My DD turned 5 last June. It seems like since then whatever activity I plan for her, she is unsatisfied with and wants to do something else. Example: She had been begging for a play date with one of her friends so I arranged one. The morning of, I told her a friend was coming over to our house and then she proceeded to tell me that she didn’t want this particular girl to come over and wanted to go over to a different friends house instead. It’s like that with everything. If I take her to the aquarium, she’s unhappy and wants to go to the kids museum. If I take her to one park, she tells me she’d rather play at a different park. This morning she was begging to get out of the house so I found that the library was having story time and a dance party. I told her about it and she started asking why we can’t do x,y, and z instead. It’s really beginning to frustrate me and not even want to do anything. We’re on a budget so we can’t always do the things that she wants but I still try to find something else and honestly, it hurts my feelings that she never seems happy. My husband and I have spoken to her about being thankful, how some boys and girls don’t get to do anything but she doesn’t seem to understand. Is this just an age thing?
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When my almost 4 year old does this I tell him we can do what Mommy and Daddy have planned, or we can just not do anything at all. It doesn't have a 100% success rate by any means, but packing up and leaving the park or not going to the aquarium (have walked out, but only because we have a season pass, probably couldn't bring myself to do that if we paid every time) has helped quite a bit.
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@samsmom We do this and she’ll choose to stay and do what we have planned but then continue to talk about the other thing she wants to do. The day of the play date incident, I actually cancelled it and we sat home and did nothing.
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@charleysmom: yeah, I have dragged him out kicking and screaming if he keeps going on about what he wants to do (that isn't where we are).
I haven't faced the playdate thing so much, but myself and the babysitter are constantly battling the "me don't want to do that" with him. I think part of his problem (don't know about your daughter) is he wants it to be his idea. Is it worth it to present her with 2 options within the budget/timeframe so she's making a choice but not really in control.
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@samsmom Everything has to be her idea. I do give her choices but stopped in regards to activities because a few times things were cancelled or she would talk about said activity non-stop. I will try it again though and see how it goes.
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Can you refocus on her having control over her own feelings? So some reminders about "I understand that you're telling me you want to go to the zoo but right now we are at the aquarium. If you spend the whole time that we are at the aquarium talking about the zoo you are not going to have any fun. Let's focus on what we're doing right now."
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@mrssrs Yes, I do and she’s usually good about continuing the activity without any fuss. I think I have to remind myself that she is still only five, lol.
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@charleysmom: yeah. Five is not my fave age. I think if she says that that was not the activity she wanted once, that's fine.You acknowledge it, remind her that you made a different choice, and move on. If she spends the entire activity complaining about it, that's rude and disrespectful and not acceptable. I think I would give a warning about choosing to be appreciative and remind her that having fun as a choice. My kids and I have had conversations about how you can take somebody somewhere really fun but they can have a miserable time if they try. And if she doesn't heed the warning you just go home. On the next outing you revisit that concept as a prep conversation.
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My daughter's almost five and we've dealt with this a lot. I've had success talking to her about being kind to me and respecting my feelings. But what REALLY has made a difference is stating that this behavior is the same thing as whining, and whining is not allowed. Then when I hear her complain I say "You are whining." And we work through her feelings together, but with the understanding that whining is misbehavior and she will lose privileges if she continues after a warning. That has really seemed to get through to her and she has truly gotten more cooperative and kind over time.
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I have a 5 year old and I def noticed this more when she was 4. Not that she wanted to do something else, but when I ask her after something if it was fun/if she liked it, she always said she didn’t! I pretty much just say ok 🤷♀️ I know if she is for real or not bc once I ask if we should never do it again then, she always says no
Or she will claim she didn’t like something, then a while later ask when we are going away!
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