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In our family, DH's job takes precedence over mine, and I'm fine with that. Every time we've moved, it's been because of his job. I've got a comfortable job now, but I'd be open to moving again if it would be better for our family.

ETA: DH is a wildlife biologist with specialties in bats/birds, herpetology, and ichthyology, and you kind of have to go where the work is. I work in public relations for a non-profit.

We don't really let either career take precedence, but we are both willing to make compromises.

For example, DH's company is in California but they allow him to work from home on the east coast. Last summer, they offered him a HUGE promotion but said that we would have to move to California. I really, really, really did not want to leave the east coast and our friends and family (I am sooooo not a California girl!) but was willing to consider it.

However, when we looked into moving we realized that it is near impossible to find a teaching position in California. Even though DH makes about 4 times what I make annually, so technically his career should take precedence, he didn't want me to have to give up my career completely to help his own.

That being said, if it was easier to find teaching positions in California I would have went for him. I wouldn't give up my career completely, but I would leave someplace I was comfortable if it was something that would truly make my husband happy.

In our family, DH's job took precendence because academic jobs are hard to find. I was willing to move as long as the job he got was tenure track and well-paying, not a lecturer/research associate that isn't as stable. I was lucky to find a great job in the city we moved to.

But DH said that if down the line i moved up to a senior management position, he would be willing to move if the job required me to move. He may not be as happy but feels it's only fair since i made sacrifices for him.

When deciding on which job to take, i did have some veto power over where we would end up.

Did you guys discuss what would happen after you finished grad school? Did you (or he) assume you would find something in your town? Maybe it would help if you looked up certain cities you have in mind and have another talk with him.

in our relationship, my career has taken precedence--he moved to so that I could attend graduate school at the best program that I got into, and when I go on the job market, he'll follow me wherever we need to go for post-docs, jobs, etc. and that's the case even though his salary is like twice the amount of my stipend. there's a couple factors for us--1) his job is flexible, so he actually kept the same job but now works from home. that's a luxury that not many people have, and we really appreciate it! 2) i'm more passionate about my work than he is--ie, it's more a part of my core identity, whereas dh is more passionate about his external hobbies and interests than his actual job.

it would have been much more complicated if that wasn't the case though, and in the end i think it does take a lot of compromise to balance both careers. my parents have moved essentially 3 times in their careers/marriage--first for my dad, then for my mom, and now for my dad again. but for all of those moves, the collective benefit was stronger than the negatives for either person. it's so hard!

Many times which job takes precedence varies day by day. When our son wakes up with a fever or we get the "he's sick" call from daycare, we pull out the blackberries and compare schedules and negotiate what can be pulled from the schedule and what can't... sometimes we even both work from home to tag team and cover calls for each other during non-naptime.

Additionally, our overall prioritization has changed over time. His used to be primary 100% of the time, and I had a job that was a little more laidback. Then I got a new job that relocated us and is more challenging so there is alot more balance now between our two jobs and the priority. The fact that I have more earning potential now and really love my job helps prioritize it more.

If we were in the position to want to move for one of our jobs' again, we'd weigh the overall impact to our lives and look at the net value. When we moved for my job, the move was a no-brainer due to the relocation package and the fact that our condo was a giant financial albatross. But overall I think we'd just look at the equation and pick the path that was the greatest improvement/value all in.

We are going to have to deal with this in the next couple of years when we make our big move out of NYC. Keeping our careers here is not an option since the suburbs are still super expensive and the commutes are horrible. So I'm thinking we will actually put DH's career first - even though my base salary is still a little higher, he gets a huge bonus and therefore makes more. He's also on the promotion track, he was just promoted this year and most likely will be again soon and at that point he'll definitely be making enough for me to stay home if we live in a more affordable area.

Meanwhile I do like my job and I'm paid very well and provide our health insurance, but I can kind of do my job anywhere for any company so it's easier for me to relocate to a new city even if it means working for another company. So when we eventually make the move our plan is to get DH's career transitioned before I even tell my company we're going.

Mine definitely takes precedence right now. I make 3x what he does and without my income we couldn't pay our bills. If he finds something better or gets another degree it would be different though. I can basically find a job almost anywhere, so if he needed to relocate I would be willing.

