Just looking for a little bit of insight on how to handle something. For starters a little background info....the only full blood brother I had(have) was special needs and he passed away at 11mo, I was 3. The only memory I have of him is his funeral(and even that I had to seek clarification from my mother of if what I was dreaming/remembering actually happened or was it just a dream). Because of this any kiddo with special needs really pulls at my heartstrings, when the LO is close to me certain things are unbearable. When I was 14 my next to youngest little brother had to have an asthma treatment due to his age they used the oxygen mask because he wasn't old enough to hold the plastic tube in his mouth...I LOST MY SH**!! I could not handle it I walked out of the dr office crying while my mom had no clue what was wrong with me. Fast forward 12 years and now I am a stepmom to a little handsome guy with special needs. The first time I met him he was in the hospital with an illness that was effecting other parts of life causing seizures and the works....I was highly emotional and felt like a total jerk because I was "ready to go" after being there for only about 10 minutes. I wasn't actually ready to go I just couldn't handle seeing him hooked up to the machines and ventilator and such. Now slightly more than a year later I am still very distant when he is in the hospital but I can be in his room with him at his moms and talk to him and kiss him and such. I got brave a few months ago and asked his mommy if I could actually hold him. She obliged and it went shockingly well for all of about 5 minutes then as rude and mean as I felt I couldn't bear to hold him anymore. I want to get more involved in his care and learning the things he needs but 1. I feel like such a jacka** when I ask questions and 2. I don't want to be an inconvenience to mom because she has to bear with my emotions when trying to teach me things. Any advice on how to get past this block I have.