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I wanted to amend my prior post, but couldn't. Just wanted to say, if a simple conversation "we are going to do our own thing and would like our privacy respected" won't do any good, definitely change resorts, islands, or dates-- anything it takes to make this YOUR vacation!
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@alohaorchid: I don't know if it's an option to move the vacation a week or two, but most airlines will let you do a one time change of ticket dates for a fee, and so will many hotels. It might be worth checking into because this sounds like the vacation from hell coming up.
I imagine it's easy to say ignore her or set boundaries, but a narcissistic will still find some way to ignore the rules.
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@AlohaOrchid: I think you'd mentioned earlier that you couldn't change the dates not only because they were refundable but also based on your schedules. Were you committed to O'ahu, or would you be happy on another island? DH and I have been to Hawaii a few times to several different islands, and really liked Maui. It's really easy to island hop with frequent, and cheap, flights. I'd look into that, and just pull an "oops, last minute deal" with your mom. You could arrange for DH to have a golf day with your dad on one end of the trip or the other (if it's important to him), and if you can handle your mom for a single day, arrange something with her that you'd actually like to do. Other than that, it's your vacay, girl! Do what makes you happy and relaxed. Your mental health is the most important factor here. Good luck!
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Hi - you've already received a bunch of great advice on your particular situation - I just wanted to tell you that my maternal grandmother is a textbook narcissist who has gotten MUCH worse as she has aged (also since she lost her husband at 39, when my mother was 14). My mom has found support, solace and wonderful advice at
http://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/
(sorry if I'm not supposed to link, delete if inappropriate, its easily googleable)
Not sure if you are into reddit at all (I'm not, really) but I read the posts there and comment avidly. It's actually scary how much people on there can relate to each other.
Good luck!
I imagine it's easy to say ignore her or set boundaries, but a narcissistic will still find some way to ignore the rules.
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