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@CatchAFallingStar: hugs! I understand you on the resentment, especially when you bf and he feels he can't contribute. But during the day, he should be able to watch her and not make you fell rushed or guilty. Especially since she's 5 months old and soon will be able to go hours at a time without nursing, and will start eating solids soon. Try to keep the lines of communication open, I find things are always worse for us if we don't talk and let the resentments build up.

Is LO still sleeping in your room and DH is sleeping elsewhere? I'm not sure what your personal opinion is on the matter, but I would move LO to her own room stat.

I EBF at home, but DH gets up when DD wakes and he changes her diaper before he hands her off to me. Then he goes back to bed. Moot point if you don't change MOTN diapers.

Have you had a sit down talk with him? Not an angry or accusatory talk, but explain that you are exhausted and need him to be your team mate. DH is really great, but sometimes he needs me to explain how I feel or how certain things affect me.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you can talk to him ASAP. Tell him you need some me time and point out the fact it stresses you out when he asks you to hurry back. Is he uncomfortable caring for her alone? If this is the case, can you take a baby care class together or teach him/answer questions/ease his fears?

Good luck mama!

You guys sound just like me and my DH. I have and still do all night wakings. He never did or does UNLESS it's really bad, which was only once. I am usually ok with our breakdown of duties however once in a while (usually when I am sleep deprived or expecting aunt flo) i'll get resentful and blow up. All of it can be avoided with good communication. I understand you dont' want to have to tell him or go get him during the night b/c I don't like to do that either and I understand you want him to just "intuitively" help out but he's a man, and well... that's all I can say The point I am trying to make is that you need to tell him you need help and you need to take the time for yourself so the resentment doesn't build up.

I can relate. Basically, I am the main parent, the default parent, the manager, the aware one, whatever you want to call it- DH does whatever, I think of everyone. I'm not sure there is an answer other than I do my best to tell DH what I'd like him to do. It is just the way it is for us, I wish it was different. DH has specific things just he does like bath time. I still have to tell him to do it, but at least DD knows and expects bath time with dad... She basically prefers me and it can be very stressful. DH likes to be told what to do and I don't like telling people what to do... I do my best...

I would talk to him about your expectations and desires, as much as we want someone to take initiative or read our minds or think like we think- tell him!

What about having him burp her after night feeding, or handing baby to you?

Im sorry and I totally know the feeling. I am on breastfeeding the second child. We also have had discussions like he (at 10 months) doesn't need to eat every 2 hours. So if he does wake up before the next feeding, I send DH in there to get him back down.

Also, my DH is ALWAYS asking "are you almost home yet". it totally ruins the feeling of freedom.

DH and I had this issue as well... my issue being that he could go out and do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, but I always need to ask, or line things up ahead of time. There isn't really a way to fix that though as a bfing mama, it just is?

I would definitely suggest moving DH back to the bed, and baby to her crib/own room... We moved baby to his crib from the R&P at 4 months and his sleep got sooo much better (from being up every 2 hours to 4 hours) and some of that may have just been me waking up at every little sound he made.
Explain to DH how you feel and that you want to be able to go out and not feel rushed, and then plan a girls day and stick to it!
And it sounds like you guys might need a date night to reconnect? DH and I try to go out alone once a month, it usually ends up being a day-date but that's fine too! Do whatever you can to make it work!
As far as night-feeding at 6 months that's always been my job, and there really isn't anything DH can do; he's a heavier sleeper than I am so its just easier anyways for me to get up vs. trying to wake DH up. If he is awake he will grab ds for me and bring him to the room, but thats few and far between. I'd probably let that one go unless its an hour+ long wake-up, then I'd make sure baby was fed and hand dd off to DH so you can get some sleep too!

My husband and I went through something similar around 5 months. We had a serious come to Jesus talk where I laid it out for him exactly what I needed / wanted him to do. It was instantly better. He is also better able to take initiative on his own now that she is older and more of a kid then a baby (16 months). I think he is more confident and doesn't need to ask me what to do for everything now that she's not only breastfeeding and can communicate her needs more. Just talk to him and be very explicit about what he can do. At that stage for us, it was him getting up every morning with her and changing her. He always is willing to go in t night but I always found it easier to boob her back to sleep. On rough nights, he would go get her and bring her to me instead. You guys will get through this!

