If your baby had to stay in the NICU, any tips for how to handle the transition home (without baby)? I will be discharged at the end of the day and I know it's going to be tough.
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Congrats on being discharged!!
Sadly, there isn't much that can prepare you for going home without your baby. I found that the little time I had at home was best spent trying to relax and take care of my newly post partum self (oh, and pump. all I ever did was pump!). Although I did have to get help finishing up the nursery, I tried to go easy on myself because my body was still healing. It also helped to set up a schedule so that I always knew when I was going to be seeing my baby next.
Hugs! I know how difficult it can be. Many many many tears were shed as I left the hospital. Please take care of yourself and know that your LO is in very capable and loving hands in the NICU!
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I hope your baby is home soon! Sending hugs your way...
Take tons of pictures and get the number to the nicu, I called every time I pumped and got an update on him. Pumping was how I dealt, it made me feel in control of SOMETHING and like I was a part of his care, even when I couldn't be there.
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It's hard to leave your baby no matter what. When DS was in the NICU a friend of ours who also had a NICU baby reached out to DH and said that the first time leaving is the hardest and to just support me and let me cry. DH just let me be sad and didn't try to fix it by reminding me we were coming back in a few hours. When I was home I pumped and tried to rest. The NICU nurses were awesome and filled me I whenever I called even if I had just been there. They also encouraged me to take breaks from visiting to make sure I could rest too. It was nice to know they were understanding and cared about me as well and weren't judging the fact that I wasn't there all the time. I still remember the morning he came home I called in before we left to visit and the nurse said, "I think Desmond would like to come home today!" I cried and was so happy to pick up my baby! Wishing you the best and a short NICU stay for your LO.
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@petunia354: @Applesandbananas: thank you ladies
this helps me so much
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@creativemomma15: thank you! I love that you have that extra special memory of his coming home day. And my DH is also a "fixer" so that's great advice for him.
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I agree with what everyone said here... Remember to take care of yourself and allow yourself to heal. It's ok to reach out for support when you need it and let people do things for you if they offer. Take lots of pics of baby and look at them while pumping. It helped me with my milk production and I loved looking at my little peanut. Kangaroo care and skin on skin is amazing and powerful and if you can, do that as often as possible when you visit your LO. Will be thinking of you.
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My LO was in the NICU for 10 days and it was the worst time of my life. I cried every day. I don't have any advice but I'm sending you big hugs. Try and do what's best for you. For me that was pretty much living at the hospital so I could spend as much time with LO as I could. The day LO was released was the happiest day of my life, so there are extreme ups and downs. I hope your LOs NICU journey is short and uneventful. Lots of hugs.
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Man, it sucks. It sucks bad. I was so sad to leave the hospital but all we did was go home, have dinner, watch baseball, and go to bed super early so that we could be back at the hospital at 9am. For myself, I did try to enjoy one small thing, and that was a post partum herb bath. It felt so nice (especially after all the walking at the hospital, sitting on uncomfortable chairs.....i felt like it took me awhile to heal down there simply because I WASN'T just at home all day sitting with E) and the warm herb+sea salt bath felt so good down there.
The nurses were great. Every night around 10pm, I could call and check in and see how she was doing that evening. I hope your LO comes home soon!
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@Ctran: our hospital is big on skin to skin and are waiting for him to be stable enough for us to hold him. maybe today! thanks for the reminder of how important that is. I will make it a priority to ask about it every time we get to visit
@littlek: I'm sorry you had to go through this too. You are definitely right about the roller coaster of emotions. Thank you for sharing. This helps me so much.
@blackbird: the bath is a great idea or something else for myself. I know I will be moving more than if I was home with a newborn so that is a great reminder not to expect too much from my body.
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@jhd: We are here for you. There are quite a few of us that had LOs with NICU stays.
