I have this vision of the kind of parent I want to be, especially when it comes to correcting behavior, but I keep finding my patience wearing down and there I am yelling and making threats again. So I think I want my New Years resolution to be working on my patience. In preparation I’m wondering what strategies work for others. For example I know that lack of sleep definitely reduces my patience so I’m going to focus on getting a good nights sleep (as much as that’s in my control). The other big trigger for me is if I’m trying to get something else done. Things like making dinner I obviously can’t delay until past bedtime, but the other night I was setting up some smart lighting with 2 minions running around and that definitely could have waited. Has anyone else noticed other things that trigger impatience or help them have more patience with your kids? I’d love to hear it
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Patience is one of my biggest problems. Something that helps sometimes is to remind myself that it really doesn’t matter, at least within reason. If they want to put their own shoes on and it takes three minutes instead of 30 seconds, so what? I’m generally an impatient person, nothing frustrates me more than somebody walking slowly on the sidewalk, but the whole deep breath, if we get there at 3:42 instead of 3:40 it doesn’t matter reminder does help.
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One of my biggest triggers is noise, especially if we are home. I have a really hard time if DD has music on, is playing with toys that make noise, and is talking to me while I am trying to do anything else. We have set a max volume on our echo and said no noise making things in the kitchen. That has helped me a ton.
I really dislike exercising but I have found that exercising regularly really helps me be calmer and more patient with DD. And like you mentioned, getting enough sleep. I’m also really open with her if I am getting frustrated and will tell her that I need to take a break or have two minutes to think. I want her to see that staying calm and patient is work for me too.
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Lack of sleep or not eating and letting my blood sugar drop both get to me for sure. Sometimes it helps me to just force myself to be still and quiet for a minute, don’t react right away. Take a deep breath and think about how much it really matters. Sometimes when I am frustrated with my son (who is my most frustrating kid but also a sweetheart!) I just hug him without talking. I think it helps both of us and when I’ve had a second to think I can react better. I also do what @catgirl: mentioned of saying I’m frustrated and talking out loud about why and what we should do. Sometimes I even say I’m really frustrated or upset right now, how can we make this better? and see if they can come up with a solution. Of course your kids need to be a certain age to answer that but I like the idea and it works sometimes!
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This is something I definitely need to work on, I’m impatient and a yeller. I’m very triggered by hanger so I try to make sure I have a granola bar or something with me and I keep a can of nuts in my car. I also try to make sure I build in enough time to get out of the door if we’re going somewhere. I have three under 5 so we can’t exactly rush out of the door, especially in the winter.
I personally need to work on my reactions to my toddler. My oldest was a very toddler but my middle child is much more difficult and I haven’t figured out how to handle him and yelling isn’t effective and just makes me feel bad.
I also try to give myself some grace and start each day fresh. If I have a particularly bad/impatient day then the next morning I’ll give myself a pep talk before I get out if bed.
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@erinbaderin: Lol, slow sidewalk people (and drivers) are a huge pet peeve for me too. I also hate to be late. I bet I am being triggered by things not happening on my timetable even if it's arbitrary...
@catgirl: That's interesting about exercise. I know I'm way more irritable in the winter and have wondered how much of that is due to vitamin D maybe, but I also exercise WAY less in the winter so I wonder how that contributes too.
@bhbee: I really like the idea of asking my 5 year old for suggestions... I'm gonna have to give this a try
@LadyDi: I feel like my oldest has gotten harder and harder as he's gotten older so I feel you on the endless cycle of yelling and trying to be better but still not finding what works. It's so hard
Grace is definitely needed
Grace is definitely needed
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