Hellobee Boards

It makes me sad that only the boys are exercising or "playing" and the girls are standing around like they're wallflowers at a dance. I don't have an answer to this other than my kid will never go to school in inappropriate clothing. Parents know. They obviously just don't care.

If your butt or stomach is hanging out - you're not wearing it!

The school definitely needs a dress code!

@hilsy85: Yes, as a girl who doesn't really like to dress that way, it was nice to have protection to not be pressured into fitting into those styles at school!

I think the hardest thing for administration was girls shoulder width. They went back and further from, no spaghetti straps, to 2", then to 4 finger width, and then to it has to come out to the edge of your shoulder bone.

They also struggled a bit with policy for sandals. They tried to say no flip flops but it was FL and we wore lots of sandals! In the end they allowed them!

@hilsy85: @T.H.O.U.: whats wrong with showing shoulders?

I just saw an article the other day about a toddler who got into trouble because their dress code said no spaghetti straps

My parents had a strict-ish dress code. My Mom believed education was to set me up for my future career. So I needed to look professional and respectful for my teachers. I wore a lot of Gap. No torn jeans, no heavy makeup, etc. Sure I would try and bend the rules a little, but overall I did not mind. After school and summer they were more lax. She took me on a big shopping trip before sorority rush and college. When she was in school women were only allowed to wear pants during finals week- the rest of the time skirts were required (in the 70's). Now that I think of it I doubt she appreciates my new mom wardrobe is leggings and zip up hoodies.

If my child does apply for scholarships like I did (and especially my sister who got a good chunk of school paid for) then the opinion of their teaches does matter, even in high school. I hope my daughter likes the fun preppy look that I gravitate towards.

@Anagram: omg that's insane. @T.H.O.U.: yep we coudln't have any shoulder showing as well--we could do shell-type tank tops basically.

@Mamaof2: no idea! We always joked that shoulders were a secret aphrodisiac ETA I"m guessing that just banning spaghetti straps (because too revealing) wasn't over arching enough so they just did "no shoulders allowed" instead.

@youboots: I agree in helping your child find stylish conservative clothes that they can feel confident in.

@Anagram: I really really hope that the skimpy look is out by the time our daughters are old enough to care!

@Anagram: Yeah, but just to play devil's advocate...so what? So they're uncomfortable - that's the price they pay. At 12 and 13, I think girls are old enough to have to live with those consequences. Especially if the girl's mom is ok with it.

As a woman, our clothes can be uncomfortable. A lot of stylish and trendy stuff is uncomfortable. A lot of completely appropriate business wear is uncomfortable. Heels are uncomfortable. Skirts/dresses can be uncomfortable - I am constantly worried when I wear one to work that static cling will put me in a compromising situation.

@hilsy85: To me it's more like there's something wrong with the viewer, if they think exposed shoulders are sexually explicit. Or that showing any amount of skin is "skanky".

@ShootingStar: I would guess at that age you start getting into bra straps showing, or not, and if you can say anything about that...

@loveisstrange: This is a complicated issue, and one I'm not 100% sure where I stand on (PLEASE let my daughter just prefer non-skimpy clothing so we can skip it!), but I lean towards what you're saying. The arguments about it being a "professionalism" issue make sense, but I also take some issue with what is considered professional these days and the policing of clothing choices (I've had jobs that required me to wear panty hose and heels. Um, no.), so it's just confusing. But you're not the only one on the unpopular side here!

@ShootingStar: I don't think it has anything to do with shoulders being sexy--I think it actually does hav emore to do with the "bra strap" issue, and bras are undergarments which should not really be exposed, hence no spaghetti straps, and it's easier to do a blanket "no shoulders" rule than say this width is ok but that one isn't.

As to your other point, I don't think it has anything to do with being skanky or slutty or anything. To me, school is not a place for sexualization. I get that as kids get older they do become more aware of their sexuality and want to express that. That's fine. If my kid wants to dress in short shorts and a crop top to go out to the movies or go get ice cream--that's more a difference of opinion, and I would be apt to allow it. BUT I just don't think it's appropriate at school. You are at school to learn, not to show skin or make fashion statements. Change your clothes when you get home if you want, but dress appropriately at school.

FWIW I think my schools' rules had more to do with safety and not wanting undergarments showing (i.e. short skirts and shorts could flash your underwear, bra straps could show, and flip flops are a safety hazard on stairs). @looch: yep I agree. Especially since high school and middle school are SO much about social preparation in addition to academic.

I have mixed feelings on this. I don't want my kid running around half dressed necessarily....and I don't think it means parents don't give a shit. And i've seen a lot of inappropriate clothes lately. If i can see your underwear through your pants? It's not good. It feels gross to see that on a 15 year old girl. And it's not even like I'm a 55 year old man thinking it's hot.

One, i don't think telling your kid what she/he can wear usually goes over well to an extent (age dependent, of course), and I think it's easier to say "well these are the school rules". Telling your kid he/she needs to cover up all the time can have a negative impact, too, so I worry about always saying "no that's too skanky" basically (which is how it will be construed)...my brother used to dress kinda goth and my parents rode him hard for it. And i remember feeling (and still do) that it wasn't a big deal.

Two, i had a mother who encouraged/encourages me to dress sexier and show cleavage and my legs and such. And i always did have enough common sense to know when it was appropriate (aka not at work), and I tend to be on the prude-ish side now, but I also will wear super short shorts with confidence, too. I think a lot of women are uncomfortable with their bodies and I wonder how much of that message is being put on our children. "I don't feel good in X, so you can't wear X" is what it sounds like. I don't want my kid somehow construing a message that way.

Three, fashion comes and goes. It was hot shorts in the 70's. Now it's, what, denim cut offs? I think a lot of it is just what's in style and our kids get trapped in the trends.

I dunno. I will have things that I veto. Your underwear shouldn't show, for one. But otherwise, I guess I'll worry about what E's wearing in 10 years when that bridge needs to be crossed. I realize it could be totally moot. I, personally, was so terribly uncomfortable in my body at that age, that I wore XL baggy shirts to school all the time with jean shorts!