I know standard FMLA is 12 weeks which is typical in the US, and then some can extend with vacation/sick time. Has anyone been able to stay out longer with a leave of absence? I believe (and need to double check with my boss who is currently out for a month for his twins) that my company allows for a 1 year leave of absence for any reason so I may have the option to stay out for as long as a year (without pay of course). My husband seems to think that a year is WAY too long and I should or will want to come back before that.
So assuming medical insurance and loss of income can be dealt with, how long would have been ideal for you?
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@PurplePumps: by law they do have to hold your job position for 12 months. Due to fmla rules. But they are not required to pay you. Both times so far i got 12 weeks and 14 weeks but ideally i would have loved what most of my European friends get in thr range of 6 to 9 months. I am not sure how much i will be taking off this time
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My ideal would be 6 months.
I went back after 4 months with my daughter because that was the amount of paid leave available to me. I'm with a different company now and when we have a second I think I'll try to take about 4 months again.
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I think it's so contingent on personal preferences. I love my son to death, but conditional on finding good childcare I would want to go back to work before a year, because I mostly enjoy my work and the interactions with other adults.
I was going to say 6 months would be ideal, but I've heard starting childcare at that point can be really rough because it's right when separation anxiety kicks in, so maybe more like 4-5 months would be my ideal. It would be nice if work was less hours and no traveling and always easy to fit in pumping - none of which are the case - but in a less than ideal world I'll deal with these annoying and exhausting aspects in exchange for the stimulation and income.
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I had 16 weeks off, and I felt ready to go back at that point. I think the adjustment to daycare would have been harder when he was older.
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I had 12 weeks with full pay for my son. I wasn't quite ready to go back when I did, but I honestly don't think I would have wanted much more than another 2 weeks. I couldn't have done a whole year off of work, but I have to be around people that talk back to me during the day to maintain my sanity.
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My current firm offers 16 weeks and most people add an additional month unpaid on top of that.
I think it's really hard to quantify an ideal leave, I am of the opinion that longer is better, but I know not everyone agrees.
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Looking back on it, I wish my leave was 6 months. I hated pumping and once I trusted my body to provide enough BM for LO I loved BFing. More one at home would have allowed me to BF longer.
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Wow, this is very interesting! I was certain that a year would be great, but you guys are making me wonder if maybe hubby was on the right track.
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Perfect world I would have taken probably 4 months. Real world we couldn't afford for me to have any unpaid time, so once short term disability ran out, I was back at work (6 weeks).
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I guess if it makes a difference, he would not be going into day care, but grandma care would be taking over at home.
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I took nearly 4 months with my girls, most of it unpaid. In an idea world, I would have preferred 6-9 months. A year would be luxurious, however, not as practical.
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I went back when LO was 14 weeks old -- and I was desperate to go back to work. I am not cut out to be a SAHM. On the other hand, I wish I could've worked a reduced schedule. Though I got away with working ~32-35h/week for most of my first year back (rather than my scheduled 37.5), it would have been great to formally go back on a gradually increasing part-time basis. I was too sleep deprived to be very good at doing my job full time until LO was about 10 months old.
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I stayed home with DS for 6 months because they won't take babies until they are 6 months old. I will have to do the same for this one. If it was all paid, then I wouldn't have a problem but it largely isn't. I do know I am fortunate to be able to stay home for 6 months even though I am itching to return to work by the end. I would prefer 4 months.
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I voted for 6-9 months. 3 months is definitely, definitely not enough. I think 6 months is sufficient, but 9 months ideal.
And I totally get why 12 months work too; that way ideally I'd never/rarely pump!
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I know you asked for input from US moms, but I will say that as a Canadian, getting to take a year was pretty great. It allowed me to EBF without having to pump, as well as to get to spend time with the kids when they were a bit bigger and more interactive. I definitely wouldn’t have wanted less than nine months.
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9-12 months would be awesome
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I took a leave of 18 months with my second child. We really couldn't afford for me to do that, but it was so important to me to be there when he was really small and nurse him and cuddle him. My employer was agreeable but did not guarantee that I would get my same position back, but did promise to hire me back in some capacity. Only about six weeks was paid of the 18 months. I did end up getting my old spot back after all.
With my first I tried to come back after 12 weeks and couldn't do it and ended up quitting abruptly. So the second time around I was really upfront about my plans to be off for 18 months.
Also, I don't know how women come back at 12 weeks! Trying to work while so sleep deprived and pumping, I couldn't do it. I hate that the US forces so many women to go back to work so soon.
