Whoa, the boards have been extra slow in the last week. I'm hoping to get some good participation here 
This question comes from what I was reading on another website the other day. A few people were saying that because they have been together for a long time with their partners, they have made an effort to try new things in bed (nothing crazy, just new positions or toys or something). DH and I have been together for 14 years. When we have sex, it's great, but it's also very predictable at this point. Generally the same stuff in about the same order. It got me thinking - should we be trying new stuff to keep things interesting? And at first I thought, well it's working for both of us, so who cares. And because of life, we don't have sex super often (like once a month or so), so there's not a lot of opportunity to test out something new that might not work for us. But then I pictured having this exact same sex for the next 20 years and was like, whoa - no. That sounds so boring. (an important related note is that DH is definitely not adventurous in bed and probably doesn't care at all if we don't do anything new). So my question is - do you consciously try new things in bed not because what you're doing isn't good, but just for the sake of keeping things interesting? How do you think it impacts your sex life?
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DH really made an effort last year to switch things up a bit... bought me some sexy lingerie last year (more for him) and a 'toy' for the bedroom (more for me). We will occasionally try new positions, or watch porn together.
I think after so long together (14 years for us too) it made it more exciting again, less 'vanilla'. We've always been at least once a week, usually 2 or 3 times. (hasn't increased the frequency of our sex life, but definitely makes it more fun).
Valentines day is coming up so it'd be a good excuse to try something new!
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We’ve been together a little over 12 years. We have always tried to mix it up or experiment, but have been making even more of an effort the past few years. For exactly the reason you said - to keep things interesting! Our sex life is good, we typically have sex 3ish times a week. No major complaints (other than DH wishing it happened more than it does) but I worry that if we let it get too predictable it will get boring.
We introduce new toys a few times a year - in fact just ordered one this week! Sometimes it’s just a matter of having sex in a different room. Doing a position that we don’t do a lot. A blindfold can add a little excitement. Or being intimate without having sex. We don’t do anything super out there but I do think it helps to experiment. We both try to keep an open mind to any idea the other person has and if it goes well ‘yay’ but if not, we laugh it off and do something different next time.
Also, I made it clear to DH that I would be in a better mental state for sexy fun if he was staying on top of things around the house with me. I have a much harder time turning off my brain when I am overwhelmed with life.
There is an author/instagrammer named Ashleigh Renard who talks about ways to keep monogamy hot. And while I don’t agree with everything she says (especially on some other topics), I think she brings up some helpful things.
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Go for it! This is definitely on my radar. Our intimacy have def gone way down hill since kids. It would pick back up, but then I'd get pregnant again and then the first year it would just be doing the minimum... DS3 is finally 1 but I honestly think we made the most effort this past year! We def don't do anything THAT new & different but I agree doing ANYTHING different at this stage of our lives is already very exciting hahaha. We've been married 7.5 ears, together for 9.
@catgirl: It was paramount that DH had to chip in and help me check of m to-do list every night. It was one of the biggest hurdles with us; for so long, after the kids are in bed, all I have in my head is a never ending to-do list and I was NEVER in the mood
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@Chuckles: I think it’s important and great to try new things! We are intimate weekly and try to stay 3-4x a week with some type of connection. It’s hard with children and schedules but it’s so important and definitely worth it when we are tired!
Toys, lingerie, role playing, videoing each other, different positions, or just pleasing one another solo with out sex sometimes! A different room and different times is also helpful.
Definitely share what you said above with DH- I did that a year ago and my DH took it to a new level lol it’s been fun and we are very close! Sex is so important!
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We are in the predictable, not frequent category these days like you. My gut reaction was I don’t have the energy to try something new! We’re both stressed this year, nobody has a lot of interest, he works all the time and we have a kid who never sleeps, you get the idea.
But then I thought - what we probably need most is a way to up the interest in having more sex. Maybe there is something that would motivate either of you to want it more? Get excited to pencil it in that week? For us I even think we used to be more adventurous pre kids and maybe could try to bring some of that back vs actually do something new to us. -
@josina: @cake2017: @graceandjoy: @catgirl: For those who mix things up, was this always how your relationship was or did you make that effort once you'd been together for awhile? Did one of you initiate the conversation or was it a more natural progression?
@bhbee: Definitely agreed! We are just starting to get back to making this more of a priority with a 1 year old whose sleep is a moving target. I like the idea of bringing something back that we'd done before to get back that feeling of excitement. -
@Chuckles: It was actually what you said above- everything was “the same” great but the “same”. Then about a year ago I casually brought it up and said can we do some things differently! Just for fun! I gotta make sure you aren’t bored or something like that- we’ll all I remember is DH was game! lol.
