So scared to try again... « Hellobee Boards

So scared to try again...

By whatsarahsaid Sep 11, 2013

Hi ladies...I posted here a tiny bit a while back when I was in the midst of TTC. Unfortunately, I have had two back to back miscarriages since then (one last Dec and one this May) and I am SO, SO scared to start trying again this month.

My husband and I decided to take the summer off to give my body and both of our hearts a break. After some bloodwork in both July and August it appears that my Progesterone is low and my OB has put me on progesterone supplments that I need to start taking on CD16 (currently on CD4).

Not sure why I am posting...just need a place to let my feelings out and talk about how nervous I am. I don't know if I can go through another miscarriage...I still feel like I am healing from the others.

Just looking for advice, tips, encouragement from those of you who may be (or have been) in a similar situation! Thanks in advance for anything! xo

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26 comments

kjpugs
grapefruit / 4862 posts

Sep 11, 2013

Hugs, friend. Sending you so much love and support. Does it make you feel better that you have a plan of action- something "different" this time- with the progesterone? Maybe focusing on how this time is different will help you feel more able to move forward confidently. Miscarriage is heartbreaking and casts such a shadow over what should be a light and exciting time. I'm here to talk anytime and I am rooting for you!!!!
LindsayInNY
bananas / 9229 posts

Sep 11, 2013

((Hugs)) So happy to see you back here!! But not happy for how you're feeling...

I know there have been others with 1 or 1+ M/Cs, particularly due to low progesterone. The fact that your doctor knows the cause is a huge plus and will help going forth! I don't know if there's anything I can say to help you worry less though. Just know I'm thinking of you
Thenetexan
apricot / 355 posts

Sep 11, 2013

I had one in March and one in June. I know what you mean about not knowing if you can face another. I hope you don't have to, but most people are stronger than they realize. The good news is that with the prgesterone supplements, you are very likely to have a happy ending this time around. Just keep telling yourself that this time is different. Good luck!
whatsarahsaid
cherry / 235 posts

Sep 11, 2013

@kjpugs Thanks so much hun! Your words are support mean the WORLD to me! Thank you!

I DO feel a bit better knowing there is hope for a better outcome this time. But it's that little voice inside that says "What if..."! Even when I get my BFP I'll still be so scared and nervous during what should be such an exciting and happy time. It's all just a lot to process right now and the closer I get to TTC the more anxious I get. Not a great combo for trying to stay stress free and enjoy the process.
whatsarahsaid
cherry / 235 posts

Sep 11, 2013

@LindsayInNY I am happy to be back as well. I think I need the support and love to help me get through this. Thanks for being such a sweet friend and SO supportive! xo

@Thenetexan Thank you SO much for the encouraging words. I'm truly amazed at how I have handled both M/C...I honestly don't know how I have gotten through them. I need to stay focused and positive...and encouraging words like yours will definitely help me do that!
Mrs.Someone
pomelo / 5228 posts

Sep 11, 2013

I'm there with you... I had losses in Dec and July and this past month we semi started trying again. I thought it worked and was terrified. Then slightly relieved when it didn't. All I can think of is to focus on the change you've made since then (progesterone), and hope for a better outcome!
futuremama
clementine / 854 posts

Sep 11, 2013

I had a m/c in June 2012 and again this past Feb. we went through the standard battery of tests and the doctors couldn't find anything wrong, so we started trying again. We were completely terrified that we were just setting ourselves up for another disappointment.

Luckily, I'm now 11.5 pregnant with my third pregnancy and everything looks good. Nothing will take away that fear, but thankfully you'll have the progesterone supplements to help your little grow.

Good luck!
Vegmama
pear / 1799 posts

Sep 11, 2013

Going through a loss is so hard ... my heart is with you! I love what the other ladies said about having this plan of action this time around.

One thing that really helped me in the beginning (after our loss), was to sit aside by myself once a day and reflect on this new pregnancy ... In a way, thanking my body for taking care of this new baby. I'm now over 1/2 way, and I still have my daily reflection time. The fear/anxiety never goes away, and I think it's important to acknowledge it ... This probably sounds really hippie-ish, but I know how much the mind influences the body, and it's truly helped me.

Sending so many good vibes your way!!
lovehoneybee
GOLD / wonderful pea / 17697 posts

Sep 11, 2013

Big hugs.

Being pregnant again was hard. I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I started to look at myself in the mirror every day and say that "Today, I'm pregnant", but in all honesty I was never completely at ease with my pregnancy until after I had him in my arms.

If they don't pop in you might reach out to Running Elley, Princess Baby and lovelyplum. I know they've all dealt with multiple losses (and I think Running Elley had a problem with low progesterone).

Big hugs!
LindsayInNY
bananas / 9229 posts

Sep 11, 2013

Ditto @lovehoneybee: recommendations on who to reach out to!
wheres_c
pomelo / 5789 posts

Sep 11, 2013

Hugs.
I have never experienced a loss, but I suffered from low progesterone.
When I had my initial bloodwork after my BFP, they put my on progesterone supplements immediately. I truly believe they were crucial in keeping LO cooking in there.

It seems like you have a plan in place...but it's still going to be scary. Good luck
Kimberlybee
grapefruit / 4997 posts

Sep 11, 2013

@whatsarahsaid: I'm so sorry for your losses and heartaches! Don't give up. Modern medicine is so amazing and even more amazing is how our faith can help us along the way. One of my BFF had 2 MC also due to low progesterone levels and on her 3rd pregnancy she asked for progesterone suppositories right away! She's now a mother to 4 beautiful kids.
whatsarahsaid
cherry / 235 posts

Sep 11, 2013

@MRS.SOMEONE, @FUTUREMAMA ,@VEGMAMA, @LOVEHONEYBEE, @WHERES_C and @KIMBERLYBEE...

