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We try to say "that's not for touching" or "that's not for babies" instead of no all the time (although there's plenty of no as well! He's started imitating the way I say no, lol).

Meh. We say no to M when it's necessary "no, we don't hit the dog"... "no, we don't throw our food on the floor". No one is ever going to get through their whole life without ever being told no, so I don't really see the big issue with it.

@MamaMoose: Agree.

We are "free range" parents and like to let her be independent and explore, but when she is doing something bad we tell her no. "No, we dont color on the wall", "No, we don't hit". I try to follow up with what she's doing that she shouldn't be when we say it though. So it's not just a straight "no" all the time.

We say no, but then explain, like @MamaMoose: says. We'll say, "D, no, it's not nice to throw your cup." Sometimes "no" is just necessary.

@MamaMoose: agree. I don't think "no" is a bad word. If she's doing something worthy of me telling her "no" in the first place, it's probably appropriate to use and I don't want to coddle her by saying "mommy doesn't like it when you hit her" or "please dont throw things at mommy". I think never hearing no would be doing her a disservice.

Maybe I'm doing this wrong, but we say no and it has been working well at the moment... I want J to clearly know what's a "no no", by setting limits and being consistent. He's picked up on it well too - he will look at things I have consistently told him not to touch (plugs, cords, the AV receiver, the TV) and say "no no" (and usually walk away). When he does walk away and not touch those things, we praise him.

Why don't you want to say no? We say it all the time. She knows what "no" means and even if it means a tantrum is coming after saying it, it helps all of us.

I don't really get why we're not supposed to say no? I had a friend whose daughter was 2.5 and was going to grab a breakable ornament off the Christmas tree. I was out of range and said "no, x!" She immediately started BAWLING. I was freaked out. Lol. Her mom mentioned that they never use "that word". I personally feel that it's necessary sometimes.

@Looch: explained while I was typing.

it's hard not to say it. i try to say "dangerous" or "careful" or "dirty" in a "don't do that" kind of tone. these days i usually have to couple it with physically removing him from whatever he's trying to get into and distracting him because whereas before my warnings would make him hesitate, he is beyond that now.

Well I didn't say no, and would say "E stop touching" or "please stop that." Well her first phrase was "stop it." which in my mind is no better than her now saying "no no" all the time.

@mrsjyw: my husband is very big on this! I'm a little more "there are things you need to say no to" about it.
For the most part we try to redirect, tell him to "stop", say "please don't" or "please stop". It's worked pretty well! He doesn't say 'no' to us, but will shake his head no sometimes when he's being whine-y but it's not often.

Anytime there's danger (stairs, stove, etc.) I have told him, "no, absolutely do not" and get down on his level. He knows that "no" means serious business.

@luckypenny: I definitely wouldn't consider positive parenting as coddling. But obviously it's a matter of opinion.

@mediagirl: @NurseMommy: @MamaMoose: What I've taken away isn't that you're avoiding 'no'; you're lessening it. I think this is a good, unbiased summary of the thought process behind it: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/say-no-without-saying-no

It is just common sense to me that my 14 month old is less likely to touch the dog's food when I tell him " that is for the dog, not for you -- why don't you play with this instead" instead of "no, don't touch the dog's food". I don't treat "no" as a dirty word - I just use it sparingly, and it typically gets his attention much more quickly when I use it.

It definitely took us aback how often we were saying no, once we decided to pursue a different route. He doesn't get whatever he wants - and I don't see it as an introduction into long debates/negotiations once he is older. It's really nice now that he is a little older and we can say "we can go downstairs and play after we change your diaper" and he will go to his changing pad and wait whereas before we'd say "no, we can't go downstairs right now, you're wet" and he would cry through the diaper change. At least for him, it's almost like "No" shuts down hearing the rest of what we're explaining.

I try to phrase it in a way that teaches her the right way to do things...but I don't have that much time every day lol so I do end up saying no more than I'd like.

I don't have a LO, but I thought I'd share this story. My parents never said no to me when I was a little one - and then five years later, they tried the same technique on my little brother. Except then, I was around, and I told him no ALL THE TIME. My mom said I was so bossy and was always yelling "NO, J!" and it was super frustrating for her. Oops!!

I'll give another example, of what PP means to me, from this morning. LO wanted some of the cake at a party; I didn't want him to have it because it had red dye in it. Instead of saying "no, you can't have the cake" I said "the cake isn't an option, would you rather have a clementine or cheese?". In our experience, the "no you can't have the cake" triggers tears whereas the latter is greeted with a calm toddler who picks a different snack.

I certainly dont' think he will be an angel baby who does this all the time, but at least at this point (14 months) I think I see demonstrable instances in which phrasing things this way avoids tantrums, for my son

We wag our finger and say 'uh-uh' or nah-ah! She knows she not supposed to do things and sometimes mocks us and starts wagging her finger when she sees us noticing.