I don't have anything black for DD (18 mo) except for leggings. I could do black leggings with a navy shirt; or navy skort & navy shirt. Or I can try to find something, but not sure if it's as important for kids to be dressed "appropriately"? But I will buy her a new dress/outfit & shoes if I need to.
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Anything is fine - just make sure they are comfortable
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I would do something dressy if you have it but not worry about the color. I'd really just avoid characters or loud "happy" graphics.
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@snowjewelz: Asian or Americans funeral?
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I would say something dressy that isn't super bright or floral is fine.
Apparently a solid black dress code isn't really required even for adults anymore.
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@regberadaisy: Asian but it's at a church/Christian ceremony.
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@T.H.O.U.: Yeah, I myself actually rarely wear all black, but it's very easy for adults to dress very muted/understated-ly.
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@snowjewelz: this is a hard question for me to answer. Traditional Chinese funerals we wear white and kids get some leeway but not as much as American funerals. I'm not sure what changes in a Chinese church funeral?
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@regberadaisy: I know dress code is def not as strict; the last Chinese Christian funeral I went to, most people still more or less work dark clothes.
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Do you have anything in purple? I think that's a generally accepted mourning color nowadays.
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@snowjewelz: my grandmother died recently and we brought my 3.5 year old and my 6 month old. My grandmother loved the ocean so I put my kids in matching white smocked outfits with sailboats in muted colors. They were formal, but understated, and with a nod to what my grand mother loved. Everyone said they were dressed perfectly. So I would dress her formally, but it doesn't have to be dark colors (though I would avoid something like fuschia or bright orange, etc).
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White is acceptable in my culture. As long as the dress or outfit is dressy/ formal she can wear whatever color.
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@looch: I do for her! That;s interesting... Thankfully I haven't attended many funerals in recent years so I have no idea what the norm is! And esp with kids! I never paid attention before...
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I have no experience with Asian ceremonies, but I took my 3.5 yr old and 19 month old to a funeral last week. I don't think it matters what they wear as long as they look respectable. No one was expecting my toddlers to own black shifts. Mine wore coordinating black and white striped Mud Pie outfits they already owned. They each had a big daisy that was rather happy for a funeral, but two different people told me they looked lovely, for whatever that's worth. The time before that, my toddler wore a color blocked emerald and black dress with a Dalmatian print onesie under it.
I'm sorry for your loss.
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@Truth Bombs: that is so wonderful and so perfect. she def has a lot of dressy dresses so i'm glad to have those options.
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@rattles: That's what I hope; that people understand that kids, esp young kids won't have black or even dark clothes!
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For the funerals that I have attended with DD, I just dressed her in a nice outfit with no bright colors. No one expects little kids to have solid black formal attire.
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DD wore a gray and white polka dot dress to one funeral and a navy lace one to another and wore sparkly pink sperry's with them. I don't think color matters as much for toddlers. As an infant, she wore a lavender dress to my grandmothers funeral since it was her favorite color.
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So sorry for your loss.
The norm at the Asian church funerals I've attended is to wear dark colors, but kids weren't necessarily in black. I unfortunately don't know at all how much this generalizes.
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I would suggest running out and buying black comfortable clothes. We took the eldest, 5, to a funeral and had him wear gray corduroys with a black dress shirt. It was an americanized chinese funeral so most people were in suits/dark color clothing. I saw a 10-12 year old in blue jeans and white tshirt and just silently smh in my mind. I generally don't bring young kids to a funeral since they can't keep still or quiet. But if it was immediate family, of course, I would ensure that all were in attendance.
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@chopstixwife: Jeans and white tee for a pre-teen is def not that appropriate to me!
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C has only been to the funeral of her grandmother at 3. We took the approach of something related to grandmother. It was a pastel cheery dress. No one looked down their nose. And most welcomed her joyful mess as she did not get the heaviness of the occasion. I think it somewhat depends on the deceased and the relationship.
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I would do something nice-ish and not particularly bright/loud colors. I think either of the options you suggested would be fine, or you would be fine to do one of her dressier dresses. But, honestly, kids pretty much get a pass. At my grandma's funeral 4 years ago, my cousin's 6yo boy wore dark workout pants and a long sleeved shirt. He has some minor sensory issues and would've spent all day throwing a fit & making everyone miserable if she had forced him to wear something more "formal" that he was uncomfortable in. It was a little odd, but no one really cared. Ultimately it was about family being together and paying their respects.
Both funerals that I took K to (she was 3mo and 9mo), she just wore dresses that she already had.
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I don't think it matters. I vote dressy over black.
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23 comments