I realize this is sort of random, but this dilemma has been plaguing me all day!
Tonight I'm going to someone's house for a "Girl's Night/Thirty One Party" (you know, like a Pampered Chef party but with those bags?) Anywho, I would consider the hostess a friend, but not a close friend. More like, we share a few close friends. I haven't ever been to her house and there are a lot of people invited that I don't know.
I'm planning on wearing a cute new top, skinny jeans and boots. However, I hate wearing skinny jeans sans boots because I feel like my calves are wide and they need to be hidden in boots! I'm worried that when I get there, everyone's going to be taking off their shoes and I'm going to have to walk around self-conscious of my wide calves. When you have a party, do you ask people to take off their shoes? We never do, but we don't have much carpeting and we are just laid-back about our house in general. So I guess I don't know what to do!
So, if you were in this situation, would you:
a) wear the skinny jeans and boots and risk being asked to take off the boots and having to wander around shoeless? OR
b) wear a different pair of jeans that aren't as cute but won't look silly if you take off your shoes?
(And if you think I'm crazy and should stop worrying about things like this, you win! But I'm thinking about it anyway...)
apricot / 498 posts
I would think (aka hope) that when throwing a party one wouldn't ask their guests to take off their shoes in the first place. Unless of course if your entire guest list was sporting snow boots or some other contraption that can bring in a lot of gunk.
honeydew / 7230 posts
Well, it is raining here but you're probably right and I'm freaking out for no reason! I have been to get-togethers where everyone takes off their shoes though. But maybe that person was the weird one, having us all take off our shoes!
pea / 11 posts
I agree with venice4504 - usually when hosting a party, the hostess would deal with shoes (even if she would normally ask her close friends to remove them during an informal get together). I would go with your awesome skinnies & boots!
coffee bean / 38 posts
I would pick option B. I was raised in a house where you took your shoes off as soon as you walk in the door and its the same in my house now with hubby and me. We live in an area with lots of snow in the winter and mud in the spring/fall, so its more of a necessity than anything.
honeydew / 7968 posts
well, i'm asian and it's custom to take off shoes, so i'd expect people to take off shoes. i find it gross to have people lugging in their shoes around my home. (i make exceptions for repair men and what not, but if i have a whole party, i'd want no shoes, unless i'm all wood floors and don't have to worry about carpets getting nasty).
i personally would go with option #2. unless you know for sure that no shoes is optional.
pear / 1837 posts
Shoes gross me out. We keep all our shoes by the front door, and pretty much all our friends that we see regularly take off their shoes when they come over, and we do the same at their houses. Especially now that we (and several friends) have an infant who spends a lot of time on the floor.
That said, if we have a BIG gathering, I suck it up and don't worry about it and don't expect people to take off their shoes (though I always appreciate it when they do).
pear / 1554 posts
Here in Japan, it's just part of the custom to take your shoes off. Most houses have an entry way designed to take take your shoes off before entering the house. Growing up in the states, my mom (Japanese), made everyone take their shoes off when they came to our house, so I was accustomed to it. I think I would do the same if we ever move back to the states. So, I would go with #2.
GOLD / cantaloupe / 6703 posts
Hmmm, I'm not sure. I prefer that people take their shoes off in my home, and I ask if they want me to in their home. Could you just text your friend and ask?
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
I would go with option 2 as a precaution. That way if you are asked to remove your shoes you will feel comfortable enough to relax and enjoy the party.
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
I grew up in a mostly Asian community so it's custom to remove your shoes even if it's a party. I say find out from your friend or play it safe with option 2.
honeydew / 7230 posts
Thanks ladies for all your replies. I think I will go with #2 just to be on the safe side!
grapefruit / 4056 posts
I am glad you decided to go with option 2, I have a strict no shoes in the house rule, and I would be super offended if anyone tried to wear their shoes in my home.
grapefruit / 4400 posts
@twodoghouse: I don't think anyone else would notice your calves! It's one of those things that we're more self-conscious about! I say go with A and take the risk! The payoff is a better looking outfit if you don't end up having to take your shoes off.
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
I didn'tknow people were really still doing that! I had one friend growing up whose mom would always make us take off our shoes... but I have never encountered this since being an adult.
Also... am I the only one who thought of the sex and the city episode where Carrie is forced to do this and then someone steals her Manolos!?
clementine / 814 posts
I dont have much of an opinion on the whole taking your shoes off but I do want to add that I am sure your calves will not be pointed out to become a topic of conversation. I dont know but I dont think I would look around at everyones calves or even feet... unless they had a big hole in their sock or something! hehe.
coffee bean / 30 posts
Put me in the minority camp, here. If you're having a party, you should expect guests to keep their shoes on. Shoes are a part of being a dressed adult. I once was at a party where I had to take my shoes off (heels) and walk around barefoot introducing myself to my husband's co-workers, pants dragging on the floor. It was unbelievably awkward (and my feet were freezing!). I was so happy to leave.
Just be sure to be a good guest and wipe your feet!
coffee bean / 45 posts
Maybe it's because I live in Ontario and we get real winter here but I can't imagine wearing my shoes in someone's house. We just don't do that. As soon as you walk in, you take off your shoes. In my mind shoes are dirty and I wouldn't want people to track their dirt around my house and I wouldn't do it to anyone else. Funny how different it is for everyone. Some people can't imagine wearing them and some people can't imagine not wearing them.
pear / 1639 posts
I make people take their shoes off at our house. We have a kid that plays on the floor, I don't want to be cleaning up shoe prints!
