My SO just told me he doesn't really care to have anymore kids. I cried and felt like my heart crumbled to pieces because I do want more. Have you ever had this happen? How did you react?
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I'm sorry. How old is your LO? DH was one and done till DS turned 1. Now he's coming around. I hope you guys can really talk about it and find a place of agreement.
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We have a 2 year old and a 10 month old. He said two is plenty. /:
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@ladybee: my comment was to you. Lol
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Did he say why he doesn't want more? Perhaps give it a little more time before any final decisions are made?
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@littleblessings: we agreed to table it until a specified time (lo's second birthday). It gives us both a chance to reflect and think without any pressure.
Maybe you can offer to table it until your younger LO is a little older?
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@littleblessings: I'm sorry. I have no advice. I'm pretty sure that my husband will be saying the same after two.
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OMG, we had this same conversation today. I got to the bottom of it though, because just two months ago he promised we could start trying in the spring!
Turns out he's worried about the nearest hospital being a four hour drive away, the resulting hotel bills due to the local clinic insisting you go to town to be near the hospital two weeks before, raising a child in this community (we're here for work, and have no connections beyond co-workers), and he's basically scared.
I told him I'm scared too, but I can't imagine our 2.5 years daughter being an only child, and that all that other stuff will figure itself out when it needs to be figured out, it always does. Two coworkers had babies last year, and one is expecting now, and they're all fine.
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my husband and I originally talked about having two kids then discussing a third later. well after our son was born he was trying to get me to be one and done but I was insistent and luckily we can go to a compromise and I am now pregnant with my second. However my dream of three kids is pretty much a pipe dream. I would try to have a discussion about it and see how flexible he is. I'm sorry I know it's very disappointing. Have you ever discussed in the past how many you wanted?
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I think for us with two we go back and forth all the time about having more. we both go through phases where one of us is 100% happy with just two and then a phase where one of us could envision us with six kids. It just takes time to figure out what we both really want and come to a compromise.
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@MrsMccarthy: we never discussed a number. It was whatever happens will happen. What's meant to be will be. So I'm not sure why all of a sudden he is saying no. We have til 2017 to figure it out but idk him saying that broke my heart.
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@Pumpkin Pie: @Applesandbananas: I told him we have 3 years to figure it out because that's when my birthcontrol will be removed. When I got it put in he was psyched about trying as soon as it come out as the likelihood of twins is higher.
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@Mrs. D: it sucks. I mean I don't really wanna have another for three years but still. He brought it up outta the blue. I just want the option of having another if I'd like to.
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@T.H.O.U.: well it would be nice if he could make up his mind. Out of the blue he will be like "let's have another" then two days later it's "I don't want any" then after that he says "let's try for twins". I'm so confused
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@littleblessings: my DH is similar, he kinda just thinks out loud. I told him I was too much of a planner for him to declare he wanted three one day and one and done the next, so we don't talk about it
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I'd look at the long game rather than the day to day. There were days when our first was young that my husband was adamant about being one and done. I wouldn't react to a one off comment. Just keep the conversation open, but don't push it..
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@littleblessings: When we had our girl almost three years ago he went through days where he wanted more and when he was done. We originally wanted three and decided to compromise on two, so we've had a lot of discussions about this. That was why I was so upset late last night when he said he didn't want anymore, because two months ago he decided that yes he did and promised me he was done changing his mind.
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@littleblessings: it sounds like he was just saying what he felt at that moment without any real thought about what he wanted. Maybe what he says reflects the kind of day he had? I wouldn't get upset just yet. Let go of it until a later time.
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@littleblessings: Sorry you're going through this. My husband told me a year and a half ago he wasn't sure he wanted any kids (after knowing for 10 years I wanted two). Needless to say, I was devastated at first. We kept having conversations and went through a lot of growing pains, but he finally came around. My first was just born two weeks ago and he is over-the-moon in love with him. Of course we're exhausted, but he loves him so much:-). However, he was an only child and I think he might try and tell me he wants 'one and done,' despite me always saying I wanted two. In this season we're in when we're up caring for a newborn 24/7, this certainly isn't the time for me to talk about #2! I will definitely wait until LO is a lot easier and we're in a good rhythm before I bring it up. I would say for you to keep the conversation open, and see how things evolve and change as time passes. Hopefully if you give it some time he'll forget the newborn stage and begin to long for a baby when your older two are well past that! Good luck.
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If you have 3 years to decide, honestly, I would let it go, especially if he is changing his mind that much. Clearly he isn't sure what he wants, and certainly isn't absolutely sure he doesn't want another, which is good since you have years to decide.
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Aaw, I'm sorry your husband's words hurt you.
I sympathise with his going back and forth about wanting more children and not. Some days I'm psyched to try for baby #2 in a few months and secretly hope for twins (because DH negotiated my desired 3 children down to 2)...... and then other days (when I'm run ragged, usually) the idea of adding another child to the mix just seems ludicrous.
If you guys are anything like us, he will change his mind back soon and then it will be you who wants to wait!!
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As others have said, there's no point in ruminating on this if it's not even an issue for another three years. It's perfectly normal to go through cycles of wanting one thing, and then changing your mind and wanting the complete opposite. Unless he was talking about permanent measures to ensure there are no more children, I'd let it roll off your back and not get worked up about it.
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@Ree723: he's talking about getting himself fixed....
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@littleblessings: Ok, I'm going to go out on a limb here and make some big assumptions based on your previous posts. First of all, I recall you saying recently that birth control doesn't work for you and you have gotten pregnant a number of times whilst on BC. Maybe him getting a vasectomy, which is reversible, is what he needs to do for peace of mind right now if you guys are not in the right place to bring another child into the world.
Secondly, am I correct in recalling that you and your SO have been trying to figure things out so that you can live together, but as of yet, have not been able to make it happen? Do you think he is possibly a bit freaked out about the idea of bringing more children into your lives when more pressing issues have yet to be resolved? Perhaps instead of talking about more babies, you two could agree to shelve the discussion for now, with the agreement that you'll both keep an open mind (him to having more kids, you to being done), and in the meantime start formulating a concrete plan for you guys to live together as a family? Maybe when that piece is sorted, he'll be more amenable to discussing more children.
I apologise if this comes across as harsh, I'm just trying to point out that it may be difficult for him to think about more kids when right now you guys aren't even able to live together as a family unit. Just something to think about.....
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My DH is similar, changes his mind often - probably based on how LO is behaving on any given day.
Before we were TTC for #2, he said many times he was content with one, then that he'd like another but not for years. I was not happy with either of these but honestly, I didn't say anything because I didn't want to feel like I was convincing him to want a baby - I wanted him to just want one. He did change his mind, and we're now expecting. I'm not saying this is definitely how it'll be for you, but it is possible! I'd just ask him not to make any big decisions or statements about it for now.
Before we were TTC for #2, he said many times he was content with one, then that he'd like another but not for years. I was not happy with either of these but honestly, I didn't say anything because I didn't want to feel like I was convincing him to want a baby - I wanted him to just want one. He did change his mind, and we're now expecting. Reply
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