Just got in the car to head home from my hubbys family Christmas. I spent yesterday with his niece, whose parents wont even take her to the dentist after mil fought their mom to get them signed up for gov. Healh care and his cousins kid. His cousin was 16 when she had her and now has a precious 7 month old with a man I'm pretty sure has PTSD or some other mental health issue, and no one is trying to help him, they just talk ahout how grumpy he is. Neither one of them are employed. The cousin also spent the evening talking about how desperately she wants to get her tubes tied. Anyways, at least I was prepared for that...but then in walks his other cousin who got married 2 years ago, then got divorced and moved in with her girlfriend and now is back with her ex...and guess what...pregnant.

Then we open gifts...out of the 8 grandkids, 6 grown, hubs is the only one that can support himself which apparently means we arent worthy of gifts like the others. I realize that they do need the help but I was already an emotional mess and even though it shouldnt it just felt like a slap in the face. His grandma did get us gifts, there was just no comparison to the other grandkids...not even dhs sister and her husband that couldn't even be bothered to come.

I hate that I feel this way, I hate being jealous and I hate not feeling grateful
At least we only see them once a year, maybe, except for his grandma who has been the most positive familial relationship hubs has had. Maybe next time I'll be the pregnant one. Were supposed to find out tomorrow the results from my first progesterone test.