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Spouse doing a nighttime feed even during maternity leave?

  1. ShootingStar

    coconut / 8472 posts

    Our arrangement kind of evolved throughout the ~8 months it took for DS to sleep all the way through the night. In the beginning DH was on a 6 week leave and would get up with me. He was in charge of diaper changes and then I'd nurse. After he went back to work there was about two weeks where DS was still pooping in the MOTN, so I think I started taking over some of them. At 8 weeks old he stopped needing to be changed.

    I was still on mat leave until 10w so I tried to handle most of it myself. After I went back to work MOTN feeding had gotten easier - grab DS out of the PnP, nurse lying down, and then we'd go right back to sleep. Sometimes when they were a lot of wake ups I'd make DH bring him to me or put him back in the PnP because I was too tired to get up.

  2. Little Misters Mom

    kiwi / 567 posts

    The first two months I did all the MOTN feedings. I was worried about supply and bottle preference stuff (in retrospect this was unnecessary concern). Once DS was sleeping in 3 hour chunks, my husband would take one. So if DS ate at midnight, my husband would take 3 am with a pumped bottle and I would get to sleep from 12-6. Those 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep were so critical to my sanity!

  3. sapphire

    nectarine / 2173 posts

    During the early days after DO returned to work, He would take care of LO from when he got home til about midnight and then it was back to me after that. It helped make sure I got some hours of uninterrupted sleep and he would get at least 6 but usually more like 7 hours of sleep. He also helped overnights on weekends.

  4. TiredmommaMD

    cherry / 118 posts

    DH and I are staggered sleepers anyway. He has always been a night owl and I am a morning person. I went to bed at 9pm before I had kids. (Lame, I know) So he gives LO a bottle of pumped milk around 11:00pm or 12:00am since he is up anyway and then I can get 5 or 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Also, if I am really tired I'll ask him to change diaper in the MOTN and bring baby to me to nurse in bed. (I usually only ask him to do this on weekends or days he doesn't have to work the next day)

  5. 2littlepumpkins

    grapefruit / 4455 posts

    I will be asking for dh's help as needed. I feel like staying home with a newborn, depending how fussy baby is, can be more stressful and tiring than work, depending on the job, so I don't see why dads shouldn't help too. That said its do who will be on leave and I'll be starting to work again after staying at home for a few years so we will both have awhile off but he will be doing a lot of the dd care and she will be newly three so that's exhausting. (I was supposed to start several months ago but long story short life got in the way.)

  6. birdofafeather

    pineapple / 12053 posts

    DH got up and changed DD for every feeding for probably a couple months, unless it was when he was working overnight. She hated being wet so we changed her every wakeup for 6 months! That way, I could get situated and he was usually fast asleep before we got halfway through the feeding. I would have woken up no matter what because I'm a light sleeper and having him take a shift or something wouldn't have given me more sleep. The arrangement worked well for us and when we didn't have to change her anymore, he got up less frequently.

  7. gingerbebe

    cantaloupe / 6131 posts

    I did all the MOTN wake-ups and feedings unless DS was having a marathon several-hours-long meltdown (which he did frequently with colic and reflux). My husband was always willing to help as much as I needed him to, but I wanted him to get his rest.

    After the first month, we agreed on some set duties. DH would give a bottle before bedtime (around 10 or 11pm) while I pumped and got ready for bed (long hot shower, zone out, etc). I would be up at night with the baby and then DH get the baby up in the morning and give the first feeding. I would try to get up at the same time and pump but a lot of times I just slept! DS' last MOTN feed would be like 430am and he took FOREVER to eat so that 730am waketime was brutal on me. DH would put the baby down after the first feeding and then hopefully baby and I both slept at the same time. DH was also in charge of emptying the diaper genie, giving DS his bath, and doing all of the bottle/pump parts washing. He also did the dishes, laundry, garbage, vacuuming, and bills. I made sure there was food to eat and the baby stayed alive.

  8. autumnleaves

    pear / 1622 posts

    I didn't ask my DH to help with the night feedings but he decided to even when I was on maternity leave. I think it was after the first month or 6 weeeks (after we introduced the bottle). The classes that we attended before having LO encouraged this as an opportunity for DH to help out mom and connect with LO and there was no way I was going to turn him down.

  9. looch

    wonderful pear / 26210 posts

    I did all the middle of the night activities. I was able to sleep during the day when my son was napping, so it didn't make sense for me to wake my husband up. My husband tried to step in on the weekends, but it kind of messed things up, so I just took it on too.

    My husband helped in other ways.

