My DH has been struggling lately with feeling unappreciated. I don't feel like I'm doing anything differently other than wrangling two little ones so I have less time to devote to him, so I need some ideas.
How do you show your SO you appreciate them?
nectarine / 2028 posts
@josina: Last night my husband had to work late and I made dinner and my son and I brought it to him and visited him at work. No, I don’t do it often, but he really seemed to appreciate it. I think any unexpected act of thoughtfulness goes a long way!
pear / 1717 posts
@josina: A few weekends ago this was us so I got a sitter (which I hadn't done in over a year, terrible I know) and we went on a fun filled date of things he likes to do. I also give him the time to do whatever he wants, whether that's watching a show, going to the movies, hanging out with friends, whatever he wants. DH is also a huge reader so I also email him amazon gift cards every so often with sweet little notes.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
Do you know your husband's love language?
My husband's main love language is Physical Touch, so I try to show appreciation by hugging him instead of just saying "Thank you" and/or giving him kisses.
My main love language is Words of Affirmation, so Hubs tries to really acknowledge everything I do - he thanks me when I go grocery shopping or when I'm wrangling the kids and they are being extra difficult and he tries to acknowledge what a great job I'm doing verbally. That kind of stuff really means a lot to me and makes me feel appreciated!
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
Agree with @Adira: My DH's primary love language is psychical touch also, so lots of hugging, kissing and bedroom action and he is golden. Mine is acts of service so I feel loved when he helps me around the house w/o me having to ask!
pomegranate / 3973 posts
@ChiCalGoBee: DH would love that, and I did it a few times when I was on maternity... of course he asked me too, so if I get the chance (am off work) I will definitely have to make an effort to do it on my own.
@bubblegum: Amazon gift cards with sweet notes is so sweet. I could do something similar with Subway gift cards for lunch maybe but it seems silly since it's 'our' money anyways? I overthink things.
@Adira: All of the above? 
I think he definitely needs physical touch / kisses when I get home, before bed, etc., but lately really needs words too. I need to get in the habit of saying 'thank you' when he helps out more for sure. He does do a lot for us but just in different ways (outside work vs. my house chores) so it's hard to remember to thank him for it.
@snowjewelz: I would love that too, and he occasionally does help, and then I get the crappy attitude of 'you should do that all the time' vs. thanks for helping!
pear / 1717 posts
@josina: For sure! It seems silly but it normally something DH wouldn't do so it's a nice little treat.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@josina: I've been with my husband for 14 years and it's only since we started counseling and learned our love languages that he FINALLY started to be verbally appreciative. And it definitely doesn't come naturally to him and he struggles with it, but I know he tries and the more and more he does it, the easier it is for him to remember to thank me or say something nice. Now he's practicing how to do a compliment sandwich when he has something negative or critical to say, haha.
honeydew / 7622 posts
I just try and pause and have moments in the chaos. I hug him and tell him I love and appreciate him often. When he travels I drop notes in his luggage. I menu plan around what he wants to eat and try to cook his favorites a lot. We had a big talk about this recently.
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
@josina: Def doesn't matter if it's "our money". Cause then no gifts technically matter then haha! It's the thought that counts. Maybe do some sticky notes in the bathroom mirror, steering wheel, etc too. Now that we're on a roll, maybe I should do it too!
grapefruit / 4545 posts
DH has been having a rough few weeks...winter blues...tough time with a client losing a case...stressful toddlers.
I called and made him a massage appointment, and left a gift card to cover it. 
pomegranate / 3973 posts
@bubblegum: I'm going to do it, thanks for the idea!
@Adira: Yes, that's me, I will need to make an effort to lay on the compliments, I think he's been low lately for whatever reason and needs the positive affirmations.
@youboots: Glad to read how others have been in similar situations lately.
@Mrs D: Winter blues for sure!
@snowjewelz: Yes very true. I appreciate when he buys me flowers with 'our' money, so I need to do the same for him. On top of the Subway GC, I'm thinking a 'beer-quet' of flowers. (6 pk of beer with cupcake liners cut to make the bottles look like flowers) 
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
@josina: Haha I love that! I need to see a picture of the finished product!
nectarine / 2964 posts
Two words: Sexy lingerie. And of course with you in it
I am really not joking, I think sometimes guys are just down to that...
pomegranate / 3973 posts
@irene: Oh yeah, he would love that too. Only problem is getting the dang kids to sleep at night - in their own beds!
coffee bean / 46 posts
Hahah I have to agree with @Irene 1000%! My husband's language is also physical touch, and even the quickest bedroom action will put him in a good mood for days (this has been confirmed by his staff LOL). My language is acts of service, so I tend to make his favorite meals, take the kids to see him when he's working on the weekends, randomly buy things he needs but doesn't want to spend on... but I can definitely tell that he doesn't feel as appreciated as when I randomly give him a back massage or cut his toenails for him or something with physical touch.
pear / 1580 posts
This is such an important topic for DH and I, and it's so different for everyone. For me, I feel appreciated when he notices things that I do, as mundane as they are, and verbally appreciates it, saying "Thank you for ___." Because he doesn't always notice, we worked something out where I give a little nose wiggle and he acknowledges what I'm doing. Such a small thing, but it makes a world of difference to me.
For him, he feels appreciated when I verbally notice sacrifices he makes for us, but also when I do things for him like pack an extra meal when I know he'll have to eat dinner at work or take care of a to-do item on his list.
Have you heard of Love Languages? It really helps to figure out how people show and receive love/appreciation differently: words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, gifts and quality time. ETA: I see I'm not the first to bring up love languages! So important! 
pomegranate / 3973 posts
@ineebee: I need to research love language more.. so far to me it seems like all of the above for him!
@snowjewelz: lol - we have a 14 yr old so we have to be extra cautious!
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
@josina: ohhhhhh crap lol. oh man. you should tell her to put on headphones and not come out every night between certain hours 
pomegranate / 3973 posts
@snowjewelz: lol. TMI but we risked it New Years Eve after both kids were up crying when we got home. Living room floor behind the couch at least just in case she went to the bathroom.
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
@josina: Hahahah! You know tho, I know all teenagers will say it's gross and they never want to know their parents "do that", but I think it's actually pretty healthy that they know their parents love each other and are affectionate!
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