Interesting read.
http://shortwinded.net/so-you-would-like-to-have-three-children/
I want to say I don't agree with her, but I can't because I've never been there.
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I still want 3!
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She's funny. Two is my max for children. As one of four, I know how hard it was for my mom and I have no interest in going completely gray at 35.
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I was one of three....my mom warned me to stop at 2, for her 3 was really difficult to juggle for the reasons outlined in the article.
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Too much text for me to read during my break when the kids are napping. Hah. But yeah.
2 wear me out. A third isn't happening. -
I am the oldest if three and I have always maintained the stance that I do not want to be outnumbered by my children! I totally see where she is coming from and agree.
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I think she's funny too, but totally disagree with some of her perspective. This may be because we're fixing to have 3 (and may want 4 or 5) but also b/c I have friends that have 5, 6, 7, and even 1 fixing to have 8 (all of which have a mom that stays home & kids that are great in public)..... yea I think it takes an extenuating amount of work but in some areas they are things that really you would have to keep in mind with 2 just as much as 3 (ummm no 2 children are alike so you'll have to approach your second different than you first or vise versa... that doesn't suddenly change when you get a 3rd in the mix. lol).
I do DEFINITELY think about getting a babysitter as our family grows though! Thankfully we have family close & we could always split them between granparents & great grandparents (my grandparents always had all 5 of us grandchildren over for the week in the summer together
)ETA: I think the fact we have such a huge gap between 1 & 2 helps... it really feels like I'll have 2 instead of 3. lol
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I will say I have heard from many moms of big families that the adjustment from 2 to 3 is far and away the hardest adjustment. Much harder than 3 to 4 for example.
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Oh lol. That was a fun read! I am one of three and I want three. I think it makes things interesting!
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@runsyellowlites: Well, she does say in the post that she knows a lot of people with more than three and it seems easier.
"Here’s my theory: when you have three, you have not yet reached that critical mass phase, where the children act as a group. Instead, it’s just lots of separate individuals, acting randomly. Someone is always left out. I don’t think it helps that there was also never a plan for one of us to be a full-time stay at home parent and a plan to have large numbers of children. Instead, I am a working mother of one to two children–already very difficult–but I have three. I have even heard from a few friends with more than three that the jump from two to three was the hardest."
But yes, you are lucky you have family close by!
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Thanks for this read. I know we need to be finished now with two but sometimes I still get baby fever. This killed it though. Also - I LOLed at the part about swinging the car seat at one of the kids to knock him down.
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I don't really find three as hard/challenging as she makes it sound ... *shrug*
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I love this non-rebuttal, but a list of the positives of having three.
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@mrsjazz: Yea , I was glad she put that in there... Of course circumstance has a great affect on the family dynamics (regardless of size). Like I said, we have friends pregnant with #8 (they "might" be done) & I know I could NEVER survive a family that size! Lol
@sloaneandpuffy: I totally laughed at that too!
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I think managing 3 would be crazy, but I am a firm believer in money making it waaaay easier, regardless of how many you have. I wonder how different her post would be if she could afford some of the things she mentioned (personalized childcare, baby gear, etc).
If we could easily afford to house, feed and educate 3 or more I would do it (adoption probably because of my fertility issues). But we can barely pay daycare for one, so that is all we will have and I am happy with that scenario, too. -
This part made me laugh:
"I started to feel this kind of sadistic glee in saying, “Oh, no, it’s my third,” and watching their expressions change from helpful know-it-all to horrified stumped person. I refrained from saying, “What do you want to say NOW? What’s your ADVICE?” but only narrowly."
The rest of it made me shiver with fear. Three young kids sounds terrifying. One of my friends from high school just had her third, and now she has THREE kids under three years old. She just returned to the workforce when this newest baby was like a month old and she was SO EXCITED.
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Yea, I still want another
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@T.H.O.U.:
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I have heard over and over again that 3 is the hardest number, especially 3 close together in age, and I totally believe it.
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I think spacing must make a big difference, bc the only mom friend I know w/3 has a 6yo, a 4yo and a 6mo, and she said its been a pretty easy transition.
I've always wanted 3 but bc of my age (34) and IF issues I know DD2 and LO3 will have to be close in age if its going to happen. Not going to listen to this thread! *Plugging my ears and singing lalalala*
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@mrsmate: Our #2 & 3 will be close in age (just under 2 years apart)
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I love going over to my LOs bf house, who is the youngest of 3 girls The older 2 are great playing with the LOs and my daughter gets so much out of interacting with the kids and the mom and I can mainly just hang out and talk. But there is so much going on, someone's always having a bad day and lots and lots of noise so right now I'm just a mooch off of multiple kids while then going home to a bit more quiet
We still plan on having 3 or so.
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3 sounds like the hardest number to have! It would be fun to have more kids if we had family around to help? But we don't so I think we're good with our 2!
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"I refrained from saying, “What do you want to say NOW? What’s your ADVICE?” but only narrowly."
That part just totally cracked me up!
3 does sound like the hardest...I think if you can do 3, you can do more.