On my tired days, I just undress and walk around nude and it works!! Not much effort but men are visual and I strongly believe they think we are Hot! lol.
I’m expecting again and haven’t been feeling well but we are “creative again” and it’s been fun and actually helpful with morning sickness!
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@Chuckles: We met when I was in college and DH had recently graduated - so we were young. We were pretty wild and adventurous in those early years. But things naturally mellowed out for awhile. We just kind of stayed in a twice a week, predictable but okay pattern for a quite a few years. But after DD was born it took us a long time to find a new groove. When she was 1 or 1.5 DH initiated a conversation because he wasn't content. That's when we started with a bit more effort but it still took awhile. So kind of a mix of a conversation and also a natural progression.
I did try to remember some of the things or ideas we really enjoyed together in the beginning so I could bring some of those back. But we have also tried completely new things as well.
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@Chuckles: I feel like I can't even compare; pre-kids was just a different life
Post kids, everything is an effort 
DH would take ANYTHING I throw at him so some effort in the past include just little thing like wearing cute lingerie (vs nursing bras, high waist underwear, lol), being naked under a robe or something, naughty texts/pics...
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@cake2017: It is amazing how visual men are and how easy it is to get them in the mood
A couple months ago, I was in the mood but didn't feel like initiating, so I just made sure I was in the middle of changing when DH came up for bed - boom, he initiated.
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@graceandjoy: I think I just need to get out my lingerie from our pre-kid days. I honestly think that, and maybe some different positions, would be enough to feel like we're changing it up. Our standards are really low
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@Chuckles: lol exactly! I do that often! the lingerie too or just a simple cute thong/ gstring DH is happy!!!!!
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@catgirl: Agree 100% about the mental state. I told DH the key for me is being able to relax.
We have been together for 14 years and things have definitely changed after 2 kids. We got very intentional about it in the last year, especially after the days were all running together. We did something I never thought I would do and that was to schedule intimate time together 1 night a week. It kept it a priority and took some pressure off feeling the need to initiate.
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@Bluemasonjar: exactly. If I can’t relax it’s not going to happen. We started scheduling it too! When we were first starting to up our effort we scheduled it once a week and then eventually twice a week. Now it’s officially still scheduled twice and we usually fit another time in. I’m more likely to do a lot of things if I treat it as a priority and block it out on my schedule. At first I thought it would make it less fun but like you said - it actually takes the pressure off to initiate.
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So this is the part where I ask for some recommendations for some good toys.
We could always use something new!
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@Mommy Finger: good question! I have one from this brand https://www.lelo.com/. It's high quality and from a woman-friendly shop. The website cupofjo.com is always recommending toys from Dame, but that's all I know about them. Any others?
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Being stuck at home together for the last year has really done a positive number on our sex life! We are doing it more now than we ever have in the history of our relationship. In the past we were doing it around 1x a week. Now we are at 4-5x, which is just insane, I know.
We reached a stage where we have worked out a lot of our issues (as a couple and by ourselves) and that really opened the door for some deeper levels of intimacy.
We have tried some super duper wacky off-the-wall things over the last few months. Some of which have been super amazing, some not quite as great. Happy to share my experience in a slightly more private venue than this if interested
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@DillonLion: whoa! Good for you guys! The pandemic has made me appreciate DH more because it's reminded me of what a good team we are, but also, it's like, how can I miss you if you won't go away? It's just a lot of togetherness. And I need alone time. So some nights I just want to be by myself.
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We’ve been together 14 years, crazy! When DS1 was a few years old we did like @Bluemasonjar: and scheduled once a week. It definitely took the pressure off and made sure we both took the time.
After DS2 the first year was blah but he’s 3.5 now and this last year we’ve changed it up. No real discussion but DH bought a toy and some lingerie. We don’t have a scheduled day but we usually pre arrange earlier in the day. Yes, it’s less spontaneous but we’ve been having more fun.
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The past two years have really put a hurt on DH’s and my sex life. We didn’t have much sex while I was pregnant with the twins, and then after they were born, we were both too tired! I feel like we are finally getting back to being intimate again, and it has really changed our relationship in a positive way. I love reading everyone’s post, and I have been inspired to schedule sex two times a week. I talked to DH about it last night, and of course he was game! As far as changing it up, we like to do it in different rooms in the house. Other than that, we are pretty boring I guess. The thought of toys does interest me, but I wouldn’t know where to start...
