Hellobee Boards


Tell Me About Your Postpartum Family Experience

  1. MrsBucky

    kiwi / 656 posts

    @foodiebee: I have read the responses and just wanted to add a few things fwiw. The first time we didn’t even tell anyone I was in labor- I didn’t want anyone to know because it felt like more pressure I didn’t need. Both my mom and my MIL were awesome at being helpful- cooking, doing dishes, going along with whatever worked for me. I didn’t have to entertain them, they went to the grocery store and kept us fed and the house from falling into disrepair. I personally didn’t care if people saw me breastfeeding, so my rule was anyone who wanted to visit had to be ok with seeing my boobs. If you feel differently, definitely give yourself some space! Also, I wouldn’t want anyone around that I didn’t feel comfortable being totally raw with who would also be really helpful. My mom was willing to take the 3-5 am shift when the baby was fed but not sleeping/ wanted to be held, for example. Huge! Anyway, just some additional stream of consciousness thoughts as I nursed baby #2 😋


    nectarine / 2461 posts

    @foodiebee: didn't read every response but what I noticed about your post was that it's all about what other people want to do. what do YOU want? because you get to decide so choose what would make you feel comfortable, happy, and supported.

    I know it's easier said than done, but IMO this is the part where family politics/drama can take a back seat--no one needs to get butt-hurt about having to wait another week or two. What is *truly* nice and helpful is family not putting their ego stuff on you when your prerogative has suddenly become taking care of beautiful baby 24 hours a day.

  3. SweetCaroline

    pear / 1718 posts

    @foodiebee: When my daughter was born, we informed our family that only grandparents were welcome to visit us at the hospital. I had a 40 hour labor, finally went to the hospital at 11pm. By the time baby was born the next day at 2pm, both sets of grandparents were pacing the waiting room. While I was getting stitched up, I saw my in-laws' feet under the curtain and I said (through gritted teeth) "Get them out of here." {like seriously...most vulnerable moment ever}. My mom texted me 2 different times while I was trying to nurse for the first time (did not go well) and then while I was trying to shower/get cleaned up. For our next child I will request no visitors, period. DD won't be allowed in anyways, so that makes it easy--she gets to meet baby first, and grandparents will be taking care of her anyway.

    Once we were home, it was just DH and I for a week, figuring our new life out. My mom came 2-3 days after DH went back to work and she stayed for 3 days or so. She cooked, did laundry and held the baby while I rested. She also called me out for attempting to be super woman and made me rest. I don't really remember my in-laws presence a whole lot. They did come over with DH's siblings and brought pizza one night, so the siblings could meet baby.

    With a future baby, if grandparents want to know how they can help I will request meals, oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, muffins and also for them to take DD outside and run her around (very specific! ). Also, for them to hold baby while DD, DH and I play a game or something.

    Think about what you want and be very direct when you ask for it. This is up to you and DH and it does not matter what anyone else thinks or feels. This is only the beginning of you setting boundaries for your new family!

  4. irene

    nectarine / 2964 posts

    To answer the OP question, no we didn't have to balance nothing because my in-laws didn't even know we were having a baby They only knew after my baby was born. If you knew my FIL you wouldn't let him know too during the process.

    It was a disaster. If I had to do it over again, I would have just wing it and not have anyone over, ever. I would cook a bunch of freezer meals and kept it in the freezer and that's about it.

    My mom knew about my pregnancy, and because I read everywhere that it would be a time that I need the most help with, I begged my mom to come. She REFUSED, but I basically forced her to come. She had to fly from Hong Kong to come here. It was quite a mayhem. All was well before my baby was born and we treated her like a guest and we took care of her. The thing is, after I went to the hospital, it was really hard for DH because he had to take care of me and my mom at home, who has no car and couldn't get around. After we got home, there was a lot of stress because DH was kinda in a post-partum depression mode, and there was quite a bit of disagreement between my mom and him. DH blurbed out comments that my mom took in and held a grudge on. And my mom ended up getting quite sick with a cold when she was about to leave. Everyone was miserable. Looking back it would have been better if she wasn't here and we'll just figure it out on our own.

  5. foodiebee

    kiwi / 662 posts

    @SweetCaroline: Totally stealing the oatmeal chocolate chip cookies idea!

    @irene: Yeah, DH really likes the suggestions posted here about holding off on telling everyone about labor so that we know people won't be showing up during that time. So sorry to hear about your experience! It does sound so stressful and difficult on everyone.


You must login / Register to post

© copyright 2011-2014 Hellobee