herself while my dad was in school/at work and in a new/strange country.
we lived mostly in the suburbs.
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I was going nuts so we actually moved where I could walk everywhere. I feel so much better! Can you take a bus?
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@msplatypus: how do you get your LO took his doctor appointments? I'd imagine those are during the day when your husband is working.
Until you learn to drive maybe you can host other SAHP and their babies at your home, so you break up your week with a little company.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: He has Wednesdays and Thursdays off so that's when we make appointments. Sometimes we will go in the morning and he will work late.
I will say that I used to drive, never on the freeways, then I had an accident, not my fault, when I was 18. Scared the poop out of me.
I got used to taking the bus, naps make that hard. Some days I just want to go to the grocery store to see adults.
We talked when DH got home and decided I'm going to start practicing and get comfortable driving. I really hope it goes well!
@FannyMae: lessons seem like a good idea! How did you find your instructor?
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@msplatypus: my instructor is the uncle of a girlfriend, who also got her license quite late. honestly, I was so resistant to doing it for such a long time (fear, anxiety, hating the feeling of being pushed to do something), but it is amazing how much confidence can grow if you believe that you can do it. I was nervous learning to drive in a stranger's (brand new) car, but the right instructor will give you the boost you need. Plus they can take you on the routes that are used during the test so its a bonus!
I really suggest that you get straight onto the road - for years I would do "practice" driving in car parks/rural areas to try and learn, but just get straight onto the road in a place that is familiar to you. Drive routes that will be regular places you can go on your own - the grocery store, a parent or friend's house - you already know your way there.
Now I'm happy to drive anywhere, I take the freeways regularly and can park with ease.... not reverse parallel park, but we'll get there hahah
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@msplatypus: this was me when I was a SAHM! DH and I have had to share a car since 2011 when he crashed my car. I lived within walking distance of panera and wal-mart - so I would occasionally go there. I mostly just tried and get out to walk around the block whenever I could! But I had the same feelings of cabin-fever. I didn't know many of SAHMs, but I would invite my sister and her son over for a playdate or other friends so at least I had something to do.
But it was partly this that ended up leading to me being dissatisfied at home, and getting a job and then going back to school! -
I'm currently a sahm and my husband and I share a car. I live on a busy street with no sidewalk and no public transportation. We have a park within walking distance though so we go there every day it's nice outside. My husband is able to work from home every Friday though, so it's my chance to get out and stay sane. I cannot wait to have my car back so we can go out to story time at the library and more parks/pools this summer.
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I would definitely work on this! Maybe see a therapist for the anxiety? Because some day, your LO will need a same day appt or need to come home from school early or something, and it would be really frustrating to not be able to. And when your LO is older, you'll want to go to the pool and park and library and lots of fun places!!! I know one adult who doesn't drive, so her mom takes her places....but that isn't a lifelong solution. Driving lessons sounds like a great idea! My brother died in a car accident and I still have moments of hyper anxiety while driving, but it is what it is, because I have to get to work and do stuff
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I WAH/SAH and we don't have a car (we also live in Europe, and there is NO WAY that I am driving here). But we also live in a city, so there is no need for one since we have a great public transit system. Therapy and driving lessons would probably be a good idea for you!
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We don't have a car here but we live downtown with transit and a ton of stuff to do. When I have had to take DD to ER, we have called taxis.
When we move away from the city, we will defo get a car though. -
I know it's not at all the same but I can't drive for like 2 weeks because I can't see and need new glasses anms I'm going crazy. I really feel for you and hope you find a solution soon!
My DH had a fear of driving due to a major accident and once he took lessons and practiced in a crazy area, he became much more confident and is now totally fine driving. He used to take public transit when we were dating and to come to my apartment would sometimes take 2+ hours when we lived maybe 8 miles apart. One of my friends also was fearful of driving and read some book that helped her, so there is that and maybe some counseling too to help work through the fear. Good luck!
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I don't drive and I worry about when we have kids (Hopefully TTC within the next few months) that this is going to be a bad thing. I think I could make it to appointments fine on my own (The doctor's isn't too far) but I worry far down the line about when the kids are older and one's in hockey, the other's in dance, and we have to be in two places at once.
It's such a weird thing because I "want" to learn this summer, but I really really really don't want to. I was also in an accident a few years ago that scared me. I have never had my license, the accident happened when I was learning. So I have absolutely no confidence in my ability to ever learn.
It makes me feel better there are other moms out there who are doing it though. But I still hope to be able to force myself to learn this summer.
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When I lived abroad, I had a drivers license, but we only had one car my husband took it to work and I took public tansportation. I was actually too nervous to drive there, because the roads are narrow and wind a lot and people drive very aggressively.
do you have buses/trains nearby?
we lived mostly in the suburbs.
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