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Agree with previous posters - even though I hated pumping, it made me feel like I was doing something productive. I'm not sure what your NICU visiting hours are, but we used to stay until around 8 every night and leave when she fell asleep so there was some sense of normalcy, like we were still in charge of bedtime. We also brought her swaddle blankets and binkie from home, so it felt a little less clinical. And the NICU nurses are amazing and have no problem taking phone calls, so we would often call in the middle of the night to check on her when I was up pumping. As for the moment you leave, it's just hard and I'm not sure you can prepare for it, but you'll get through it.
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@jhd: I'm so sorry that you're having to face going home while Toby stays in NICU. No advice but I am thinking of you and hoping Toby will be home soon!
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@jhd: I have no tips. Hugs mama
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Even though I was discharged they gave me a "family" room in be nicu to stay in. It was a windowless room, small with nothing but a bed and was so depressing. I was a hormonal mess and I could only hold LO to feed so most of the time I was just sitting in the room by myself for hours since dh had to go back to work.
In the end what helped was leaving to go home, taking a shower, sleeping in my own bed (getting some last uninterrupted Zzzs!) and going back and forth to the hospital to visit, feed her and cuddle when able. My mom basically forced me to but it was the best thing for my mental health. I'm not saying it was easy (it wasn't!) but taking care of myself helped me to take care of her. Luckily we live only 5 mins from the hospital so it was easy to come and go frequently throughout the day.
But it felt strange every time I walked out of the hospital without my baby. People would see me and ask where my baby was...cue hormonal mess tears.
Hope your baby is home soon with you. Sending you lots of love!!
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No advice but big hugs and I'll be thinking of you and baby
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Hugs!
I would say, pump, pump, pump and take good care of yourself. Something I did was make a special sign with LO's name and pictures of DH and I (laminated) for LO's isolette. I also took lots of pictures of LO so I could look at them while I pumped.
Even though you will be constantly thinking of LO, try to take time to do something nice for yourself!
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First, congrats on LO's arrival. I am really sorry that you have to leave before LO is able to go home with you. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do was leave our boys in the NICU after I was discharged. I was really struggling that afternoon, and a nurse pulled me aside and said it was okay to feel terrible about leaving and that it was okay to be upset. She told me to give myself permission to feel the "wrongness" of leaving my babies. But then she said to remember that they would be in great hands and that all the nurses and staff would be "guarding and watching over them" until I came back the next morning. Hearing someone tell me it was okay to feel like it was just wrong and have "permission" to cry, but be reassured that even while I wasn't there someone was standing in my place made me feel a teeny bit better. The first day was by far the most difficult and it got a little more "normal" after that. I definitely looked at a lot of pictures of them (especially while I was pumping). Also, if you just can't relax, it's okay to call the NICU and just ask for an update and if LO is doing okay. Depending on what the NICU hours are and how long you anticipate LO being in the NICU, you may be able to still spend most of your time there. We basically would leave and go out to eat during the hour in the evening that visitors weren't allowed (during shift change); that gave us something to distract us and it was nice to be able to eat out since we knew we wouldn't be doing that much in the coming weeks. Then we would go back and stay until after their 11:00 hands-on time. We would go home around 12:30 and then come back at 8 after the hour they were closed to visitors in the morning. Other than that, we pretty much just camped out there, but I know that wouldn't be feasible long term.
Oh, and I always took home a blanket that had been wrapped around each of them. I could smell them on it and I slept with it to help make me feel more like I was next to them. It also really helped to hold that close to my face while pumping at home.
Hope your LO comes home soon!
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no advice, just lots of hugs! I hope Toby can come home soon
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Ds stayed in the hospital a week after I got discharged but they let me keep my room so I have no advice. I only left to get food and I felt enormous amounts of guilt so I can understand how sad you'll feel. Just make sure you get some rest!
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Sending you strength, Mama
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I agree with the posters above, take care of yourself (sleep, eat). Keep a religious pumping schedule.