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@erinbaderin: Thanks for the input! I only specified US cause I know Canadians (and most everyone else) gets a year off so I feel like when that's the norm and expected, the mind set of having/choosing to go back any earlier is different.
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I voted 3-6 months because baby seems so much more "robust" at that point - can usually sit up on their own, illnesses are less risky, and breastfeeding is usually well established.
I went back at 11 and 12 weeks with my kids and it was just about the right amount of time for me (like previous posters, I'd probably take another 2-4 weeks if offered) but would have felt better about leading baby at 4-6 months.
Also, I feel like 6 months is such a turning point in sleep/ability to sleep train, so I would have been able to jump into work a little more quickly I think because I wasn't quite so sleep-deprived!
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I'm surprised I see so much 3-6 months. I think of my son at 6 months, he was so small and needy and to go into daycare would for me have been hard
- we put him in at 9 months to a nice in-home place but still I know he did not get the attention he probably needed. It's just the nature of a lot of daycares. I feel really guilty looking back. I was very ready at 9 months to go back but I had to pump and it was SUCH a pain as a teacher.
I would say a year would be wonderful- you could stop day pumping, baby has many more options for good daycares as they are no longer infants, they can walk (sometimes) and not be left in a bouncer to cry like I see at a lot of daycares. -
@PurplePumps: grandma is a wonderful option, I wouldn't have minded going back much earlier than 9 months if he was with his Nana.
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I took 5 months off with my first and 8 months off with my second. I would have loved to have a year! The key for me was having a network of other moms with young children that I connected with during the week. I also live in a moderate climate so we were outside all the time. I loved it. I think it's hard to know what you want until you're in it but it was good for our family. We also had saved a large amount to help with my lack of income so we weren't super stressed about finances.
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I think about 6 months would have been perfect. Both of mine really struggled with bottles and sleep when I went back at just under three months. I think, even if they refused bottles, they would have done better at daycare if they were old enough to use sippy cups and eat a bit of baby food. Sleep would still have been bad, but at least I wouldn't have felt quite as guilty about them having to cry a little before putting themselves to sleep at daycare.
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I was able to take longer maternity leaves with my girls (6 and 7 months) because I'm in academia and had summers off anyway with winter/spring babies (officially I only really had 8 and 12 weeks). It was a great amount of time! Lots of time to bond, but they started daycare before hitting the phase with heightened separation anxiety. Both my girls became attached really quickly to their teachers and were able to nap and take bottles easily
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I don't see a year happening here, ever, but if we had a six-month leave that would already make a world of difference. Kids are just so tiny and helpless at 12 weeks, but I feel like they usually come such a long way by six months. Mine could sit up at that age, eat solids, and either take a bottle or at least be spoon-fed milk. And their reactions to people were easier to read, so if I had to leave them with a stranger I'd have a better gut feeling whether they're getting good care.
I took 4 months + 2 months of work from home with DS, seven months of just plain leave with DD. My workplace is really a gem. The only downside of a long leave was that DD didn't get used to being away from me at a young age, and her reaction to me returning to work was horrible. If I had the option, I would have quit after what she put everyone through.
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With my first, I took 6 months- I wouldn’t say I was ready o go back, but my son could crawl at that point and didn’t feel so helpless which helped me feel better about it. In retrospect, I saw the “benefit” of a shorter leave- I felt like the first few months were such a dream like state, that if you go back to work as that’s ending, it’s like going back to work after a dream sort of. With a longer leave, we adjusted to something that felt like a real life at around 4 months, got into that groove and then transitioned again, which was hard. I don’t know if that makes any sense at all. I still wasn’t sorry to have taken the time I did though! I still have no clue how long I’ll end up taking this time around, and I suspect I won’t know until August what I’ll do. My work set up is vey different now, so we will see.
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I think somewhere between 4-6 mos is ideal in my opinion. I took 3 mos with DD1 and 4 mos with DD2 - and I eased into it more gradually with DD2. It was perfect.
For me - I think its important to weigh both what is right for baby and for mom. For some women and in some lines of work taking more than 3-4 mos off is difficult and damaging to a career. I cant imagine being gone longer than I was and it not having an impact on my career progression - which is important to me.
I think it can sometimes be a bit of a catch 22 - you have a long maternity leave and appeal to those who want to stay home with their babies as long as possible OR some middle ground in the 6 mos range which appeals more to those who want to get back to work without an extended leave. Either way - it will never "workout" for everyone.
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I did extended maternity leaves with both kids. I came back at 1 year with my eldest and I came back 2 weeks shy of 1 year with my second child.