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DH and i are both from families of 3, so that's what we want. we know it will be crazy, but for us, 3 kids plus 2 parents equals a family! and it's to the point where you can still drive in a normal car.
my parents had it a little easier because i was 3.5 years old than my brother and 6 older than my sister, and i was a good kid and helped. my mom said if my sister was first, they might not have had 3!
DH is a twin with a 2 year old sister (also a helper!) and they said they pretty much don't remember those first two years of the twins life! they didn't find out they were having twins until 2 weeks before they were born. so the plan was 2, but they ended up with 3! ha.
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It sounds like she wasn't planning on three, at least not that close together, which I'm sure makes a huge difference in how you feel about it, too. I don't really get why three is harder than four or more. I'm not saying it's not harder, I just don't understand why it would be. I don't think 4 kids suddenly means they start acting as a group like she says, but maybe I'm wrong. I really like the "non-rebuttal" she linked to best, but I have to admit I giggled a lot at the part about her considering swinging the car seat.
Hard or not, we definitely want more than the two Baby Dudes. Maybe we're crazy, and I'll write a blog post someday about how three is whooping me.
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@runsyellowlites: hopefully you'll be in good shape since your son is several years older. Is he helpful w/your DD?
DH's aunt had 4 LOs but had them 2 at a time. The eldest 2 are in college and the youngest 2 are in middle school. She said it worked out well. MIL had 4 too but they are all 2-3yrs apart, and according to DH "it sucked".
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@mrsmate: She had two sets of twins?? That's my nightmare/dream depending on what kind of day the boys are having!
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So i was talking to DH about this and he commented that the spacing is key. We want #1 and #2 closer in age, then wait until #1 is in school for #3. And within the next 7 years, we should be making more money, which will help offset it.
@highwire, shiiiiit, i was looking forward to going back to work when E was 3 months old
I also don't get how having 4 gets easier. For me, the cost of 4 is the killer. 3? Doable. 4?...Brokeville
eta: I always wanted to jokingly tell people when they asked if E was my first, "no. 5th" just to watch the look on their face
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@Mrs. Blue: The older kids are 13mo apart, the younger ones are twins.
@blackbird: I think $ makes a huge difference when it comes to having a large family. DH's aunt w/the 4 kids, her husband is a C-level exec at a Fortune 200 company. They're loaded!
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@Ginger333: I agree...
Mine aren't super close in age so that might have something to do with it. But, I was one of 3 and having a third just seems normal.
I think she has valid points but honestly having the third hasn't been that big of a deal. -
This is very helpful for my just under the surface baby fever
I can feel the inherent truth of what she is saying and it brought me right back to when my brother was born and how chaotic it was... And I was 8 then. My little sister who came after him didn't make nearly the same ripples in the family!
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haha this was funny, thanks for sharing! even if i wanted three, this wouldn't affect my decision too much because i think she was just being funny. i'm sure she could also write a post about the wonders and fun of having three, and was just letting off some steam.
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@blackbird: I cried when DH went back to work after his 1 week paternity leave because I was jealous
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@highwire: That was my favorite part too!
I love watching their jaws hit the floor when I say nope this is my third AND I have 2 step-daughters! I had a lady tell me yesterday that I didn't look old enough to be pregnant with my first, I didn't tell her my oldest is 11
That article is scary true though. I've never experienced having 2 so close, mine will be 23 months apart, the four older kids are 3 years apart, 11, 8, 5(just turned), 1.5(2 in Oct.)
Gawd, I'm insane! -
I was just thinking about this more and since I was around 9 or 10 I would watch my 3 younger siblings regularly and it never was that big of a deal (though I wasn't taking them on outings). I could get them lunch and doing activities and break up spats and ignore them when I wanted. I guess part of me thinks if my 10 year old self can do it my 30 something year old self will be able to do it.
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I was the oldest of 4 (7,4,2,1), so I sort of agree with @Maysprout:. I've already done a good go-round of helping to raise 3 kids, I'm looking forward to it when they're actually mine. Yes, it got crazy at our house, but my mom really did basically do it by herself (with my help), so I look forward to it being much easier with my awesome DH there to support our kids.
I've also had a few people with 2 kids tell me that they'd wanted 3 but let the hectic baby years change their mind and now they regret it. So we have a pact that once we have this first one, we set our # and stick to the plan unless there are some very extenuating circumstances.
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I laughed a lot reading that article. Each little bullet point had something I could agree with. It's not like its like that all the time but it does happen. And with three sometimes you just don't have enough hands. Especially the baby sitting thing. It is hard to find someone to watch my four kids. I baby sit for other people all the time but to have them watch my kids is unheard of. I think people get a nervous tick at the thought of having so many kids around.
A friend of mine has three boys as well and I had them all for the day while she and her husband moved. Other friends found out and they cringed. "You had all seven kids all day?" Maybe I am just cut out for lots of kids around.
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@Mrs. Blue: DH made me find all the data on what the chances are for two sets of identical twins and one set of identical one set of fraternal twins before he would even consider the thought of getting pregnant again!!! It was the first thing we said at our ultra sound. "Please Lord, tell me there is only one in there."
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I'm not even going to read this because I'm already terrified of having 3 kids! OMG. The 1-2 transition was almost enough to drive me over the edge (literally), here's hoping my placenta pills keep me from running screaming over that edge this time around!
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