Just wanted to see if anyone was interested in being part of a traumatic birth support thread?
For example everything is fine with baby but what you experience was bad.
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After my birth experience with K, I felt the after effects of shock and trauma for several months. I know now that what I experienced was nothing compared to what some people have, but for me, it was terrifying and traumatic. I'm worried about giving birth in another 8-10 weeks, because I'm afraid the memories will come back.
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@Mrs. Oatmeal: *big hugs* That sounds tough! I hope this birth goes way more smoothly!
I think trauma is different for everyone.
I thought I went through something pretty bad. I had internal bleeding after my c-section so I was rushed off to another surgery because I lost a ton of blood. It took me a while to process everything that happened to me. I told a co-worker about it and she was understanding about the whole thing but she recently told me what I went through wasn't bad ... it's not like someone died. That was a bit hurtful!
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I had a precipitous labor, which means less than two hours from start to finish. I didn't know until I poked around online afterward that it is very common to have feelings of post-trauma and shock after a precipitous birth. I sobbed every time I recalled my birth for weeks afterward, including nearly breaking down the morning after when I heard a woman in labor pain in the next room. It was really super hearing so many people tell me what an easy birth I had since it was so short. I was in total shock afterward, to the point where bonding with my baby was delayed a ton. I don't remember really feeling connected to her for a long time.
A friend of mine who had a precipitous birth over a year prior to mine told me that she burst out sobbing just from hearing how short my labor was. So it's not unusual for precipitous birth trauma to linger.
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@PawPrints: I had two precipitous births...my first was less than 2 hours and my second was less than 30 minutes. My second was less traumatic than the first even though the circumstances of the 2nd were way crazier than the first!
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For a long time after giving birth I felt kind of...violated...by all the procedures and things that were done to me and rough hands in private places, etc. But at the same time I felt kind of silly because I know that people go through much worse. But it was hard for me to be touched for a long time after. And I have a ton of anxiety around being examined again.
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@ShootingStar: me too, 3 years later
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I had a traumatic delivery and I am still processing it two years later. I hemorrhaged during the c-section and lost consciousness while on the operating room table. I didn't get to even see or hold my babies until several hours later and was completely out of it for several days. I ended up needing a transfusion because I had lost so much blood, plus I had to be on magnesium sulfate for 48 hours post delivery due to pre-ecclemsia. It took weeks to start to have any energy back, my recovery from the surgery took even longer and I am so terrified of the entire thing that I am not sure I want to have any more children just because of how awful it was.
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I had been planning for a homebirth with no interventions and ended up with: pre-e, PPROM, premature delivery, mag for the pre-e, pitocin to keep labor going (that they never told me they hung), an epidural, a 33weeker, and post-partum hemorrhaging that the doctor ended up up to to her elbow in my bits to "sweep" my uterus free of huge clots while another woman put all her weight on my uterus from the outside. I have never felt such pain in my life. It was worse than labor. I screamed and they told me to be quiet because I was scaring other patients. I didn't see my son until he was almost 24 hours old and didn't hold him until he was 3 days old. I didn't feel like a mom. Everyone kept telling me to be grateful that he and I were both healthy, and that I should stop telling my story because it scares people... But I need to talk about it - to process it and grieve it.
And I wonder now if any of what my body went through delivering C is what's causing our unexplained secondary IF.
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I think the most frustrating part about having a traumatic birth experience is everyone dismissing your feelings because you ended up fine and so did your baby.
I feel like mine pales in comparison to some of the above, but after 2 hours of pushing, I developed a fever from the medications I was on. I had an emergency C-section, and LO had meconium in his lungs. He needed to be resuscitated and had a 0 APGAR score at 1 minute and only a 7 at 5 minutes. They wrapped him up enough to let me give him a kiss, and they whisked him away to the NICU. I didn't see him for 6 hours, and only got to see him once that day for about 40 minutes. The next morning, I woke up and just started to cry because I didn't have him with me. I cried every day for a long time thinking back at my birth experience with him.
