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It can be scary, and is hard post-partum but you do heal fairly quickly and some things help aid it :). I am four weeks post-partum right now and though I do still have some soreness (though for many women it is gone by four weeks), I would say I'm mostly healed.

We did perineal massage leading up to birth to help prepare, we didn't do it as often as is recommended so being more diligent may have helped a little, but this is one way you can reduce the likelihood of a tear.
For me, I was induced and once labor really started it went very fast. The nurses said that if I had been allowed to go into labor naturally I probably wouldn't have torn because natural labor is a more gradual process whereas pitocin speeds up labor artificially. So I started active labor at midnight and had my son before 4am. SO if you don't end up being induced, you may not tear so badly either.

I had two tears to my perineum and one tear on my right labia (yeah, I had no idea you could even tear there! This one definitely hurt the worse). My son came out with his hand by his face, so I guess the pressure of that against the inside of me was what caused that tear.

For the in-hospital post-partum experience I was actually fairly comfortable because all needs are met. I took ibuprofen every 8 hours to reduce swelling and eliminate some pain and it really helps. I also took full advantage of the pad-ice-paks you can put in your mesh panties and those were AMAZING. So amazing in fact that I froze my own pads when I got home because the coolness felt soothing and helped reduce swelling a lot. I would recommend having some cotton cloths on hand and soaking them in herbs/witches hazel then freezing them.

I used a spray called Happy Bottom by Earth Mama Angel Baby and I swear by it. It's all natural ingredients, like Witches Hazel, that have natural healing properties so it's very gentle and smells great. I would spray it down there whenever I used the bathroom and I really think it aided a lot in my recovery.
I also received a bag of herbs (lavender, comfrey, sage, uvi ursi, chamomile, garlic & sea salt) from my midwife that I steeped in boiling water for 20 minutes then poured in my bathtub, I soaked in that for an hour and it really helped alleviate soreness. My bathtub was my best friend! Showering was too much activity for me to handle for the first two weeks, and soaking in the tub was relaxing and healing.

The pain was definitely worst the first week. I waddled for the first couple days, and was pretty uncomfortable, like I couldn't sit cross-legged until the 5th-6th day or so. It was really hard getting out of bed or moving around a lot. Sitting was painful because of the pressure it puts on the area, honestly sitting on the boppy was great, it elevated the area so you don't sit on it directly. I honestly wanted two boppies for the first week, one for my bottom and the other for breastfeeding!

You also may deal with incontinence for awhile. I had it pretty bad, though I think part of why I had it so badly is because I had to have a catheter put in in the hospital, and once it was taken out I had no bladder control at all, I couldn't feel any of my muscles down there. Honestly adult diapers became my best friend, never thought I'd say that but I really needed them and they were soo comfortable. I didn't go back to wearing my own panties until about 2 weeks pp. I didn't have any problems with BM's until the third week, I developed a hemmorhoid and it's actually still ongoing. I use that spray down there too.

I am also into alternative medicine and my homeopathic consultant told me of a homeopathic remedy known to aid in post-partum healing, staphysagria, so I took that about 5 times a day. And for hemmorhoids I take Nux Vomica.

I have heard that if you're a runner you also have an easier post-partum period because as a runner you strengthen your pelvic floor muscles considerably, that's why drs recommend kegels every day too!

Hopefully this helps a bit! And good luck I'm a month out and feel mostly normal. Once I hit the two-week mark I did feel substantially better and started going out and taking walks again.

I had a 2nd degree tear. It was pretty sucky, I only got up from my hospital bed to pee, and walk to see my lo if the nurses had her. My husband did everything, he changed all diapers and gave lo to me whenever I wanted her. It was just too painful to get up! They give you something to spray on there, and a water bottle to helped with burning while you pee, and tucks pads. I started walking around more at home but it still hurt pretty bad. It obviously gets better every day, but it was over 3 weeks before I wasn't crazy sore anymore.

Hope you don't get tearing, but if you do its not the end of the world. You're really so focused on your lo, you're not thinking about yourself.

I had a 2nd degree tear and then I retore! And then something that people don't usually mention there was also a nice abrasion. No fun. But once it retore I went back to the OB but they didn't put more stitches in but it still healed on it's own without stitches. It just was sore for a little longer than was normal but still running sllllllllloooooowwly within 3 weeks of delivering. So it wasn't pleasant but not the worst thing either.

i wasn't prepared for tearing at all because i was supposed to have a c section and ended up with a vbac when olive came early! i had second degree tears even though she was only 4lbs 15oz. the stitching up part was sooooooo painful and took forever -- that i was not expecting at all!

olive also had to stay in the hospital an extra 5 days, so i had to check into a local hotel and walk back and forth 3 long blocks. it made my recovery so much slower and painful. the recovery was waaaaay worse than it was with my c section.

but around the 2 week mark i started feeling better, and then pretty quickly back to normal after that. if i wasn't walking so much, i think the recovery would have been much faster.

i couldn't have lived without the peri bottle. and refrigerated tucks helped a lot. we have a guide on postpartum pain care here:

http://www.hellobee.com/2011/10/12/postpartum-pain-relief/

Tearing was probably my worst fear for delivery. I feared recovery more than delivery itself and tearing had a big part to do with it. I did Kegels faithfully and I believe it really helped, because even though I did tear, I did not tear down as most people do (towards the rectum-- I tore upwards. My doctor explained while she was stitching me up that this is a much less serious tear, is less painful and heals a lot more quickly than the other type. The biggest part was that I didn't have to worry about peeing-- since the tear was upwards, the pee never hit the wound or stitches. I was still sore, of course, but I didn't have to think about the stitches at all. I never touched or looked down there until i was completely healed about 3 weeks later because I was terrified.