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I highly suggest a toy purchase! DW and I fell into a rut with little kids and being so tired, it was just easier to not, plus two periods that don’t always sync up leaves us a small window where everyone feels sexy each month!. Last Valentine’s Day I bought a new toy as a surprise and bought a nice (lockable) storage case and organized the few items we had from a while ago so they were easily accessible and ready to go. We’ve had our ups and downs during the pandemic, but it definitely has added some variation and it’s going really well. It definitely doesn’t have to be complicated like others have said. The couch vs the bed, showering together after kids are in bed, a sexy music playlist all feels new and exciting when you haven’t done those things in years
ETA: we’ve been together for 15 years, married for 10 this year, kids are 6 and 2 now.
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@Chuckles: I would say we were definitely trying new things often when we were first together and even up until kids but definitely got more 'vanilla' since then. DH's toy/lingerie purchase was pretty random actually but great.
I know DH would LOVE to 'park' somewhere and have car/truck sex (It's been FOREVER) but I will really have to talk myself into that one, lol, its so much easier in a bed!
@Jessiemuller88: Amazon's got everything.
Google 'personal massager'. I believe mine is the Luna brand.
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@Chuckles: Thanks for the recommendation! Did a little research last night and made a purchase off the Dame site. Went with the Eva II, in case anyone is interested or has any personal experience.
@josina: Ha! So the car thing is something I would be into and have suggested. I mean, why else did we get the big car with the fold down 3rd row???
But yes, as others have mentioned, we're in a rut at times too. I feel the whole too much togetherness as I need my alone time and DH doesn't necessarily understand that. Also, I need to get out of my own head and have a hard time turning off the day. I wish DH would put more effort into making a date at home instead of just watching tv and then trying to get some but that doesn't seem to happen no matter how many time we talk about it. Yay romance!
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@Mommy Finger: I mean, we have a mini van so I guess there's plenty of room and always a stash of wet wipes lol.
My oldest (6) was conceived in out truck - and that was the last time! -
Thanks to everyone who posted and shared here. I was just thinking, man this pandemic has to get better soon so that DH can get a vasectomy. Needing to use condoms really puts a damper on having sex outside the bedroom.
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@Chuckles: it does put a damper on things! DH had his vasectomy 2 weeks ago, and I’m so excited to not worry about condoms or birth control ever again.
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@josina: thanks for the info! Definitely looking into this!
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The new toy that I ordered this week is the lovense lush 3. DH and I have been talking about it for awhile. It’s pretty expensive but it’s 40% off as part of a Valentine’s Day promotion, so I decided to go for it.
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@Mommy Finger: just FYI, there was just a post on the other site about Dame products and several people commented that the Eva was so loud that they couldn't even use it.
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@Chuckles: Crap! Well, it just came in the mail today so we'll see. I guess if it doesn't work out, i can return it for something else on the site.
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@catgirl: Where did you get this deal?
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@Mommy Finger: directly from lovense!
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@catgirl: Ooh, I have always wanted to try one of those, but I'm not sure DH would be up for it.
I talked to DH last night and we're going to try scheduling sex for one night a week. I think it's going to be really good for us to take the initiation piece out of it. I always feel like I'm initiating, which makes me feel kind of crappy, and DH says that because I'm often tired and going to sleep early, he's never sure when it would be okay to initiate, or he doesn't even think about it until it's too late. -
@Chuckles: I’m pretty excited to try it! We have a small remote control bullet but the range isn’t great. So hoping this will be way better!
Also, I really feel like scheduling can get a bad rap but I think it’s great. DH and I have struggled with the initiation thing as well - I sometimes feel awkward doing it and he feels bad that I’m so tired some nights. Scheduling takes that away. It can also up the anticipation as the day goes on. We tend to be flirtier throughout the day when we know it’s scheduled for later! -
@Chuckles: Ok, so I feel like it's my duty to report back and give my review.
I take issue with Dame's claim that Eva is "whisper" quiet. When you turn it on, it is definitely loudish. That being said, it was by no means so loud that you couldn't use it. And once it was "in use", it was much quieter. This isn't something that I think will be good for solo play. And it will definitely NOT be getting sent back....if you get my drift....
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@Mommy Finger: oooh fun! Great review and glad it’s not being sent back
The Pom, also by Dame, is another great option....or so I’ve heard it’s pretty quiet and quite versatile. I really like their designs and look, really high quality.
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@muffinsmuffins: Ha! Now I want to buy ALL THE TOYS!
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Ok, you ladies inspired me to buy something on Amazon (ha) for Valentine’s Day. Now I just need to get over being a bit embarrassed to break it out! (I did try it myself ... but man I feel so unsexy and awkward these days)
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@Mommy Finger: @muffinsmuffins: thanks for the reviews and suggestions. I'm glad that your purchase doesn't need to be returned
@bhbee: I'm sure your DH will love whatever it is!
Post kids, everything is an effort 
A couple months ago, I was in the mood but didn't feel like initiating, so I just made sure I was in the middle of changing when DH came up for bed - boom, he initiated.
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