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$40k!! Wow. I had in my mind that overseas adoptions cost around $25k total, so that number blew my mind. Is that taking into account healthcare costs for your LO - immunizations, checkups, etc?

I had a friend adopt here in the States. I know the base cost was $15k ($10k to the mother and $5k in court costs), but I remember her saying it wound up being close to $20k in the end with home studies and other expenses.

@hotchildinthecity: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had the same thought you did. I had no idea it was that much....

The only two adoptions in my close circle are one of best work friends and DH's cousin. Both just adopted this past year through the foster care system and their fees were fairly minimal for adoption--I think they paid for their home study and had to take a few classes (actually, I believe the classes were offered through the county and free).

They both adopted children under the age of 2, but there are financial subsidies available for adopting children over 10 in a lot of area.

I didn't know that adoption through the foster care system is very low cost until they adopted. My work friend was adopting because of male factor infertility--her husband produced no sperm at all and they decided they didn't want to try a sperm donor or anything. DH's cousin never attempted to have children biologically--she's a bit of a social activist and has always said she will adopt through the foster care system and her husband agreed.

eta: I just asked my work friends (because I'm at work) and she said they were responsible for paying for the home study visits, the criminal background checks and fingerprinting, TB tests, and the required CPR class. That's all.

@hotchildinthecity: I have another coworker who adopted a brother-sister set two years ago through the foster care system here. The little girl was only 15 months, but the brother was 3 or 4, can't remember now. I know he's already in school now.

DH's cousin moved through the whole process really quickly--I was surprised! They just got married 1 year ago and started the process then, thinking it would be a while. But within a month of totally finishing all the home visits and classes, they were placed with an 8 month old girl who has no "issues". This was a teen mom situation, who had already given the baby up for adoption and the baby was in foster care since birth--but the birth mom still had a choice of birth parents and chose DH's cousin and her husband because they are south asian (two different types of south asian), and her daughter is mixed race, and the birth mom fully disclosed she chose them because they looked similar to her daughter.

And the little girl does totally have the same coloring--so that might have been a once-in-a-lifetime fluke, who knows?

I always figured it was about 20-30K but 40K, whoa :O It's really frustrating that it isn't a more affordable process because it's so win-win for everyone.

That's basically what I thought it was. I know only because I've heard stories of people who try to adopt domestically but it's so difficult and takes forever. The ones who can afford it end up going international and the numbers are just ridiculously shocking.

I wished domestic adoption were easier. It's a shame that so many children right here in our own backyards need homes. but so many go overseas for adoption because the system makes it so hard.

@travellingbee: FETs are so much cheaper than a fresh IVF cycle because there are way less monitoring appointments and medications. FETs are usually around $3500.

@Anagram: my sister had a baby and she gave her up for open adoption (sorry to threadjack). i am adopted and had a closed adoption and although i'm sure open might work in some situations... it is not for me. and if i ever adopted, i would not want an open adoption... and i see the dynamics of their situation and i think it's awful for everyone involved.

The 40K for adoption doesn’t surprise me, only because we’ve had family who recently adopted from Korea and it was at least 40k all said and done (and more than 18 months back and forth) because Korean officials kept dicking them around for additional money.

We also have friends who adopted through foster care, which took several years to finalize even though there was no father in the picture and even though the bio mother made ZERO effort to comply with the court’s orders in order to get her children back. Even though their legal costs (or the vast majority of them) were covered by the state, the emotional cost was so, so, so high. They had their boys with them for years before their adoptions were finalized, bonding with them while knowing all that time that the bio mom could regain custody. I can’t say that’s worth the on-paper cost savings.

My sisters first baby was 30k because they paid to get a placement quickly. What floored me is that they actually ranked the cost of kids. A child of Caucasian descent with no drug history was upwards of 40k. But as others said they were ready to start their family and couldn't wait any longer. Her second was 20k I think. Much cheaper. But they didn't mind a wait that time around.

My friend did foster adopt and it was significantly cheaper but for them was much more up and down. That would get asked if they could take x characteristics (3 kids, 2 kids etc) and then not get the placement. It took a lot longer but they did get a baby girl who was a safe surrender (parental rights were terminated). Great situation but a wait. Another friend did an open adoption in which they found the birth mother (random turn of events). They still had significant costs.

So money often pays for convenience. For us, we did ivf fresh for 20k which got us our boy. Two rounds of fets for 5k each which netted negatives. And this new situation for less than 5k and we have a baby. But I couldn't wait I didn't want a 5 year age gap and starting over my career again.

I hate that money has to factor into it all and that makes more decisions than anything else.

A member of my family managed an adoption agency in another state. I learned that I would adopt through foster care, because it would be at no cost.

I wrote a big long thing and the internet ate it. So, here's a summary.

DH and I would love to adopt (as I was adopted and always planned to), but the cost is insane, and frankly, not really feasible for us without great hardship.

When I was adopted (domestically, from a catholic organization in the same state as my parents), the cost was a sliding scale based on income. Something like 10% of your yearly salary. That, to me, makes more sense than an astronomical fee that only some fortunate people can obtain. My parents would have in no way been able to pay that kind of fee...so I'm pretty damn glad that wasn't the case in 1981

I have a blog post on keeping adoption expenses low. I think you can have more flexibility with domestic infant adoption than with international. Going through an attorney instead of an agency is much cheaper and the foster to adopt route is virtually free. Plus you sometimes get a stipend until the child is 18 depending on the situation.

Adoption comes in many flavors and can be very affordable.

We started the process to adopt from Colombia and had to put it on hold, but the cost would have been $12-$15K. This is lower than most people would have to pay because DH is a Colombian citizen, but cost for non-citizens was approx $25K.

My sister and her husband adopted twin infants domestically. The only costs were lawyer fees and the home study because they found a birth mom through an acquaintance and did not use an agency.