  10. oliviaoblivia

    pineapple / 12793 posts

    I always just did night feedings. It didn't make sense for him to feed a bottle if I had to get up to pump anyway to replace that feed. There were never that many wakings that I felt it worth it for us to both have interrupted sleep.
    If there was a bad night and the baby wouldn't sleep we might take turns soothing, but overall it's easier and faster if I do it all. I'm also on leave for a year and get to nap during the day if needed.

  11. ElbieKay

    pomegranate / 3231 posts

    Weeks 1-3: My husband was home and it was all hands on deck.

    Weeks 4-8: I continued to have nursing pain and could not nurse round the clock, and I found it overwhelming to pump while I was home alone with the baby. (I also really really really hated pumping and was resentful that I had to pump for reasons other than going to work.) So I nursed during the day and pumped at night, and my husband got up with the baby and bottle fed him while going to his full time job.

    After that, I was able to nurse round the clock, so I did. I was home for another four weeks on leave, and then I went back to work (and continued to deal with the night feedings since I could nurse). Once the baby started to sleep through the night consistently, then I would send my husband in sometimes to rock him to sleep in the MOTN so I wouldn't distract him with milk.

    Basically, my attitude is that if I need to get up anyway to manage my milk supply, then there is no reason to disrupt my husband's sleep too. But there was no way I could handle pumping and bottle feeding. I would be up all night. I have no idea how anyone EPs.

  12. ineebee

    pear / 1580 posts

    I do all MOTN duties. It's hard, but DH has a 1.5-hour commute and a 10-hour work day, so I wouldn't be able to live with myself if he fell asleep on the road because he was up with me. I admit, I was bitter at first, even though it was my idea, but after a few hard discussions, DH now shows a lot of appreciation, so that makes it much easier.

  13. Finfan

    persimmon / 1436 posts

    DH has been a SAHD for 3 years. We are expecting DD2 in November. We plan to do the same thing with MOTN feedings as we did with the first. He is a night owl and will stay up for the first feeding. I will do the second and we will probably split any subsequent wake-ups.

  14. 2PeasinaPod

    pomelo / 5524 posts

    I exclusively pumped, so DH would help out a lot in the beginning. Especially when I made the decision to EP at 3 weeks when it was taking an hour and a half start to finish feeding him, getting him down and pumping afterwards b/c I was still full. I'd have to be back up in a half hour to feed him again. DH and I would take turns with each feeding, and it was immensely helpful.

  15. californiadreams

    pomegranate / 3411 posts

    i did the feedings because i was nursing and it made sense, rather than prepping a bottle and me having to pump - that would be annoying and take more time for both us. DH would get up to do diapers in the early newborn days because even then having that extra bit of sleep helped me. As LO got older, DH would get up to help with soothing but if a feed was required, i would still do it. I nursed for my whole mat leave of a year though.

  16. Adira

    wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts

    While Hubs was also on leave, he would get up and change the baby's diaper and bring him to me and then I would nurse and put him back to bed. Once Hubs returned to work, I would do nighttime duties by myself. Once I returned to work, we went back to him doing diaper changes and me doing feedings, though if we felt sure the baby wasn't hungry, we'd split nighttime duties (like soothing back to sleep) completely.

  17. Reese

    pomegranate / 3521 posts

    DH does all the diaper changes and I nurse. I am not pumping (only a bit to build a stash).

  18. alphagam84

    persimmon / 1095 posts

    We' re planning to split up the wake ups while I'm on maternity leave. We were thinking of having DH take all wake ups 'til midnight or 1 while I would go to bed early around 10. That would guarantee I'd get a 3-4 hour stretch of uninterrupted sleep. Then I would take all wake ups after that so DH could get a solid stretch of sleep 'til 7 or so. We are planning to formula feed so it will be easier in that sense for us vs. worrying about the baby not taking a bottle at all.

  19. snowjewelz

    wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts

    During the first month, DH still got up with me every time to make sure I was okay/had everything I needed. Eventually when I started nursing laying down, it was just so easy since we also co-sleep that I didn't need DH to get up too.

  20. Alivoo01

    wonderful olive / 19353 posts

    When DS was born, DH had to wake up at 2am to drive an hour to work, work until noon then pick up supplies and wouldn't get home till 2-3pm. Therefore, I did all MOTN feedings.

    However, when he was home, he would take over for a few hours so I could nap. And he always cleans/sanitizes my pumping parts and bottles, which was really helpful!

  21. LilSprinkles

    clementine / 778 posts

    I would nurse, and then DH would change LO's diaper. LO only woke up once a night at the beginning, so I didn't feel too bad (and it was my DH's choice).

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