Do you think that sibling closeness is just something that happens naturally, or is it something that parents tend to nurture and encourage? And if you say both, please explain!
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I'm going for nature.
Only because.... my inlaws are really family orientated people and they have tried so hard to foster a relationship between DH and his brother but they are just not close. They actually have similar interests and there is not reason they shouldn't be close.... but they just never have been.
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Prob both. I've seen parents create a competitive environment or favoritism that breeds resentment. I think some families are better than others at enabling conflict resolution and encouraging support.
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I think it almost completely nurture - but it isn't up to just the parents. I think the parents have to set a good foundation, but it ultimately up to the siblings to stay close. I guess maybe it is one's individual nature to stay connected to people or let relationships go (with friends and family), but not something different between siblings specifically.
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My brother and I are 20 months apart and from my experience it was a lot of nurture! Our parents really encouraged family time, etc. We also had parents who worked a ton of hours and so we kept ourselves busy/company. We didn't share the same interests growing up and our personalities didn't really become alike until adulthood, but we were always close. Our parents' encouragement through quality time and our faith is the foundation to our close relationship.
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My brother and I didn't become close until we were in high school. I think it was just a good mesh of personalities that led to our closeness. We had mutual respect and affection for each other. So I think it's an effect of the individual siblings' personalities. And personalities, in turn, I believe are the result of nature and nurture: We have tendencies to be a certain way (nature), but it's our environment that can stifle or bring out those aspects of our personalities (nurture).
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I think people want to desperately believe it can be nurtured, but I am of the mind that this is a recent thing.
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Our relationship was not nurtured much. Our personalities/values are much different but since she had my nephews and now my daughter is here I think it has brought us closer.
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nurture. Personality is predetermined to an extent, I agree. But parents can foster an environment of competition or acceptance and that makes a world of a differnce.
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I'm going to say both, although I lean more towards nature.
I say nurture because our parents tried to instil a strong sense of family importance. However, they didn't encourage my brother and I to play or get along. We were 13 years apart and the difference in age makes any common interests really difficult. Yet, my brother and I ended up being best friends when I started getting into my teen years. We are into the same things, we have the same views on politics and the same beliefs. Which are, hilariously, not at all what either of our parents believe!
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I would say both. My kids have very different interests and frequently disagree on what to play. Also, birth order has given them different "roles", where my DD likes to "boss" my DS around and he doesn't always take to it very well. But I have noticed that things we do will either help or hurt their interactions. They are both super conscious about whether things are equitable, and that impacts their behavior.
To add from my own experience, my brother and I had a very similar dynamic growing up, and we are very close now. -
@looch: Agreed.
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I think both... Nurture from a younger age, nature in adulthood.
DH"s parents fostered an environment of resentment / favoritism, etc., which caused rifts between him and his sister for years. But, now that they have backed off, DH and his sister still aren't THAT close b/c they have nothing in common. But they at least have a more loving relationship when they see each other.
My parents fostered a good relationship between my brother and me. We were close when we were younger, but we also don't have much in common as adults and don't talk much now as a result. Still love each other though - we just don't hang out.
I think in adulthood it is way more nature.
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I think parenting plays a HUGE role. If you treat your children differently, play favorites, discipline differently, etc.
@aegie: yeah, exactly this.
In the family I came from, very negative attitudes and competition where harbored to feed my parent's egos. Very sad.
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