My son is 15 months old, which I realize is still quite young. He does however have a great concept of the stuff he is not supposed to do. We've been battling with him standing on chairs, toy chests, the table. Pretty much everything he shouldn't stand on and could fall and get hurt from. He does know he shouldn't do this. He'll wait and watch us and the moment we look he'll crouch down. He knows what "on your bottom means" and will pretend he's going to do it but then shoot back up at the last second. We've implemented the pack and play as a time out area and he knows he doesn't like going in the pack and play the problem is it doesn't stop the standing on dangerous items. The moment I take him out of time out he runs right back to the bad thing and does it again. I'm very consistent about putting him back and offering a distraction the next time he comes out (though it doesnt work) but I'm getting frustrated at seeing absolutely no progress. Maybe I'm expecting too much, but I can't remove the object and I don't want to let him do something dangerous. I'm getting so frustrated! Any tips?
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Has he ever fallen? If he hasn't, he may not understand the why. I might try to stop fighting it and see what happens--at this point it may be a lack of full understanding of consequences, beyond that you don't want him to do it, plus a power struggle--though I can understand if you're not comfortable with that.
I know a lot of people on the boards have success with it, but time out before two (and sometimes even after two!) is often not very effective.
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@mjane: he has fallen a few times but he still seems to think its a great idea
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@Beyond2: how does he react to the time out? When you go get him, do you talk to him about why he was in timeout before letting him go play again?
If timeout isn't making an impact, I might consider trying to physically remove him every time he stands on something while saying something about " that's not safe" and offering an alternate activity...repeat ad nauseum?
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@MamaCate: I tell him twice to sit of his bottom which he will pretend like he's going to do and then shoot back up. On the third time I say you have to go in time out because you won't sit on your bottom. I put him in and he's cries like its the worst thing that's ever happened to him. I usually leave him for two minutes and then take him out and say we have to sit on our bottom and then usually set him near a toy or hand him a toy away from whatever he was standing on. Then he runs back over and we start the whole process again like it never happened
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No tips. My 18 month old does the same thing and has fallen off kitchen chairs a handful of times and it doesn't stop him. He knows exactly what he is doing and laughs when I say no. I think we need to start more serious time outs.
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Discipline is hard at that age. I'm certainly not an expert (LO is only 19 months old), but time outs have worked for us. Maybe you could make the time out automatic? Don't give him two chances to correct his behavior and just go straight to timeout when he stands up in the chair. We have had to implement that rule for a few undesirable behaviors - namely, kicking me in the face during diaper changes
Really, though, consistency is key. I think the parental effort:progress ratio is WAY off in the early years, but making an investment in their behavior now will (probably, but not always) pay off when they're older.
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@Beyond2: at that age, I had the most luck training the kids with incompatible behaviors... using the ideas from the book here!
http://www.hellobee.com/2013/04/22/what-shamu-taught-me-about-happy-toddlers/
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LO did this a lot. She has a mini rocking chair and she would always stand up on it and rock. She always made sure to make sure we were watching. We said the same thing, sit on your bum, but it just egged her on more. We now just completely ignore her and she doesn't do it anymore. She did have some pretty scary falls from it too but it was always on soft carpet. With the table we grab her and pull her off of it. She doesnt seem to go up there for attention but more to get into whatever is up there. At 18 months now she is starting to listen a lot better and will stop if we catch her doing it.
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@Weagle: I'm trying so hard to stay consistent. It so hard when you see know payoff at this point. I hope it does payoff in the future though! Discipline is kind of like religion. You have faith in something and you really have no idea what the outcome is, you just hope it's good lol!
@mrbee: thanks! Maybe I need to figure out something that is more fun than a normal toy as his distraction? At his age it's tough to get him involved but there has got to be something!
@winniebee: I'm glad to hear were not alone in this scenario! Certainly makes you want to pull your hair out though doesn't it?!
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right there with you. my lo likes to "surf" on his ottoman and has fallen a few times. i've taken to using a very stern voice which hurts his feelings but doesn't seem to curb the behavior...
i think that at their age they just don't understand the concept of consequences (hence falling doesn't deter them from doing the same thing...)
i'm going to work on just physically removing him from the situation until he is old enough to understand consequences.
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@Beyond2: Right after I wrote that LO seriously walked over to me and laid down for the sole purposeful kicking me in the head. What the heck?! It's hard. And I don't like disciplining her. I'd much rather tickle her and watch her giggle.
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@Weagle: I can totally relate! My LO will walk over and hold my leg like he's going to hug me and then he'll bite me in the thigh! It's tough for sure!
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In my experience with toddlers, they love seeking attention and watching for reactions from adults. Typically at 15 months, it is too early for a toddlers to understand consequences of their actions, thus you will see them continue to do things even after falling and/or getting hurt. They just love exploring and looking for cause and effect actions. They do not know better, except that exploring whether safe or not is their way of learning and understanding how the environment works.
You have said how your lo waits for you to watch him, then he sits back down. Sounds like he thinks it is a game.
I would ignore him next time and only give him attention to the behaviors he is doing right. Catch him doing good things, praise the behaviors while ignoring the bad behaviors. Once he is older and have more language and understanding, the use of time out might be more effective.Also, I prefer redirection and distraction to curb behaviors at this age. If you are afraid he might get hurt, just remove him from the object and redirect him to play somewhere else where it is safe. Do not give warnings, as this will not work on most toddlers, it does the opposite, which encourages them to act on what you do not want them to do.
One last suggestion, take him to a kiddie park where he can climb on things that are appropriate, made for climbing.
This is a phase in their development. It will pass when they have the language to communicate their wants/ needs and have the comprehension to understand what we want/ need in return.
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@VanillaBean: well put!
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