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
Taking shoes off at someone's home is just normal for me. In fact, I arrived at a party once and took off my shoes only to find everyone upstairs with their shoes on! It was an awkward walk back downstairs to fetch my shoes. But yeah, I always expect to take off my shoes.
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
We usually keep shoes on. Weird how everybody is different.
I love 31! Hope you get some cute bags!
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
This is also a cultural thing for me: I always take my shoes off when I visit someone. Actually that's not true: I use cultural profiling. If I'm visiting an Asian friend, I take my shoes off; otherwise, I take my cues off of the other guests.
If the dinner is fancy and there are lots of people attending ( i.e. it's more than just a few friends over), I would probably arrive a bit late and then look to see if there lots of shoes near the entrance.
blogger / honeydew / 7081 posts
Is this just something that's popular in the States? I live in Ontario, and anywhere I've ever gone, its always common courtesy to take off your shoes. I actually feel uncomfortable keeping my shoes on in someone's house. Maybe because we have so much snow/rain/mud and our shoes are always dirty?
This is just something I've wondered about.
blogger / honeydew / 7081 posts
@Swgal - oops, I posted without reading all the comments first. Thank you! Glad to know I'm not alone in taking shoes off always...
apricot / 256 posts
@Ms.Bucky: I agree. Especially at a party with a bunch of people I would find it odd to be walking around either barefoot or in socks. The only time I take my shoes off at other people's houses is if it's a close friend, small gathering of close friends or family. Or if they ask me to.
persimmon / 1255 posts
I almost always take my shoes off unless I'm in a house where it's cleaner to keep them on, jk. Our shoes walk on so many icky surfaces (including public bathroom floors) that I can't imagine tracking all that nastiness onto my floors where I and my LO crawl and play.
I do also expect my guests to take off their shoes when they come over (even for parties) although I do warn newcomers of my policy so they don't get blindsided.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
It's customary where we live to take off your shoes when visiting someone. I usually plan accordingly and wear something with socks so I am not walking around barefoot.
No one I know has a basket of slippers available, not sure I would use them to be honest.
bananas / 9227 posts
I'm Asian too, and we take off our shoes for respect. Plus it's just so much cleaner! I have friend that threw a dinner party with cocktails and music and 2 girls we knew from HS (but don't really keep in touch with but we share the same good friends) arrived late. They were done up, club attire with stilettos!
Those girls totally dug into her hardwood floors! Marks everywhere ... everyone else had their shoes off and they came late so it's not like they didn't miss the mass of shoes by the door. Sidenote: they were also Asian.
Hubby is Swedish and they take their shoes off as well. It's much, much cleaner.
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
We never used to take our shoes off at home,neither did any of the people I grew up with. I have friends who are Canadian, Asian and one couple from Hawaii that ask that we do take our shoes off when we come to their homes. It's all about the culture and lifestyle of the person who's house you are visiting. If you're worried, text your friend and ask if they're a shoes on or off home.
Also, I think it's incredibly rude for someone to go into someone else's house and blatantly ignore the pile of shoes at the door. I asked my friends to take their shoes off one year after we had our floors redone and this one friend just tromped right in in her heels. Ugh.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
As PPs have stated, it's a cultural (Korean) / location (MI - snow 5 months) thing for me and it's actually carried over into our home, even though DH is Caucasian, he's a clean freak and appreciates the lack of shoe dirt/snow/etc. in the house.
GOLD / papaya / 10206 posts
I couldn't imagine not taking off my shoes in someones house. Although we've definetely had parties/been places where 'don't worry about taking your shoes off' was established by the host. I hate when people walk around on my hardwood floors in spiky heels and leave dents/scratches in it. I could care less about our carpet! lol!
squash / 13199 posts
If they have light colored carpeting (cream, ivory, blush, etc) then I always take off my shoes even they say it doesnt matter. But if they have wooden or tiled flooring then I keep my shoes on unless they are exceptionally muddy/dirty for some reason
apricot / 260 posts
Having REALLY stinky feet, I hate when people make me take off my shoes. It's so embarrassing for me because, no matter what I do, people can smell my feet.
Anyway, wear the skinny jeans and don't worry about it. No one else will notice.
grape / 95 posts
Glad you are going with option 2 but I doubt anyone will notice your calves. We are always more critical of ourselves.
I always assume I have to take off my shoes when entering someone's home but I've usually been lax with other people coming over. I know it can be annoying for those that aren't accustomed to it. Then again I have no carpet so it didn't bother me that much, especially if I'm throwing a party. It's too hard to demand everyone to take off shoes and then you'll also have a pile of shoes cluttered at the entry way.
However, now that we're expecting, my stance has totally changed.. I am going to be more adamant about a no shoe policy. I really want our house to be clean and unfortunately, shoes just track in too much dirt and it's gross.
pea / 11 posts
My husband is Asian and we ask people to take off their shoes when they come over, even for parties. However, sometimes for some reason someone wants to leave them on -- usually a relative who is unsteady on their feet. And we don't have a problem with that.
If you came over and told me you didn't want to take off your boots because it was an ensemble, I'd think it a little weird but I wouldn't prevent you from coming in!
Likewise, when my husband and I go to someone else's home, we always offer to take off our shoes.