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@PawPrints: @matador84: I also had a precipitous labor with my first, and I had PTSD afterwards. And the pain was immeasurable. I couldn't even go back in my bathroom where it all began. No one understands. Even my own mother still talks about how lucky I am. I am now pregnant with my second, and the doctors want to induce me at 37 weeks (since that is when I went into labor with LO). I really don't want to do that, and we are considering renting an apartment close to the hospital for the month prior to the due date (our apartment is about 45 minutes away). It's nice to have the company of others who've gone through that.
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While less traumatic than many others, I still have anxiety over LO's birth. Two failed epidural placements (that I had never planned to have at all...but back labor prevailed), nearly passing out during the first and ending up on oxygen for a short time, LO's heart rate dropping later due to accidental IV placement of epidural meds...I thought we were stable and settled, then he comes out with lungs full of fluid, I saw him for 30 seconds before he was taken away and eventually whisked off to the NICU for a week due to sepsis. I didn't hold my son for 24 hours. I didn't see him again until about 8 hours after he was born. When I did seen him, he was under an oxygen hood and breathing rapidly in a very scary way. I thank God and the hospital staff every day for getting my son home safely, but I was completely unprepared for what happened when he was born. I'm terrified of the next baby ending up in the NICU.
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I had never been in a hospital as a patient before. I had a 43 hour long emergency induction due to pre e. My epidural failed, there were some issues with the nursing staff, I got a fever, pushed for 4 hours etc. The day after we were discharged T did not have a wet diaper for 12 hours and we went to the emergency room. Someone died next door while we were there- it was just frosted glass. Ultimately she got an IV and was transferred via ambulance to the local PICU. It was enough for me to get back on birth control and reconsider a second child. I often hesitate to call it traumatic. I did see a therapist 1x a week from about 10 weeks pregnant on because I had a lot of fear around giving birth, so I was able to talk it thru with her afterwards. We are doing great- the babe is 4.5 months and super healthy. So I am grateful. But the whole medical experience was very upsetting to me and I still ruminate & have invasive thoughts about it.
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@2PeasinaPod: << I think the most frustrating part about having a traumatic birth experience is everyone dismissing your feelings because you ended up fine and so did your baby. >>
YES.
I don't really want to rehash my birth experience completely but it was horrible and I was traumatized and struggled to bond with my daughter at first. I'm sorry you are going through this @Raindrop, and everyone else. It has gotten a lot better with time, though.
One thing I told myself that helped so much was that when LO was 1 week old, her birth and the experience in the hospital was 1/3 of her life and my time with her. So, it was huge. But as she got older and we experienced more together, it became less and less important because it was a smaller part of my overall story as her mom. It doesn't take away the pain and trauma but it is so much easier when your birth is not such a huge part of your time as a mom.
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Traumatic delivery here, too. My son is now 2.5 and I am pregnant with number two and terrified of labor.
My water spontaneously ruptured at 33 weeks. Called my OB office and was sent to L&D, the doctor on call, who i had never met, didn't show up for another hour. At that point I had no contractions, just constant leaking (the nurses by that time had confirmed it was amniotic fluid). The first thing the OB said was "I'm not sure if I should do a cervical check since it may put you into active labor, but i just want to see if you dialated." I wasn't, but I immediately went into active labor, intense contactions at 1-3 minutes a part. At that point I was put on magnesium (uuuughhh) and was told the hospital was not equipped for a preemie and an ambulance wold transport me to another hospital. another hour later the ambulance arrived. They wouldn't let my husband come with me syaing there wasnt room, there was. ON transport I felt the urge to push, but didnt say anything since I was only with the EMT. When we got to the other hospital 20 minutes later, the medical staff had no idea how close I was to delivering and there was insanity with my room filling with NICU nurses and respiratory therapists. They had been told my the OB that she was sure the magnesium would stop my labor. Well, 20 minutes after getting to the second hospital my son was born, my husband made it just in time. My son was immediately taken for chest compressions. He did great in the NICU, was there for about a month.
I know going forward to advocate for myself, and I have switched hospitals to one with a NICU, but I am still petrified. A day that should have been joyful and full of celebration was by far the scariest thing I have ever dealt with.
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I think it's really important to emphasize that traumatic birth is YOUR experience and that no one else's story should make you feel like yours is less traumatic or that you shouldn't share because others might have a "worse" story than you think yours should be considered. Does that make sense?
Birth is an individual experience, and for each of us on this thread it was traumatic and awful and not what we planned for or wanted.