So do your Kegels! Honestly I don't think there's any way I could have NOT torn because RJ's head size was so huge. Hes' always been above 95th percentile in head circumference, even now. In utero his head was so large they thought he could have Down's Syndrome. I pushed for 3 hours and he never crowned-- they never saw his head at all. They placed the vacuum internally and basically pulled him out with 3 pushes. I have narrow hips for my proportions but I'm not a small girl by any means! So the fact that his head just all came through at once, I don't think there's any way I could have NOT torn.

ETA: The stitching up process was by far the most painful part of delivery (other than contractions right before transition). I hated hated hated hated hated that.

Reading all of this scares me!

@mrs. wagon: I agree, I hated the stitching up part. Even though they use a local anesthetic, you still feel it because it's just so raw and tender; you don't feel the stitch, just them touching and all that. It's mighty uncomfortable.

@NYCaliMama: It's crazy how different everyone's experiences are. I had such a great time breastfeeding, I mean yes, he breastfed all the time the first week, but it was so easy for us I felt so blessed.

@marriedandlovingit: Aww sorry babe! It really isn't so bad, I mean what's two weeks of pain out of your whole life?! It is worth it, and like Artbee said, you are so focused on your new baby that it seems so minuscule in comparison. I think the hardest part was often not being able to care for my son how I'd like to because I had so many limitations. Like this one time I sat up in bed to change his diaper, and I wet myself - just the movement of getting up made me go. Then my husband had to "babies" to clean up after!

I think the timing of pushes is totally key.
I'm 3 weeks post partum and feeling totally awesome- in large part due to the fact that I didn't tear and only had a couple of small grazes. The midwives here really focus on helping you not to tear, so that was key. When I got to the point that I was crowning, she had me stop and pant instead of pushing through. This allowed the perineum to stretch out on it's own rather than tearing. It was so hard not to push in that moment, but totally worth it!
I meant to do perineal massage, but never actually got around to it. I sort of think having a good amount of essential fatty acids in my diet also helped with skin elasticity.
My son was just under 7 lbs at birth.
Good luck!

OMG!! Tearing is also one of my worst fears/nightmares of being preggo. I crossed my legs and winced in pain as I read this thread. I almost feel nauseaus... Not looking forward to delivery. At. All.

@chopsuey119: and @miss-spunkin: I hope that holds true for me! I am so scared! I will be taking your advice, Miss Spunkin and get that herbal spray that has helped you so much.

@MegWag: That's an interesting point. Makes sense.

@joyjoy: LOL, I did kegels too the entire time reading this post. I wasn't scared before but I am now

@stiffaknee: Percocet only really has an effect on constipation at pretty high doses/long-term use. Most women I know really only take ibuprofen after vaginal delivery. But if Percocet (and lots of it) is needed for pain relief and/or constipation is an issue, one should definitely be taking a stool softener and/or eat a high fiber diet to avoid straining.

It wasn't as bad as I had feared beforehand. No, it's not fun, but you deal with what you are given, it's not like you have too much choice once labor starts.

I had a second degree tear, a decent amount of stitches, and it took me about 3 weeks to start feeling really good again.

I used the rinse (peri) bottle, Tucks pads, stool softener, Epi-cleanz, Dermaplast, and I had them put an ice pack on right away and through the night.

I definitely overdid it the days afterwards, and probably would have taken less time to heal, but I went into a house cleaning frenzy that I hadn't finished before my water broke.

I only need Ibuprofen afterwards, and would do it all again exactly the same, I'm happy with how everything turned out.

ETA- I felt great after the sitz baths, but they put too much pressure down there, so I used the removable shower head and that worked much better.

I was able to push LO out in 3 pushes. I didn't tear in the usual spot - I actually had a tiny tear inside my whoo-ha and I had some skid marks. I'm not sure if that made it worse or not, but it burned so bad every time I had to pee that I would cry out in pain - I actually would avoid going to the bathroom if I could help it. But after 2.5 weeks, all was back to normal.

@Crumbs: Nope, I am in Australia. I had heard about the spray bottles for after from a friend and was ready to send DH out for one but I found I didn't really need one.

I honestly found that the painkillers they gave me did the trick, I don't think I needed an ice pack at all as recovery was uncomfortable but not awful.

Can I suggest the stool softeners again ??! Seriously the first poop was not good, I didn't have the softeners soon enough. Learn from my mistake!

You will be fine. I was slack with kegels beforehand and i didn't do any of the massage some of the other Bees have mentioned. Pelvic floor took some time to "spring back" but I only really noticed that because I am a runner.

holy crap. i should not have opened this thread.

now i am terrified.

i had only one tear, but definitely the first two weeks were the toughest because you are severely swollen down there. i think once the swelling went down for me, it was much better prob week 3-4. the thing i highly recommend is using the the sitz bath immediately after giving birth, it helps with the swelling so much more so than ice or witch hazel at least in my opinion.

i'm on week 6 and finally my chucky is feeling more normal.