SAHMs with a DH in grad school?

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SAHMs with a DH in grad school?

By Weagle May 14, 2014

DH is slated to start grad school this fall. Luckily, he'll be able to go full-time and finish more quickly (work is paying - woot!) My only concern is that he's starting two weeks before #2 is born. Has anyone's DH had a hard time focusing when baby came along? What specific things did you do to help him? His program is in a somewhat similar, but actually unrelated field than what he does now and undergrad.

*I know we have a much easier situation than a lot of people doing the same thing, so I'm not terribly concerned about me surviving the transition.

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7 comments

cmomma17
honeydew / 7811 posts

May 14, 2014

*bump for you
gingerbebe
cantaloupe / 6131 posts

May 14, 2014

@Weagle: Definitely interested in this thread! DH isn't in grad school, but he's a professor at a college so we're sort of on the same "schedule" as you guys in terms of school year. Baby was originally supposed to be due 2 weeks after the school year, but now he is going to be C-sectioned 1-2 weeks before the school year starts. Either way, I'm really nervous about how its going to affect DH. God forbid our baby needs to go into NICU or something!

DH can't miss teaching classes and has a 90 minute commute each way and he needs time to prepare his lectures (on top of running his own law practice), so we're trying to strategize how to make things easier on him while dealing with my C-section recovery.

Right now we're probably going to have my mom come stay with us with for a week or two after the baby is born and DH's law partners are really pushing him to hire a mommy's helper/post-natal nurse to come in 1-2 times a week after my mom leaves to help around the house, drive me to appointments, etc. at least until my incision heals. (Because my mom lives out of town).

We've got a queen bed set up in DH's office and we plan on keeping the baby in the master bedroom so DH can work/sleep in the other room if necessary. We already own them, but Bose noise cancellation headphones might work really well for your DH when he's studying. Back when we were studying for the Bar Exam, DH got realllly comfy at our local Panera (free wifi, coffee refills, etc). All he needed were his headphones and a booth and he was happy for hours.

Just from hearing how my law school friends who gave birth while in school handled this situation, I think its important to inform your DH's professors of what's going on so they will be understanding if he has to miss a class or if he's looking haggard or something. Babies (and you) will get sick and he will have to miss class now and then.

Good luck and I hope we get some good responses!
gingerbebe
cantaloupe / 6131 posts

May 14, 2014

@Weagle: OH! One thing I just remembered! There was this guy I went to law school with who dealt with this situation to an extreme extent. He went to law school full time with a SAH wife and six kids. I think 2 of them were born while he was in school. And he was a top notch student.

The way he did it was that he basically lived at the law school like it was his job (because it was!). He never left the school until all his school work was done. And he brought all the food he we would need for the week and stashed them in his locker and the student lounge fridges/freezers. Between classes, he would use the phone in the student lounge to call his wife or his kids coming home from school and see how their day was going. And then when he was home, he was home.
Weagle
coconut / 8498 posts

May 14, 2014

@gingerbebe: Definitely have your mom come if she's the helpful sort! I cried when my mom left after #1, and I wish she could have stayed twice as long. I had a rough recovery, and she just knew what to do to make things better, before I could even think to ask.

Our plan right now is to have his work space set up in the guest room (upstairs). He'll spend the mornings and early afternoon at home studying/family time, and then leave shortly after lunch to head to campus. All of his classes will be at night, so he'll spend a few hours on campus studying beforehand. LO will be in preschool 2 days a week, so that will be a regular quiet time for him. Plus, we usually have other playdates and errands scheduled the other mornings. I think we can work it out so that he'll have plenty of quiet time at home for schoolwork, but it will be nice to know that I can leave one or both of the girls with him if I need to run a quick solo errand.

I know we have it much easier than a lot of people that do this! Especially since we're not moving in order for him to go to school - we already have a pretty great support system. We have some friends that moved to Boston for Harvard Law the week that their second child was born. #3 came along in his third year. They did it excellently, but I know it was hard to build a support system, go to school, and juggle 3 kids.
NurseMommy
pear / 1812 posts

May 14, 2014

Sorry, I haven't dealt with this situation, but we might be soon, and I'm eager to hear what others say. DH is hoping to go to grad school in the fall, right when we want to start TTC#2. Good luck!!
Weagle
coconut / 8498 posts

May 14, 2014

@NurseMommy: The period of deciding whether or not to go and then waiting for the acceptance was WAY more stressful than knowing it's actually going to happen! Good luck in whatever you decide! I imagine that it probably would be easier to have a new baby when you're already well-established in the grad school life than two weeks into it. For me anyway. Thankfully, DH will be able to finish his program in less than two years - one if scheduling works out well - so we won't have to do it for too long.
bookwormmama
persimmon / 1198 posts

May 14, 2014

My DH is in a Ph. D program. His situation is a little different because he works in a lab and doesn't have a lot of take home school work, but it still can be tough to juggle with family life. He was supposed to do some writing during his paternity leave, but it was too difficult to get things done at that point. The biggest thing is accepting that he needs to take time away from us on weekends and evenings (he works 10 hour days most days and goes in on the weekends). It definitely sucks some times but I've learned that it's easier on him if I don't complain...he doesn't want to leave us to go in, but he has to if he wants to graduate next year. So I guess just supporting his need to work on school stuff with a smile is my advice...but I know that's difficult to do. I would also be prepared to take on the majority of work with the kids while he's doing school stuff. There are nights my DH holds DS for 15 minutes and that's about it. It can be really draining even when you are prepared.

Sorry if this is jumbled...I'm on my phone while nursing. I can try to answer other questions, but we might be in different situations. My DH's grad school work is his job (literally...he gets paid to be there). But treating it like a job might be the best way to go about it!

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SAHMs with a DH in grad school?

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