Support and believing that your feelings are valid and important is huge. I support all of you! Your feelings and fears and hurts are real and should be acknowledged. It is easy for our partners / family / friends / doctors / nurses to tell us to be grateful that everyone is ok now because they didn't experience what we did. Tune them out. They're wrong. It's important to grieve and to acknowledge your feelings around what happened to you and your baby. I wish none of us had to be here, but <hugs> for every one of you!
<steps down off soapbox>
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I wouldn't call my labor traumatic, but I did have injured hips due to falls during my pregnancy that made pushing really scary and painful. I couldn't get my legs up and I couldn't hold them back and I couldn't get my nurse to take me seriously. I was very scared and in a ton of pain, despite the epidural. I ended up with an episiotomy and a vacuum assist, because I had no idea how I would be able to push for any longer than absolutely necessary. My hips were rotating as I pushed, and it was agony. LO is safe and healthy, as am I now, but I am very, very nervous about how my still sore hips might be able to handle that kind of pressure again. I want to get pregnant, but it is really scary to think about.
I know that I have a very, very mild story compared to so many. Sending
to you all
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@PawPrints: *Big hugs* Thank you for sharing. I'm glad you found someone you could connect with about it! I'm still struggling with finding someone that kind of understands.
@ShootingStar: Yes! I know what you are talking about. I don't know why hospital's treat pregnant women so roughly.
@Trailmix: Okay we have the same story. I didn't have pre-ecclemsia but everything else you said was what I went through. I lost so much blood that my OBGYN told me that none of the blood in my body was mine. *big hugs* Thank you for sharing!
@ballerinabee: Thank you for sharing! *bigger hugs* Your story made me cry! Yes to the last part... everyone is telling me how happy I should be because LO is healthy and now I am healthy. Sorry you are going through secondary IF.
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@2PeasinaPod: "I think the most frustrating part about having a traumatic birth experience is everyone dismissing your feelings because you ended up fine and so did your baby. " <- YES!!
*big hugs* Thank you for your story.
@drjolene: Thanks for sharing! *hugs*
@daniellemybelle: Thank you for that, it is true... the more experiences we have the less that *that* was such a big part of LO's life and our story. Thank you!
@SwanSong: Yes! Switch hospitals. Thank you for sharing that story. *hugs*
@ballerinabee: Thanks.
@LovelyPlum: Thank you for sharing your story! I don't think it was mild! *hugs*
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Thanks everyone for sharing again. I was having a rough day.
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Yes-glad this board exists as I know how incredibly lucky I am that my son is okay, but the experience was really traumatizing. I'll type up my story once I'm not on my phone.
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So I had my annual today and totally freaked out. I made it through the pap but when she went to examine my uterus and ovaries I completely lost it and told her she had to stop touching me.
She was very nice and said I was well within my rights. I just feel broken.
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@raindrop: Thank you for starting this thread. My LO#2 is now 7 days old and I have been desperate for an outlet or way to process what happened.
@2peasinapod: YES! All the doctors and nurses kept saying "your baby is doing great, so that's all that matters" In the end it is the most important thing, but it is not ALL that matters.
With LO#1 I had a C/S and the recovery was horrible. I had severe pain for 3 weeks afterwards and had to take pain killers the whole time. I didn't want LO to be exposed to so much (I was BFing) but I couldn't even move without them. This time I was desperate for a VBAC because the C/S was so rough. I didn't go into labor on my own so the OB allowed me to have in induction with a Cook catheter at 41 weeks. Getting the catheter in was so painful I cannot even describe. I then labored for 36 horrible hours and made it to 9cm and stopped progressing and ended up having another C/S. I was totally crushed. I had spend 2 days away from my LO1 for induction only to be cut open again and now would not be able to pick up LO1 for 6 weeks! I was in tears and we rolled into the OR, thinking of the pain that was to come in recovery and thinking about my LO1, but wanting to do what was best for LO2. Then they started the C/S and my uterus tore vertically causing a large hemorrhage. Because of this they were pulling and yanking rapidly giving me tons of pressure on my diaphragm, I felt like I couldn't breath for several minutes. Then I got sick and could not stop getting sick while they were working. I have never been so scared in my life. I ended up being in the hospital for 5 days which was SO hard on LO1. Now I am home and trying to care for the toddler and newborn while not being able to lift my toddler. DH and I always thought we would have three kids, and I may feel differently as time goes on, but for now there is no way I can ever go through labor or a C/S again. -
Thank you for sharing, ladies. I hadn't realized how much it might help me to get some thoughts in writing about my labor and delivery.