The best marriage advice I ever received was this: set your husband up for success! If you want him to do something, but only drop hints or emotional cues, he will surely fail. We wives kind of expect our husbands to read our minds sometimes because "they should just know," but it just simply isn't how they operate. Women are much more intuitive then men and we expect our spouses to be the same, which leads to resentment and discord.

I would give him your specific needs. Say "Babe. I love you, but I'm having a hard time. Can you help me? I need some time to myself. Could you please take the baby for X amount of hours every other Thursday evening? That would really help me decompress."

I'd then start a conversation about getting him back in your bed if that's what you want. Maybe consider moving baby into her own room? If not, maybe a cosleeper?

I know with my DH, the more I specific I can be, the better. That's what HE NEEDS in order to help meet MY NEEDS. Just me telling him "I'm so stressed out right now!" doesn't give him the tools he needs to help me. So, maybe say something like "could you please handle the first wake up of the night?"

Good luck, I hope things get better. Adding children into the mix can really stir a marriage up. I hope you find a new normal that you are both happy with.

This is what I would do:

Start sleeping together again, stat. If that means booting the baby to another room, fine. We room shared for a few months until it bothered DS' sleep. DH slept with an eye mask and earplugs until we moved the baby out. But we made it a priority to always sleep together.

Give bedtime and last feeding over to your husband. I gave DS one bottle of formula a day, which was the bedtime feeding at 730. DH did bath, book, bottle, etc. and I was resting or sleeping or pumping. If there was a dreamfeed around 10pm DH did it while I pumped. Then we went to bed. I did all night feedings and wake ups but usually I could get 630pm to MOTN to do whatever I needed.

Give the first thing in the morning feeding to your husband. I would pump right before bed and that was DS' morning bottle. I would pump in the morning while DH fed him and would have enough for the next feeding plus a little extra. I could read blogs or eat breakfast in peace while DH took care of the morning diaper, changing of clothes, and feeding.

Go out after the baby is asleep. My sons bedtime has been 730pm and I would just leave and do whatever I needed. DH could always call me to troubleshoot but I was "off the clock" for a few hours until I needed to pump.

DH was in charge of tasks I hated like laundry, dishes, and baby dishes like pump parts, bottle wash, etc.

Give them a hobby together. For DH it was stroller walks once a day until DS was old enough for swinging and then it was walk to the park and swing and come home.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this . Do you live near any high school students? Since it is summer, I have two high school girls come help me with the baby during the week. I'm able to exercise regularly, go to the grocery store alone, etc. The girls that help me are affordable, and even 1 or 2 hours away from the baby does me a world of good. Could you find a mother's helper for a few hours each week? You've gotten a lot of good advice...hang in there and make time for yourself-and for your marriage-a priority.

@CatchAFallingStar: We all have those days. Completely understand.

We all have days (or weeks, or months) like that. Hang in there!

Like @Corduroy's situation, my DH is a wonderful, supportive partner during the day, but it is a Jekyll/Hyde situation MOTN - he's horrible if I wake him up.

When he is sick, I always feel 10x more overwhelmed because it's a man cold situation and I feel like I'm taking care of another needy person, in addition to my toddler and infant. So I totally get that this might be just a vent while you're having a bad day.

But if I could offer a gentle suggestion - try to move your daughter to another room. Even if she's high-needs, she might have a tough time at first and then settle in beautifully and everyone might sleep better. Everyone is different, but I wouldn't sleep in a different room than my husband for months on end if we weren't both happy with the situation. Co-sleeping is wonderful if it works for a family, but it doesn't sound like it's working for you (and it wouldn't for me either!)

Again, just trying to help. I want my children to be happy, but my relationship with my husband does take priority if everyone is healthy. And that's partly because I expect him to be a contributing co-parent even though I'm a SAHM, and partly because he's my best friend and life partner, and the infant years are hard, and we need to protect our happiness as a couple.