It really felt weird going to the NICU at first and I was afraid to call or ask to talk to the charge nurse or doctors, but I suggest doing all of that right away. Having a routine makes it easier. Also, pick up a special item or two to leave with your baby at the NICU...it always made me feel a little better about not being there. (I survived 143 days, so ask me anything!)
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agree with everybody, great ideas.
The only way through is through! You can do this. Your LO is in the best place he can be right now, and taking care of yourself so you can take care of him is important. Best wishes for both of you.
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@littlek: @beaker: @Mrs Green Grass: @LovelyPlum: @Ash: @nana87: @Mrs. Blue: @Ginabean3: @char54: @sandy: @Madison43: @twodoghouse: @locavore_mama: I don't know if I tagged everyone but ladies, seriously, thank you for your words of kindness. I made it through the first night. I'm pumping but still haven't gotten anything at all. Goal for today is to pump pump pump and I should hopefully get to do an hour of skin to skin when I go to visit. I held him for the first time yesterday afternoon. DH and I talked to him. DH videoed the whole thing and I watched it before bed. They may try to take him off the ventilator today and see if he can breathe on his own.
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These are wonderful ideas and I am so grateful for your help!
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Oh i hope so!!!!!
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Little E was in the NICU for 13 days. When I was released they offered me a family room but I declined. I spent pretty much all my time at the hospital or pumping. It is hard but I built a great relationship with the nursing staff at the hospital. I also had them on speed dial so I could call whenever I needed to check on him. My family was great support for Dh,N, and I. My mum looked after N so I could be there all the time. I know it isn't easy to leave, but remember it is ok to cry and be upset. To be honest when I would go up to the hospital and watch other people leave with their babies I was pretty resentful. Just know that everything your feeling is valid.
Big hugs momma!
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@jhd: Good luck taking him off the vent! That's a huge step! (And I totally second Petunia's comment below...it's really common to come on and off the vent right at the beginning. Don't be discouraged if it takes awhile.)
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I'm thinking of you guys and hoping that today goes really well! If not, just know that it will happen eventually, sometimes these kids just need a little more time. Take care of yourself!!
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they decided to wait until today to try to take him off the ventilator. he got great rest yesterday. each time we see him he looks stronger and he is definitely a fighter. i'm finally relaxing a tiny bit and hoping it will be enough to get my milk in. so far just a drop!
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@jhd: Glad to hear he was able to rest yesterday! I'm sure his little body needed it. You guys will be in my thoughts today. Your milk will come in, try not to stress too much about it. Sounds like you have a good attitude about it though!
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@jhd: it took daaaayssss for me to pump anything of substance. Until then, I would literally scrape the sides of flange to gather my drops and then give it to her with a medicine dropper. It will come! Glad your little guy is getting some good rest - don't forget to rest yourself.
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@jhd: yay baby T! I hope that the ventilator goes very smoothly. Now the next question is, is MAMA getting any rest? Go easy on yourself-your milk will come. You're doing great, lady
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@petunia354: @Madison43: thanks ladies. I'm trying to stay positive about the milk. I feel like the nurses are putting lots of pressure on me about the milk. I can't force my body & hopefully it will do what it needs at the right time!
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@LovelyPlum: thank you! I'm trying. I really can't sleep until I get to the crash point. But I'm relaxing as best I can. I did sleep much better last night. I hope Miss G is being good to her mama. Hugs to you!
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@jhd: that's great! Hopefully he will be able to be off the ventilator soon.
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@jhd: Remember, each and every drop counts! Those initial drops are so potent they are great for him! Keep up the great work!
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@jhd: pressure doesn't help milk production! My best pumping advice is pump every 3 hours. Get a hands-free bra!! Drink lots of water. It's totally normal to have a really slow start. Every drop is worth it!
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@littlek: @Mrs Green Grass: @T.H.O.U.: thanks ladies.
we will get there I know but it's just so much to learn all at once.
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@jhd: How do you feel with the pump? Did they take time to show you how to use it?
this helps me so much
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