Short story: LO got stuck, aspirated meconium and had to be resuscitated, spent five days on a ventilator, and spent 7 weeks in the NICU including a helicopter transport to a larger children's hospital and surgery (unrelated to meconium aspiration).
Many people told me "He will never remember this" and that's true, but I felt like they were telling me that I should be able to forget it. And I can't.
He's now a very healthy 14 month old, but I still struggle with some emotions regarding his birth. I always wanted two children, but as of right now we can't even begin to think about it.
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@daniellemybelle: I love what you said about having more and more experiences together. I have definitely found that to be true.
@ballerinabee: thank you for your encouraging words
i'm sorry people told you to stop telling your story and glad you shared it here!@2PeasinaPod: "I think the most frustrating part about having a traumatic birth experience is everyone dismissing your feelings because you ended up fine and so did your baby." YES YES YES! And I think because people have said this I have dismissed my own feelings and I'm trying to deal with them now that more time has passed.
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My first birth was awful! I was in labor for weeks. Would have intense contractions for about an hour and then it would stop. Walked around at 3cm for weeks. Water broke a week past my due date. Labored for 10 hrs and pushed for 2.5. He was 9.8 lbs and was in an oblique position. The nurse had me in crazy positions trying to get him to flip. Which I felt very weird having the nurse sitting at the end of the bed for almost 10 hours with her hands al over me. Finally ended up having a full episitomy. The doctor had to reach in and flip the baby head down and on his tummy. Even with the epidural I was screaming during the flip. They took the baby for hours from me which wasn't needed as he was fine. Almost perfect apgar rating. 4 weeks post I ripped my stitches open and had to have them redone. Which meant not getting released for 6 more weeks!
It was awful and I dreaded having another baby. But I went for it and this birth was awesome! I'm 2 weeks post and feel great! I was at 3 cm and we induced 2 weeks early to prevent having another 9+ lb baby. I labored in the hospital for 3 hours and pushed 5 times and he was out. Had very little tearing but that was nothing compared to the full episotomy. I hope my story helps some of you conquere the fear of having a repeat birth. -
@turkeylurkey: I'm so glad your second birth experience was so much better! Congrats on your new LO!
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@ShootingStar: I'm glad your OB was nice to you about it. You were definitely in your rights.
@TiredmommaMD: Thank you for sharing your story! I feel the same way... we originally really wanted a third but there might not be a chance for us to have a third and even if in 3-4 years my OB clears me for having a third I'm not sure if I want to go through the process again... though I love my kids so much and having another does sound lovely but whole being pregnant and giving birth again scares the sh1t out of me.
@jhd: *big hugs* Thank you for sharing your story. Yes! I wanted another kid but not so sure anymore.
@turkeylurkey: Thank you so much for sharing this and giving people hope that they can have a better birth next time around!
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My first I wanted to have a straightforward vaginal birth, but she was breech so I had a c-section. I was really freaked out about the c-section, but then it went super well, she bfed right away, I was hardly in any pain, never had to take painkillers, and was good to resume activities quickly.
I got pregnant with LO#2, and decided to have a VBAC because we wanted 3 or 4 so it was the safer option. I had (another) HG pregnancy, went 41 weeks, and had to do a foley catheter induction. The induction sucked a bit, and didn't really work, but they were able to break my water the second day. Then I went into active labour, which caused me to throw up over all the drugs I was taking for HG, which was upsetting. Laboured for another 20 hours with a partially working epidural, finally at 10 cms. I started to push, then baby got stuck. Pushed for 3 hours, then they gave me an episiotomy, which still didn't work, so she was a vacuum assist, which caused third degree tearing. After all of this, they were stitching me up for a long time, but kept being concerned about my uterus not contracting back down quickly enough. After a few hours of me laying there with various people poking me and frowning, a big team came in, gave me gas and air, and then manually evacuated my uterus, which was very unpleasant to say the least. Finally everything seemed to be turning a corner to being done, and then all of the sudden I got extremely cold. I had developed some type of postpartum infection, so that necessitated 3 days in the hospital for major doses of antibiotics. I was in the hospital for a week and away from my LO. And I was still vomiting from the HG for weeks after the birth. Oh, and I broke my tailbone during the birth. So overall a bad experience, especially compared to my first!
