Guess I just wanted to vent a little. I just got an email from my mother in law's sister stating that there will be 3 baby showers in the next 2 months. 1 of them is on my birthday, the day I wanted to be pregnant by. It wouldn't be that big of a deal if I hadn't miscarried last week. I'm super excited for all of them, guess I'm still a little emotional? I'm sure I'll be fine by then it just caught me off guard...
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Oy, that's rough! So so sorry. I don't think you should feel bad if you make an excuse to leave early or something. You've been through a lot. You have a right to be emotional, and even though it's far away there's a good chance you'll still be upset.... that kind of pain just doesn't go away.
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Who are they for? You could just...not go. I skipped a baby shower after my second m/c for someone who I am not very close to because I didn't want to mess with it. It just wasn't worth the emotional pull, not to mention I might have smacked someone who asked when I was having kids next. So...I say don't go, if you can avoid it!!! You have plans. It's your birthday, ya know??
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Oh that is so tough hun. I'm so sorry. I know I was an emotional wreck after mine, so I would opt out of the one on your bday if you could. If it's not a super-close relative or BFF, etc. I would skip it. Especially since it's on your bday - it's easy enough to have an excuse why you can't attend.
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I don't really know any of the girls. Im sure I've met all of them. The one that I would kinda like to go to is on my birthday. I don't like going in the first place, I'm socially awkward & don't really know anyone. Im starting to learn names...
MIL REALLY wants me to go to her sides family events so I can make new friends. We haven't told them about the mc yet either. On the other hand I think all these girls came to my bridal shower, so if I want a good turn out for my baby shower someday then I should go right? Am I messed up for even thinking that?
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@Sugar.Biscuit: No you're not messed up. If I were in your situation I would not even remotely consider going to any of them.
Its up to you if you want to tell your MIL about your MC, ultimately it is a your very private experience.
Either way, there are a zillion excuses you could make as to why you cannot make it. Say you got norovirus, which is low level contagious for about 3 weeks and that you are not advised to be around pregnant women and send a gift.
I certainly would not worry about 3 people missing your future shower. I am sure when you are pregnant its the last thing you would care about. Also, for the mental benefit of not having to go to THREE baby showers after your MC and co-inciding with your BIRTHDAY and the date you had dreamed about being pregnant by..?!
Wow, the sheer masochism of it.
Please look after yourself-thinking of you.
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I skipped a number of baby showers after my 2 m/c. I just couldnt handl it emotionally, and it wasn't worth getting myself all worked up over. Telling your MIL about the m/c would definitely help her understand where you're coming from though.
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It's not really a tit for tat situation. Just because you go to theirs doesn't mean they will feel obligated to attend yours (especially since they will have babies/children at home). Just be busy those days. You certainly don't owe your MIL the real reason if you don't want to tell her.
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Honestly - just don't go. It's ok. Send a card or a small gift if you want to, but don't feel bad about not going. I skipped a few showers a few months back because I was just not emotionally in the right place to go... and they all deserved to have a shower filled with guests who were happy and excited to be there.
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@blackbird: @buffalove: @sea_bass: DH wants to tell his parents. My mom knows because she started putting the pieces together. I think it's only fair that DH is able to do the same for himself. This to me is the final step in helping us heal. As for the showers Im still up in the air. Thankfully I have a 3 weeks to decide before I have to rsvp for the first one. I will pro. Skip that one cause it is on my birthday.
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@Sugar.Biscuit: Somehow I missed that you m/c'd, so sorry to hear about it! I had a close friend's shower to go to a month after mine (and the day AF arrived). I had 2 friends (not the guest of honor) that knew what was going on and checked on me during the event. At one point I was uncomfortable and ended up going for a walk around the block with one of them (helped a lot)! If you can, definitely skip some of them. But if not, let you MIL know whats going on and go for a walk if you need a break.
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