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OMG!!! I would want to tell the daycare teacher what I saw...But in reality, I know that I wouldn't.

I'm all for sharing (ie. No grabbing and yelling, "Mine!" and things like that)...But when it comes to "big toys" like swings, or riding toys then yeah, for sure! Wait your turn, you jerk!

Poor N!

I don't believe in "sharing" at least not what we have been teaching kids sharing is. Sharing would be taking half your sandwich and offering it to someone else. You still have some. Otherwise it is taking turns.

When I teach toddler classes (like gymnastics) we practice "sharing" which is ultimately just not getting attached to a specific item. I have them give their ball to another student and the other student gives them the ball they have.

Sorry for your LO to have to give up her spot. That care giver should have not given in. We made a pact for our generation that it's First Come First Serve and wait your turn! Growing up the older cousins or siblings almost always had to hand over the toy to the younger, crying brattier one. So it really taught the younger ones that being a brat or demanding the toy is all you have to do. It really was unfair for the older child to always have to share or give in while the younger ones did not.

@Freckles: What age was the child?

I should clarify- by 5 you can introduce it but expecting children to just hand things over is not ok and many children won't truly "get" it..so adjust expectations accordingly. Taking away and pushing is not ok.

I agree w/ @shopaholic: that this is more like bullying. I think for smaller toys where you can play together (thinking blocks, legos), kids can share and play cooperatively, but with bigger toys/swings/slides, it should be about patience and taking turns.

@deerylou: I love this perspective! Yes, sharing should involve some degree of compassion. I don't ever force my son to share but I will suggest it and try to have him picture the receiver's feelings. I don't know if this right but if he doesn't want to share, I just leave it at that. =\ I'll encourage it but not force it. I've seen some moms force their kids (literally take the toy away from their hands and hand it over to my son). I don't want my son to be a spoiled brat and expect everything to be shared with him!

Yeah, my daughter is not required to share in that way. If she's playing with a toy, she gets to play with it. She has the power to say that no, she would not like to share it. Now, if she's monopolizing the only one of something, I'll eventually encourage her to move on and play with something else. But she is absolutely not required to 'share' if sharing means to give whatever she's playing with to someone else, even if she doesn't want to. That just is not how the real world works, and I'm firmly opposed to requiring children to do it.

@scg00387: YES. I hate that! I'm a huge fan of letting my daughter work it out to a large extent. I hate it when parents come in and mandate solutions - it's such a missed opportunity for them to learn to solve problems politely.

@scg00387: That's hard. I don't usually say anything, honestly, because other parents don't understand. But I try to cultivate regular playmates with parents who share my approximate views.

@sarac: I see where you are coming from, but I think there's some good in children learning how to play with something *together.* At my daughter's age (19 months), she's too young to really understand the concept of playing alongside someone, but when she gets a little older, I hope to teach her that while she doesn't have to *give up* a toy, she can allow another child to play cooperatively with her, both with the same toy together. While the "real world" may not exactly mirror that situation, I think sharing in this sense (not giving up something, but rather, using it together) can teach children how to work in groups, communicate, etc.

@scg00387: I say the same! Sometimes, if a parent comes in to intervene, I'll "ask" them for permission to let it happen. Like "Oh, I'm trying to teach my son to cooperate and share. Do you mind if we let this play out a little bit? He really needs to learn." I've never had a parent say no to that. I guess it's because I'm asking for a favor and most parents are supportive of it!

@pinkcupcake: Yes, that happens all the time! My son will want a toy and the mom will pry it from their LO's hands and give it to my son. Meanwhile, that kid is crying and his mom is lecturing him that he needs to learn to share. Makes me feel horrible for the child! And my son just learned that if he asks for something, he can get it no matter what.

I also feel like a horrible mom when my son doesn't automatically share his stuff because I don't force it. It's kind of awkward though. I don't know what to tell the other kid in that situation. Usually I'll say something like "Oh, you know what? X doesn't want to share right now but maybe he will want to later. Maybe we can try again?" Ahhhhh. I feel like such a b*** mom though! Not sure what else to say!

@pinkcupcake: Your DD is only 19 months so I can understand why you'd want to get involved (for her safety!). My son is 3 so he can handle these situations on his own. He's as big boy! He's just starting to understand the concept "taking turns", which I think is a lot easier to grasp than "sharing". When it comes to toys or rides, I don't force him to share but I will encourage him to "take turns". The biggest issue is when it comes to food because you can't really take turns with food! haha. I'm a lot more pushy when it comes to sharing food though. To me, food should always be shared (or at least offered).

@Freckles: Yeah, it's hard when another kid wants to play with your LO's toy and your LO doesn't want to share! Especially when the mom is right there. Some moms are pretty cool and will talk to their LO about having to wait until later or trying to distract them. But some moms just stand there waiting for my LO to hand over the toy and I feel so awkward and bad!

@Freckles: I say exactly that. When another child comes along clearly expecting to 'share' (meaning they just want the toy), and my daughter has said no, I just tell them to back off. Politely, at first, and then firmly, if they need it.

I am always shocked at the rude children who think that just asking politely means that they get whatever they want. I recently had this girl hassle my daughter to give up the toy dump truck she was playing with in a sandbox. All of the trucks like it were in use, but plenty of other toys were around. She came over and rudely said 'can I have a turn now???', and then when my daughter just ignored her, she looked at me incredulously and said 'I ASKED her for a turn!'. So she keeps bugging her, while my daughter kept saying, 'No, no no, that's not yours!'. I eventually just told her to back off, and that there were plenty of other toys for everyone to play with. She then went and hassled another kid who was made to give it up. No, no no.