Thank you all SO much for your kind words of support and hope! It makes me feel so much better about coming back to the boards! Before with my last two pregnancies I was on BabyCenter alot and it just got to be too intense and overwhelming. When I had my MC's I decided to step away from all baby related forums online. But now that we're starting to TTC again I knew I needed some sort of community. Hello Bee is such a great fit for me and I get such a sense of support from the ladies here. So THANK YOU!

I know I have a lot of fear and anxiety going into this but I am going to hold on to your words and probably come back and re-read this thread often. xo
MrsMccarthy
honeydew / 7295 posts

Sep 11, 2013

HUGE HUGS! i have not been there personally but i know a lot of Bees who have been in your shoes are now holding sweet sticky babies. I pray you will be too very soon.
LovelyPlum
eggplant / 11408 posts

Sep 11, 2013

I'm so glad to see you back! Sending you a massive hug.

I had two losses in the spring as well, and I'm currently pregnant now. I was so scared to try again, and I've been a ball of nerves this entire first trimester. Having a loss changes everything...it makes everything scary, and it put me on edge. BUT, it doesn't have to ruin TTC. I've still gotten joy from this pregnancy, and I'm trying to take advantage of every day that we have been given with the LO. I've found great support from the ladies here, and I am 100% sure that you will, too.

PLEASE feel free to reach out anytime. No one should have to do this alone. We are here for you!!
LovelyPlum
eggplant / 11408 posts

Sep 11, 2013

Coming back to add that I also have low progesterone and have been on suppositories through this entire pregnancy. So far, I am 10 weeks, and though I've spotted periodically the whole time (which is TERRIFYING when you've had a loss), baby looks great!
whatsarahsaid
cherry / 235 posts

Sep 12, 2013

@MrsMccarthy Thanks for the hugs...definitely needing them these days!

@LovelyPlum Thank you so much for sharing your story! I'm sure I'll have questions throughout my journey! It's so comforting to know there are other women on here who were in the same plaze I am and now have a happy story to tell. xo

Can I ask you on what CD you started taking your progesterone? I will be starting on suppositories soon also and my OB said to start taking on CD16. I usually ovulate between CD16 and CD18 and have read that if you start progesterone BEFORE you ovulate it could delay it. Did you have any experience with that? Thanks again!
chibee
pear / 1974 posts

Sep 12, 2013

@whatsarahsaid: we just had a miscarriage and we are jumping right back in it. I'm really, really nervous, but for me, this is the only way I can heal. I didn't have two back to back like you have, but I can understand the fear still. We will back each other up once we start!
Mrs.Someone
pomelo / 5228 posts

Sep 12, 2013

@whatsarahsaid: I've been told to never take progesterone before O has been confirmed, regardless of what day you're on. Are you taking OPKs? I'm a bit concerned that a doctor would just tell you a day, instead of to make sure you've O'd...
whatsarahsaid
cherry / 235 posts

Sep 12, 2013

I am charting my temp and fertility signs as well as using OPKs...so I always have a really good sense of when my O date is.

I am thinking my OB just gave me CD16 just assuming I have a "normal" 28 day cycle since from following my history he knows my cycles are usually right around 28 or 29....mayyybbe 30 days sometimes.

Thankfully, I have access to an AMAZING OB down in the Philadelphia area. He is my sister's father in law and is an extremely accomplished OB with a specialty in the infertility field. He has been great about answering any questions I may have and assuring me my OB is following the correct course. I emailed him this morning to get his thoughts on starting the suppositories on CD16...so we'll see what he says.
whatsarahsaid
cherry / 235 posts

Sep 12, 2013

@chibee Best of luck on your journey! Hopefully we'll both have little one's soon! xo
Mrs. Polish
blogger / nectarine / 2010 posts

Sep 12, 2013

@whatsarahsaid: hugs to you friend. We talked about progesterone on Twitter the other day, but I wasn't aware what you had been through. Fingers crossed for you!
whatsarahsaid
cherry / 235 posts

Sep 12, 2013

@Mrs. Polish Thank you SO much for all of your advice and support on Twitter the other day...it meant so much! And thanks for your hugs today! xo
LovelyPlum
eggplant / 11408 posts

Sep 12, 2013

@whatsarahsaid: hmm, that I don't know. I know that progesterone can delay ovulation, but I didn't start taking mine until after I found out I was pregnant, so 12 DPO. But I know that there are a bunch of ladies on here who have...may be worth a separate thread. I know you'd get a lot of responses! My only advice is that if you are using suppositories to put it in right before bed and use a pantyliner. Otherwise, it gets messy.

Dig around a bit in the archives here...I think you'll find there's more happy endings out there after 2+ than you might think! Hoping for yours very, very soon
LovelyPlum
eggplant / 11408 posts

Sep 12, 2013

@whatsarahsaid: I'm glad you have a great doctor who you trust! I have found someone who I feel really comfortable with too, which helps a lot. It was great before I got pregnant again, but now with number 3, I'm finding it invaluable. I call that office all the time
whatsarahsaid
cherry / 235 posts

Sep 12, 2013

Thanks again for your thoughts @LovelyPlum! I took your suggestion and posted a thread since I couldn't seem to find anything related to my specific question when searching.

I've been given the pantyliner tip...SO FUN!

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