If we have a 3rd, I will probably not be able to take the full year again for a number of reasons, so I've had to do this analysis for myself. Based on my experiences with both kids, I think I would want a minimum of 6 months, but I think 9 months old probably when I could have gone back with both my boys without much issue.
By 6 months, my kids are sleeptrained and have begun solids and are (barring regressions) on a pretty solid schedule. Its also by then I start feeling mostly myself (PPA and PPD history). By 9 months, we're on pretty much the feeding and sleep schedule they will be on until well after 1 year old and am winding down nursing/pumping and start leaning on stash and I feel 100% back to myself.
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@PurplePumps: Sounds good if you want to and can swing it! It would be very hard for me to be gone from my clients for an entire year and then expect to get back and jump right back in. It just wouldnt work. I had 12 weeks and it was perfect.
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I stayed home for 13 weeks with my first. It was not long enough and he was a preemie but I was also sort of ready to go back because it was getting to be a dark cold winter and I was a little isolated.
I stayed home for almost 6 months with my second and it was glorious. It also happened to be a gorgeous summer and I was so busy with both boys I didn't feel bored or isolated.
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I was off for 7.5months!
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@PurplePumps: I live in Canada and a 12 month “paid” (about 40% of my salary) maternity leave is standard here. While I love my DD, I went back to work after 5 months which ended up being about the right amount of time for me, I am not cut it to be a stay at home parent and my DD has colic and reflux and was generally miserable.
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I was off for the 12 weeks with LO1, then back for 7 weeks, then off until he was 6 months old. I was *really* worried about "leaving" him for those 7 weeks, even though I had a friend babysitting him. However, looking back, it was so good for me to be "forced" back to work and realize the world was bigger than feedings, diapers, and naps. It was good for my mental health in the big picture though I struggled with a lot of anxiety. Then, staying home until 6 months was great because I really enjoy that age and breastfeeding is still so important at that time (vs. pumping.)
This time I am home until 5.5 months and I am very, very glad. We are currently 11 weeks in and I would feel SO sad to leave her in a week or 2. I think my extended leave has also given me a lot more peace and less anxiety, since I don't have to worry about "how" she'll do with someone else right now, and I'm more confident about "handing her off" to someone else (grandma) at 6 months.
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I'm Canadian but also self-employed, so the standard year of leave does not apply to me. I'm 6.5 months postpartum right now and I thought for sure I would go back at 6 months at least part-time, but I'm so not ready. In my case I had pretty bad PPA that I didn't begin treatment for until 5ish months out, so now I'm feeling like myself again, and I'm finally enjoying staying at home with my baby. She's also in a really fun stage right now (after a HARD first few months, she was colicky and never slept) - and summer is coming! I'm so thankful that we can afford for me to stay off a little longer. I think I'll end up going back part-time around 10-11 months.
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@Synchronicity: Exactly. My first child was a complete nightmare with colic and reflux and I had awful PPA/PPD. I didn't begin to recover from the trauma and sleep deprivation until 6 months when DS1 finally became a happier baby and by 9 months we were both just in a great place.
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@gingerbebe: Yes! And to be honest, even though she's out of the typical colic window, she's still a feisty, demanding baby. I just feel like she still needs me so much.
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I would have liked to have a year + with each child. Probably more like 18 months with my second. My second did not sleep through the night until he was 18 months and was incredibly needy and fussy (and honestly still is at almost 2). Going back to work at 8 weeks was difficult and I was a zombie, sick constantly, and in bad mood. And I work part time with a flexible schedule, I can't even imagine how full time moms do it.
We are planning on trying for baby #3 in a few years. DH should be making enough for me to be a SAHM by then. Having such a short maternity leave is a huge factor in me wanting to stay home.
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@PurplePumps: with my first I took 7 months. With my 2nd I took a year and a half. Technically my union says I can stay out 4 years. It's without pay.
Both are in grandma care and the transition was smooth.
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I really think it depends on how much you like your job and how well you adjust to being a SAHM. I’m Canadian, but I went back to work at 10 months, but was itching to go by 9. I loved my job and was starting to go a little crazy at home. Now, with #2, I’m more used to having kids and I hate my job. I’m at 11 months and I so do not want to go back.
- we put him in at 9 months to a nice in-home place but still I know he did not get the attention he probably needed. It's just the nature of a lot of daycares. I feel really guilty looking back. I was very ready at 9 months to go back but I had to pump and it was SUCH a pain as a teacher.Subscribe to our newsletter
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