Hellobee Boards

@mrsjazz: Interesting. I was definitely harassed in middle school by boys because I developed quickly. It's hard not to give in because you want boys to like you, but I also cried a lot because I felt so embarrassed and humiliated. It can pressure girls (boys too) into doing things they aren't ready for yet, even at 13 or 14. I'm living proof. It's definitely something that needs worked on.
I'm sure the boys really didn't know they were being inappropriate, because often I was too afraid to oppose it.

I don't know how I will teach my future children to help them be smarter but I know it definitely happens in middle school. Thanks for bringing it up...I want to teach my son to be respectful of a woman's body always. And my future daughter(s) that telling a boy no is absolutely okay and the right thing to do and if anyone makes you feel uncomfortable to get help right away, or talk to me. I never did anything about it as a child.

I was a victim when I was 16 and at the time didn't realise that had happened/blamed myself for it. I know I plan to discuss this with DD but I haven't even begun to think how. I'll probably start with some literature for myself on how to open the dialogue.

Sadly, I was in an incident when I was 11...more than once. I said nothing about it, but not sure why. I think it changed my behavior though because I was doing things I shouldn't have been, but I think it was because I had this secret that I felt like I couldn't share. I hope my kids feel like they can come to me about things like this.

@Mrs. Jump Rope: stfu. Seriously?
I wouldn't die but someone would.

I live in fear of this and I hate it. I constantly worry about my daughter. I swear and I don't even care if this is on the internet for all to see and use in court, but damn right if anyone, ANYONE hurts my baby, I'm picking out a orange jumpsuit because someone is gonna die. Seriously.

@locavore_mama: I've already started teaching her the correct word for her private area, so if she were hurt and she used a different word, I'd know. I read this on a pin somewhere.

@MsMamaBear: Wow that's a good idea

@Mrs. Jump Rope: When I was a teen I worked at Salvation army homes for children with social workers. I spent most of the summer organizing their case files. Which meant I had to read through them. And often met the kids (non name matched, obvs) when they came in to meet with their social worker. That summer cinched it for me that I can't work as a social worker or child psychologist.

@MsMamaBear: ditto. Saw that, too. I also tell Chloe that only certain people are allowed to change her diaper, and list the names.

Teaching children to respect other people is the first step. It's important to teach our kids the correct words for their body parts, and how to get help if they are feeling unsafe, what's okay/ not okay, use words like surprise instead of secret (no secrets in our family), etc.
Dating violence is a huge problem. So we teach our children to treat others with respect, to understand consent, how to manage difficult emotions, how to be a responsible bystander (how to help a friend, get help, etc.), Internet safety...

I think that teaching children (especially little girls) to say NO to violations of their personal space is a really crucial and age appropriate way to teach them to respect their boundaries. My toddler often screams NO NO NO when other children come near her, just because she has a big personal space bubble. I often have to stifle my impulse to say 'oh honey let's be friendly' and remember that I'd rather raise a child who feels confidant about her boundaries than a friendly one.

I apply the same logic to touching her (besides required cleaning/diaper changes), hugging and kissing, etc. I ask first, and respect a no. I also really allow her to say no without heckling her to 'be polite' or anything. If something makes her scared or uncomfortable, she gets to shout no and be done with it. If that hurts an adult's feelings, I'm not super worried about it.

I was just thinking about this. There's a little girl in our neighborhood that's still in elementary school but really pressures boys into weird relationships and writes them awkward letters and she's only 8. Her mom is not a good role model and has a string of boyfriends in and out of the house. She's a sweet girl in a lot of ways but her approach to little boys is really unfortunate.

One of my momma friends who has a daughter her age is really conflicted what to do because the little girls behavior is inappropriate and she's worried about it teaching her daughter a really bad approach to boys, but at the same time she doesn't want to ostracize the little girl so they've been doing a lot of talking