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@Rockies11: That sounds tough! Sorry you went through that. *big hugs* Thank you for sharing your story.
Do you mind if I ask (you don't have to answer) - How long ago was that? Are you feeling okay now?
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I keep coming back to this thread, it's comforting to know other people went through this sort of trauma. I just started working with a therapist and spent a session on the delivery experience, it's been 2 years and I am still dealing with it!
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@Raindrop: My LO #2 is 12 weeks old. I am doing okay now - physically only the tailbone is still really bothering me. I think mentally I am doing much better than I was - it was very tough for the first couple of months, and I am not an easily traumatized person. I still find myself telling my birth story to people that aren't totally appropriate to tell it to, so I think I am still really processing it.
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I've been meaning to post on this thread but not wanting to even share my story. I have decided to try for #2 but only because I will be having a C Section. I wouldn't even consider having another child if I had to go thru what happened with lo#1's labor & delivery. When I get more time I will share my experience
Thanks for creating this thread though
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I had a very traumatic delivery, although don't feel up to going through the details because I'm currently 29 weeks pregnant with LO2. I'm hoping for a VBAC, but don't know if I can handle the trauma again as much as the recovery would likely be easier than a RCS. I'm kinda hoping this baby ends up breech and I have to have a RCS without any decision being made by me. Thinking of you all.
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@TiredmommaMD: Holy cow...it's bad enough to have one birth not go as planned, but your second sounds horrific. I'm so sorry!
@Rockies11: A broken tailbone...can't imagine having to deal with that, a toddler, and a newborn. I'm so sorry to hear about your story too!
It definitely keeps coming back to...it is very important that both LO and you ended up being fine in the end, but feelings are valid. No one should be able to tell you how you should feel about your birth experience.
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While neither of my births went exactly as planned I can also say that they were in no way traumatic. However, I want to thank the person that started this thread. It has truly opened my eyes and made me more sensitive to those who have had traumatic experiences.
I know two women very close to me who have traumatic birth experiences and while I wouldn't say I've dismissed their feelings, I definitely haven't given them the full credit they deserve. By nature, I'm a glass half full type of person so it would be easy for me to say "hey you and the baby ended up healthy so everything is ok". Reading this post made me realize that is not the case at all. Hearing about the lingering negative feelings some of you still have years later and experiences being described as PTST really opened my eyes.
So thanks again for this post and all who have shared their stories. I'll be much more sensitive to birth stories in the future.
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@Trailmix: I hope going to therapy helps! It took me a long time to admit I needed to talk to someone. I'm so glad I went to therapy. Like everyone said here... everyone kept telling me I should be fine, baby and I are healthy and great but it was still very tough for me. I felt really alone and when I finally went to therapy it was such a relief to be validated for having my feelings.
@Rockies11: I told a lot of people my birth story too! Probably more than I should have. I think I was just searching for validation from someone or maybe to know I wasn't alone... I thought the more I shared ... that maybe someone would have a similar story to me or could relate. I'm glad you are mostly recovered, I hope your tail bone feels better soon!
@jh524: No pressure! I don't think you need to share your full story to get support. I think with this thread... just knowing I'm not alone in my feelings has really helped me.
@ChelseaRose: Thinking of you also! I hope your current birth goes more smoothly.
@linzeelou: I'm glad this thread is helping people without terrible birth experiences too!
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@linzeelou: thanks for popping on to say this! I think it is a very thoughtful and sensitive way to respond to what you have read here. I'm totally a glass half full person too- so I'm torn about even calling my birth traumatic. But lingering evasive thoughts and major fear about having a second make it a real issue that may change my life and that's something I need to acknowledge and have others at least be a little empathetic to.
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Wanted to revive this.
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@pastemoo: thanks for bumping this thread. it was very helpful to me to read about others' experiences and now looking back on my own post from a year ago i can see that i have come a long way since last summer!
to you all
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