Hellobee Boards

Gifts are very important to my mum. The value doesn't matter to her at all but the "thought" is really important. I guess it's her love language?? She would totally understand if someone was cutting their budget - and a card would be just as special - but if she thought she had been forgotten it would really hurt her. As her daughter, I go out of my way to protect her feelings and will probably remind my grown up kids every year to send Nanna a gift!

I wonder if any of your relatives are like this? Or if your parents are and they are just projecting?

I feel your pain, I tried to do a secret santa exchange with my extended family and it didn't really go over well, so now we've pretty much cut out all gift giving except to children in the family. It took a long time to get there, but I do agree, when we're passing each other gift cards, what is the point?

The really hard sell is my MIL. We normally only participate during years when we are visiting, but this year,we were included. Which means people have to send each other stuff, or have it organized locally. I mean really, is this necessary? I can't wait to see what they do for us, because they can't get their acts together, so I am going along with it so as not to upset my husband.

Our first Christmas when. We're paying off our adoption we gave everyone a family picture. It kept our cost down which was nice and everyone loved having a picture with the newest little member of the family.

My mom and brother were the same way when I told them gifting wasn't something I wanted to do. My shopping list was much, much smaller, but I would go all out. Although, you aren't supposed to gift to reciprocate I was bummed by the quality of gifts I received. I also did not like receiving Christmas lists.

I'm not sure what I will do going forward, but I find adult holiday gift exchange so unnecessary. If you want something go buy it yourself. My husband is the same way as me and while he calls me a bad gifted he's so practical about "stuff" that there isn't anything left to give on Christmas morning.

I bought my mom some jewelry and maybe will get her something else. I would love to do a Secret Santa or Toys for Tots exchange, eat food and call Christmas celebrated.

@hotchildinthecity: I find this varies so much by family. I have 5 siblings and several nieces and nephews....forget about my extended family of aunts/uncles/cousins and their kids--if I add both sides of my family together, it's over 50 people. And then there's DH's family.

For many years, we (my siblings/their spouses and kids) have decided to just to a gift exchange where we each draw 1 name. And then we each buy our mom a gift.

So even though I have a HUGE family, I will only be buying my mom a gift, plus 1 other gift for the gift exchange.

For DH's side, we also do not gift extended family.....but we usually get his parents something, his sister/her husband a shared gift, and we get the kiddos something small.

I think total (our extended families, ourselves, and our LO) we spend about $600 each year. All of us do alright financially so if we really want something, we tend to buy it ourselves, so gift giving is just.....for fun I guess. I mean, we aren't gifting big ticket items someone really needs if that makes sense.

@hotchildinthecity: I love Mrs. Trains idea of the family photo. But a bunch of Ikea $1 frames, slap in a family pic, and voila! Presents.

@hotchildinthecity: the first year I scaled back without prepping my mom (didn't know I had to) she called me out on it.

It sounds like our families are similar. For my family, Christmas is all about gifts and who got the biggest, best, most expensive gift and my mom even asks everyone what their favourite present is. My SIL (married to my brother) is still completely overwhelmed with the "present culture" in my family. I personally don't like it and have been trying to implement something different for years, but I get treated like some kind of monster for even suggesting it.

ETA: Last year my SIL counted how many gifts she got from my family. It was close to 50. 50! Who needs that much stuff?!

@hotchildinthecity: My mom does the shopping trip thing too! She always tries to get me to go along but December is expensive/busy enough as it is

Ugh I hate exchanging gifts. My parents always buy me useless crap, and while I don't mind spending money on my parents I really cannot stand shopping. So, looking for a gift or trying to think of a good one year after year is very tiring. Everyone has what they need. I guess I wouldn't mind a gift certificate for a massage, but honestly I would rather they just put the money into my son's 529 plan.

We had this problem, and my parents have it worse. It's getting out of hand & no one can seem to get it under control!

My whole family gets together for Christmas. There's about 30 of us, and everyone buys for everyone. There are 10 grandchildren m&d 2 great grand kids (mine!), and the gifts are excessive. Even for my husband and I, who are in our 30s, it's excessive. And expensive. And unnecessary.

My mom has been suggesting we stop buying for anyone under 18. She suggested they do a secret Santa for the adults but no one wants to.

My aunt & uncle actually send out a wish list for themselves!

It's nuts. I think the focus ought to be on the kids. Mine & three cousins still believe in Santa and the magic should be about them, not all the adults.

We do swap names for my immediate family and gifts for kids still in school. I buy a present for my aunt on my mom's side, but nothing for extended family. On my dad's side, each of his brothers (really their wives) sends a family gift to the other brother like food or a board game.

We send presents to DH's parents and young nephew for Christmas, unless we are going there and then we *might* take gifts to all the siblings (there are 7 plus significant others and an adult niece, so about 12 total!) depending on the year and how much other stuff they have asked us to bring from the States.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. The 'culture' of gift giving and the pressure and expectations that come with it take the fun out of it. I think you are doing the right thing for your family, your thoughts and priorities are clear. I don't deal with the exact same thing, but we will often have 15-20 gifts to open each at my MIL's. It's normally just junk we can't use or return and often donate it to the local thrift shop. I let her know to please only buy for the baby now since we actually have some needs to meet. She likes having a full tree and lots of gifts to open. In my family I received 1-2 gifts from my parents most of the time it was small needed gifts, but when I really needed something like a laptop for college that baby was under the tree they also did not 'do Santa' with me, but that's a whole other conversation.