I am curious about how others handle this type of situation, so I will try to keep this short.

Background: I am the oldest cousin of about 20 first cousins on my dad's side. We grew up seeing these kids 1-2x a year as everyone was scattered all over the country. I see a few aunts and cousins occasionally on this side but not in the past 3 years or so.

Current situation: one of my cousins is getting married next year on the east coast and I was just invited to a shower for her in NY. We live in the southwest. I emailed to RSVP no and my aunt was very sweet about saying she just wanted us to feel included. But when I talked with my mom yesterday (who is also not local) she said she was invited, was planning to send a gift, and seemed concerned that I was not going to. I will send a wedding present, but I don't feel obligated to send a shower gift in this circumstance. Would you?

And, how do you generally handle this is you have a big extended family?