We knew going in to our careers that DH would make way more than me and have a lot more earning potential, so that pretty much made the decision for us. Plus he is more career oriented and very proactive about advancing, and at this point, with bonus, makes 3-4 times what I do-- so his takes priority! I did move here to be with him, but in the end got a better job than I had before anyway. We are open to moving for his job, on the assumption that he would get a salary increase equal to a greater than my salary.

But I'll be a SAHM come July, so we won't be two income for much longer.

Oh that's a tough situation!

In our family, my job takes precedence. I have my degree (DH doesn't) and I have the better paying job. He is always very encouraging! But he's in a spot right now in his life where he's trying to figure out what he wants to do/hoe he can make more money! So basically what ever we need to do for my career we are doing it!

My career will ultimately take precedence. I am studying to get my CPA and right now I work for a great company with lots of room for advancement. However, my job is more flexible so when it comes to DS I am usually the one to take him to appointments or stay home with him when he is sick. DH likes his job but doesn't love it. One of our dreams is to open up our own bar but we have a long ways to go before we get there.

In our family, in terms of location, my job kinda takes precedence. My job is highly specialized and only available in areas with lots of high tech companies. I work in Boston but could also do Research Triangle, NYC, Silicon Valley, etc. DH works in software too, but his is a much more common job and a job that teams usually have multiples of, whereas my function is usually 1, if that, to a team. So while we'd like to move back to upstate NY where I grew up, I won't have much job opportunity there so we stay in Boston.

@Bookworm: Why doesn't your husband look into getting his degree part time, while working? I did that with my masters and my employer paid part of it.

My career has taken precedence... It kind of has to both financially and satisfaction-wise. My well-being is pretty wrapped up in my career trajectory and his is less so. I needed to be at a large prestigious academic medical center and there aren't very many throughout the country, so that was a huge consideration. He can find a job anywhere.

If our childcare falls through, I think he's got the flexibility to stay home more of the time and can work from home. I cannot. So yeah, my career is more important because it has to be, but even so, when we decided where to move, his preferences carried huge weight and I'm fully supportive of his career moves, even when they involve shifting some of the family support to me.

Both of us have sacrificed depending on what is best for the family as a whole. For example, when we graduated college I gave up a comfortable job I really liked to move where my husband got a job; we knew that he needed to build his credentials in his field (getting his Masters, professional certs, etc...), and I wasn't quite sure where I was going, so I chose to follow his career. I ended up taking a job I didn't really like for over four years, and I supported him in completing his grad degree (while working full time and with our first child). When he finished, it was previously agreed that it would be "my turn," so I started grad school. Knowing that I wouldn't be able to find a job in our current area, and knowing that the area in general wasn't really the environment we wanted to raise our children in, we decided to move this December. DH found a new job, since I'm still finishing my MLS and preparing to start a new career. I don't think DH is in his forever job (he'll probably start applying for new positions in the next 2 years), but it's good enough for now while I start my career. In the future, if other opportunities come up, we'll make the decision the same way. We just evaluate what is best for the family as a whole and what will benefit us the most in the future, even if someone has to sacrifice short term in order to make that happen.

For us it's all about the Benjamins baby! lol! DH makes close to 3x what I make and we both REALLY like our current lifestyle. He is also way more career motivated than I am so that palys a role, but its really mostly money.

DH's job takes precedence since he makes 4 times what I make. I earn a good salary but not nearly as much as DH. I talked to the partners and I'm in a holding pattern until I can give 100% to work and then I can be considered for partner.

Do you think your husband is self conscious about not having a degree when you are finishing your master's; and have career ambition? It sounds a little like he likes where he is at, but hasn't been terribly ambitious, and maybe the prospect of having to job search without a degree and possibly work his way up again is making him bristle a little?

We treat our careers equally. It's a little easier to do that because my husband has tenure, so unless his university closes his deparent (which won't happen unless the entire university closes completely), his job is safe. If he did have to find a new job, his job would take precedence because we would have to move where there he could get another tenured position. Outside of that regard; our careers are equally important.

When LO is sick, we each look at our schedules to determine who stays home, and split the day if we need to. We both give and take where we can, and where we need to.