Hellobee Boards

@Ree723: @Foodnerd81: I agree, I think that it has a lot to do with girls' self esteem, and was going to suggest that schools focus more on empowering girls than policing their bodies. But I didn't want to suggest that the OP was doing anything wrong, since I know teachers get that a lot.

My feelings on this have changed a lot since having a baby. I wear low necklines because they are easier for nursing, not to show my boobs. I wear tank tops because it's hot, not to entice male gaze. I certainly wear shorts shorter than they had to be in high school (practically knee length) because I just don't want to wear knee length shorts. I used to feel like that would be immodest or "slutty," but now I define myself more by my actions than how I dress. I think it can be a bad cycle. The hypefocus on girls' bodies and sexuality can teach boys "well it's normal to leer at them, and it's their job to cover up, I can't help myself" and girls that the most important thing about them is how they dress. I would like to teach my girls, "yes you can be smart and wear a sundress, but it's cold out so grab a sweater."

Also, for the record, I'm fine with uniforms because they can help minimize class differences. I just don't like dress codes that focus on what girls can't show (and yes, they technically apply to both sexes, but we all know they are really just for girls because they don't apply to current men's fashion.) Although there is a bit of a problem to say they can just express themselves after school, because the government doesn't have the right to infringe on free speech. If I remember right, public schools only have the ability to act in loco parentis in that regard. But again, the issue I have isn't with self expression, it's with our treatment of girls bodies.

@Truth Bombs: What would you have possibly done to fail as a parent because of your daughters clothing choices? My parents were awesome. They were conservative and moral. I didn't get away with a lot of shit my friends did. As an adult, I can't see anything my parents did wrong to make me dress like a skank. And I did! I did it behind their backs. It had absolutely nothing to do with them or the way they raised me. I knew dressing like that was inappropriate, but I wanted to do it anyway.

I find comments like yours very curious. I guess because I know kids push boundaries of all sorts and it has nothing to do with how well parented they are/were.

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While I am in favour of uniforms, I also can't say I will be really involved in what my kid wears on a day to day basis (in the event he doesn't have a uniform). However, he is a boy and I know boys are less likely to dress like skanks.

@littlebug: @jedeve: I think that is really the root of it, that bra straps (under garments) should not be showing and thy often are with tank tops. @.twist.: I think it's more of a girl thinks that's the only way to express herself, or an appropriate way to express herself in a school environment (learning environment, not a social outing), then I would worry about what she was learning, whether from me or society in general.

@T.H.O.U.: Exactly. I understand self-expression and am supportive of that. But what is that you think you're expressing about yourself in cut-off shorts and a midriff-bearing shirt?

@.twist.: Yeah, calling it a failure of parenting is a stretch. My parents weren't strict, but they had their rules and limits (I wasn't allowed to watch Three's Company or The Simpsons or wear makeup), and I don't ever recall us having a discussion about my clothing. And they did see me go out, to the under-21 clubs, in my belly shirt. I guess they chose to pick their battles. As I said in a previous post, I wore belly shirts...when it was appropriate. When I was going to an under-21 dance club with my girlfriends. Not to the movies or a coffee shop or whatever else we did on weekends, and CERTAINLY not to school. I think it was MY choice based on how I felt about wearing those shirts. Much as I don't feel like it's appropriate for me as an adult to wear a halter-style dress to work, even with a cardigan over it, I guess I didn't feel like it was appropriate as a teenager to wear belly shirts to school. I can't say for certain, but I really don't think it was a direct result of a conversation with my parents about clothing choices.